Is it the End?

The other day I was talking to my cousin K, she mentioned to me that she had been feeling very faint lately...mind you she just had a C-Section a couple of weeks ago, BUT this is K, the ONE that NEVER stops doing stuff, she's such a busy bee, go here, go there, do this, do that, clean here, tomorrow clean there. Anyways, it was so funny because she explained to me that she had come to the point of practically preparing her hubby, Jo, for the 'worst'. She said she thought she might be having an embolism (she's in the medical field so this is why people in the medical field over diagnose themselves ALL THE TIME), we just know too much. She gave Jo a list of the meds she had recently taken and told him to wake her if she didn't wake up from a nap after an hour...he let her sleep all night.

At first, I didn't want to laugh or anything. I just let her vent and describe her concerns. Then I kindly, gently, slowly said, "It might just be anemia...you've been bleeding, and you probably need to double up on your iron."

After a LONG pause she took a deep breath in and said, "Oh, I hadn't thought about that. You're right, I'll do that."

Then we both busted out laughing. We realized that it's so ridiculous that we do this to ourselves time and time again. We over-think things and come to the worst possible conclusions. I KNOW I've done this too. Especially with my Pulmonary Hypertension. My doctor says it's pretty normal to feel flutters or sharpness in the chest area every now and then. But still, everytime I feel it, I can't help but think, "Oh my God, is this it? Am I going to die, NOW?"

I remember the episodes, they happen in slow motion. I feel a sharp pain in my chest and automatically I pause. I stop whatever I might be doing, listen and wait. I don't know, what I'm waiting for but I wait to see if it's going to get stronger or something. The faces of my kids run through my mind and I view them like a slideshow. Their laughter, their cries. I don't know if that'll be the last time I experience their hugs and warmth. I see my husband and picture him here on earth without me. I want him to be happy and I suddenly find myself asking God to take care of them.

Then a smile comes to my face, I realize that it wasn't the end. And that I'm still here. So I go on with my day. Thank you God!

Everyday I'm here, I give thanks to the One above. He gives me the opportunity to live and what a great life he's given me!

"...For to a person who is good in His sight He has given wisdom and knowledge and joy...I know that there is nothing better for them than to rejoice and to do good in one's lifetime." Ecclesiastes 2:26 and 3:12