...to live is Christ and to die is Gain.

"...the Lord upholds the righteous, The Lord knows the days of the upright, And their inheritance shall be forever." Psalm 37:17-18

I woke up that day and immediately dove into your Word. I needed to know what I was going to say. I needed quidance. I asked for prayer requests from all my church friends and not to my surprise, I recieved many words of encouragement. One after another, I recieved emails and texts from people from all over, telling me they were praying. The power of prayer held a bond that day so strong I could feel it. Finally the time came, I left my home in route to pick up my parents first. We drove toward Pacoima and finally made it to her home in Alreta, CA. It was a long drive but well worth it.

"...I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Matthew 28:20

When I walked into her bedroom there she was...Noemi. Like an aunt to me. She is so much more special and has such a great place in my heart. Conversation was appropriate. Then after about half and hour my parents began saying their goodbyes. I finally took a deep breath and asked God to speak through me. I rose and asked if it was okay to pray. Everyone was in agreement and almost leeped at the chance. They all held hands as she drew me more near to her. I began to pray...

"Lord, first of all, I want to thank you for being here with us. I want to thank you for this life that I pray for today. Lord, I want to thank You for sending Your only son to die for us. Jesus, when you were there at that cross, bleeding and hurting, you closed your eyes and saw a face. Jesus you saw the face of so many and one of those was the face of N. You came here to this earth and lived humiliation. You lived criticism and hate and reproach. But you did it for us, for N. You died so that she may live. She has lived such an important life for so many, and her life is such a great testimony to Your love. The way she has loved and laughed and raised her two children is a testimony that I know You will reward. Everywhere N went she brought such joy to those around her. She has blessed us all with her lovingkindness. Lord, You have a wonderful crown of glory for N and Your word says that "to live is Christ and to die is gain". She has a special place in heaven waiting for her. Lord I ask for blessings for her grown children. She knows that the peace she has is brought by You and it exists because she is doing Your will. You will keep her and care for her son and daughter. I pray that you may take her heart, her soul, her mind and thoughts and that You may hold them in Your precious hands. Give her comfort and peace and reign over her. Send Your mighty angels and surround her, as well as all of us. Keep us safe and protected. Cover us in the holy blood of Jesus. Thank you for her life, thank You for Your precious son. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen!"

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with Thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Phillippians 4:6-7

When the prayer was done, there was not a dry eye in the room. Everyone was crying. But the tears were not of sadness but something much more. There was a blanket of peace that had been placed over all of us. The circle that was physically made by our held hands was so powerful that it drew God's angels down to us. I saw N, filled with hope and peace and inspiration. She looked at me and wouldn't let go of my hands. I told her that I loved her very much and that her life was so admirable to me. I pressed my hand over her chest. And though her body seems fragile and weak, her heart's thump was oh, so strong underneath my palm. I smiled at her and looked into her eyes. She thanked me in little words but her eyes transmitted much more. I love her. Will cherish her forever. And as we walked outside, the air was refreshing and the breeze lifted our spirits and reconfirmed that we had done the right thing. That prayer was not of my own words but of the Holy Spirit. Tears were cried by some that would never cry, words were spoken by someone that could never find the right things to say. Hearts were broken only to be mended and minds were opened only to be transported into a higher place of understanding. The seed has been planted and the doors have been opened.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved." John 3:16-17

Is it the End?

The other day I was talking to my cousin K, she mentioned to me that she had been feeling very faint lately...mind you she just had a C-Section a couple of weeks ago, BUT this is K, the ONE that NEVER stops doing stuff, she's such a busy bee, go here, go there, do this, do that, clean here, tomorrow clean there. Anyways, it was so funny because she explained to me that she had come to the point of practically preparing her hubby, Jo, for the 'worst'. She said she thought she might be having an embolism (she's in the medical field so this is why people in the medical field over diagnose themselves ALL THE TIME), we just know too much. She gave Jo a list of the meds she had recently taken and told him to wake her if she didn't wake up from a nap after an hour...he let her sleep all night.

At first, I didn't want to laugh or anything. I just let her vent and describe her concerns. Then I kindly, gently, slowly said, "It might just be anemia...you've been bleeding, and you probably need to double up on your iron."

After a LONG pause she took a deep breath in and said, "Oh, I hadn't thought about that. You're right, I'll do that."

Then we both busted out laughing. We realized that it's so ridiculous that we do this to ourselves time and time again. We over-think things and come to the worst possible conclusions. I KNOW I've done this too. Especially with my Pulmonary Hypertension. My doctor says it's pretty normal to feel flutters or sharpness in the chest area every now and then. But still, everytime I feel it, I can't help but think, "Oh my God, is this it? Am I going to die, NOW?"

I remember the episodes, they happen in slow motion. I feel a sharp pain in my chest and automatically I pause. I stop whatever I might be doing, listen and wait. I don't know, what I'm waiting for but I wait to see if it's going to get stronger or something. The faces of my kids run through my mind and I view them like a slideshow. Their laughter, their cries. I don't know if that'll be the last time I experience their hugs and warmth. I see my husband and picture him here on earth without me. I want him to be happy and I suddenly find myself asking God to take care of them.

Then a smile comes to my face, I realize that it wasn't the end. And that I'm still here. So I go on with my day. Thank you God!

Everyday I'm here, I give thanks to the One above. He gives me the opportunity to live and what a great life he's given me!

"...For to a person who is good in His sight He has given wisdom and knowledge and joy...I know that there is nothing better for them than to rejoice and to do good in one's lifetime." Ecclesiastes 2:26 and 3:12

Strengths

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

I have always longed to know the meaning of my life. I always knew that God had something for me, a purpose of some kind. Even as a child contemplating suicide, something just told me, "What if?". I heard that still small voice whisper into my ears words of hope. I've learned so much about myself these past few months and some things are truly amazing. I was put on the doorstep of the gates of death and like an abandoned child, I felt like nothing else was lying in my future. But the gates were not opened...instead a man came to my rescue, a man by the name of Jesus. He picked me up, when my cries were unheard, He lifted me when no one came to hold me. He whispered in my ear a hymn of hope, when no one was available to sing a lullaby. Facing death brought me to really live. I know that I am here for a reason and God isn't done with my life just yet! :)

This weekend I went to a Woman's Leadership Retreat from church and heard many speakers. Every single one of them touched me in a different way. I was able to relate to each and every one of them, as they spoke about life, moms, God, leadership, drugs, abortion, marriage, teen pregnancy, just to name a few. Surrounded by ladies from all walks of life, we were all there for the same purpose. To grow, spiritually. It was not only an eye-opening reflection on myself, but also an invitation to want more for other women like me.

In preparation to this weekend retreat, we read a book called Strengths Finder by Tom Rath. I learned five of my top strengths and the top one was connectedness. It was right on. The author says, "...you can give others comfort that there is a purpose beyond our humdrum lives." (pg. 73) This is absolutely true, hence my blog. I have always felt a need to tell others that there's a purpose for whatever we might be going through, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I recognize when others are feeling blue because I went through it. I see it in their eyes.

Another statement that struck me was on page 169 where he describes Woo, "In your world there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet -lots of them." When I was younger, I longed for true friendships. I didn't care if it was only one person, I just wanted to know that there was someone out there that I could be totally comfortable with and tell everything to. Someone that would cry with me and lift me up with encouragement whenever I needed it. God has brought such a smile to my face. I am excited because I see how he's brought certain people in my life that have now taken such a special role in it. So I'm giving a shout out to all my old, new and future friends! I LOVE you ALL!

Next was Responsibility...'nough said. I knew this one was one of my strengths, since like forever. No book needed to tell me that! Haha! Responsibility is described here as, "This conscientiousness, this near obsession for doing things right,... impeccable ethics...people look to you first because they know it will get done."

Strategic - " ...you sort through the clutter to find the best route...a distinct way of thinking...you see patterns where others see comlexity...you evaluate potential obstacles...you discard the paths that lead to nowhere...your intuitions are created by a brain that instinctively anticipates and projects..." This one I am really proud of. :) In the past, I thought it was wierd and almost bothersome on why I had to evaluate situations so much in my head before taking the next step. I was concerned about my over-obsessive thinking. I've even joked about how my head is a big library filled with cabinets and files and archived boxes of all my thoughts and memories. I was becoming afraid of my thoughts and wondered the purpose for my 'caring too much'. I just wanted peace. But now I see how God will use this.

And last but certainly not least was Arranger: "In your mind there is nothing special about what you are doing. You are simply trying to figure out the best way to get things done...effective flexibility...From the mundane to the complex, you are always looking for the perfect configuration...You jump into the confusion, devising new options, hunting for new paths of least resistance, and figuring out new partnerships - because, after all, there might just be a better way." Yes, there is ALWAYS a better way! I'm always trying to find out how to do things to prevent hassles later. I learn from my mistakes and figure out a better way to avoid them later. In turn, just like the above strategic way, I analyze and think about paths, routes, and dead ends.

I believe our strengths, our gifts are given to us for a reason. We've been supplied a unique personality, each one individual on its own, and each person has a special importance. We might not all think the same or have the same interests, but there is a reason. We are all bonded by the fact that we can give love in so many, many different ways.

"As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. Whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever." 1 Peter 4:10-11