This Man of Little Words

Thank you Father for this man of little words

This man that receives me day in and day out

Who comes home after a long hard day at work and stands there

Listening to my every word

This man, with his sincere smile

My words, like a blabbering fool, spill out unto our conjoined air

He hears about my days' struggles,

The kids' fights,

The lady on the freeway who almost hit me,

The rumor my mom's entertaining.

This man listens to me

All while catching a glimpse at his callused hand

His eyes gloom down at his rough fingers

He's been at work all day

Hearing complaints, deciphering car problems, dealing with Insurance Adjusters.

Yet he stands there, itchy from the Shop's dust on his uniform

He still stands there, aching knees probably

And listens

Gives me a raised eyebrow here and there to let me know I've got his full attention

His big brown eyes, seducing.

God, I am so blessed.

Laying next to him, while he sleeps, hours later,

Recalling the previously-mentioned events.

I am in the dark, typing away...

I can here his breathing. He is so tired.

And he does it all for me.

Makes me feel like he is my Hosea. And I, I am the tattered woman.

Undeserving to have this man love me the way he does.

What can I do, God, to give him rest. To love him back.

What can I do. I feel I am not good enough. Don't do enough -can't do enough

Because of this sickness that plagues me. Why did you give such a good man

Me?

This lemon of a person?

This damaged wife?

So I ask him:

You love me so much. Why? Even with all my faults.

He answers:

Those faults are just superficial. I love YOU.

~Life As Lizzy

Life Insurance Policy?

I know I have been sort of dormant lately. And that my followers have probably fogotten about me. But here I am again. This empty screen of mine, is so therapeutic. I love being able to just sign on whenever I feel, or hear, resounding words in my head. Words, that consequently I feel need to be in my blog. I know I don't write much. Less now, even. Life has gotten busy.

With my health in such a positive state, I have added more unto my plate. My husband might not think it's such a good idea. I think it's good.

Last year, a very special friend of mine invited me to join a 'Tech Accountability group' called Good Morning Girls (www.GoodMorningGirls.org). I am in two groups of about 10 gals each, which I LOVE) and we email eachother daily from Monday through Friday bits about our quiet time for that particular day. At first, I think my mind took it as a challenge that I could later, proudly accomplish. It wasn't easy at first. It's been more than a year and it is one of the best things I have ever challenged myself to partake in. Reading the Word of God, every single day. Studying it. Devouring it. Knowing it. The consequence? FEELING it. And then, expressing it through action. A certain transformation. A physical one, really. So stay tuned. I might post bits of my private postings here later! haha! I am learning so much. The main thing I've learned is that the Word really is LIVING. Because from the things I am reading, I am putting into action in my daily life. The Word, is transcending those printed pages, into my heart. Changing the way I think, changing the way I respond, changing the way I choose to love and be loved. My actions, my life, has changed because my perspective on life has changed with it.

I feel that I am putting myself in such a good position through this process of being in the Word everyday. Especially living with Pulmonary Hypertension. The Word of God, has helped me be okay with where I am today. That makes me a happier person. Which then makes me a healthier person. Which then makes those around me, less stressed about my situation. It is as if being in the Word of God is allowing my blood to travel through my arteries at a less stressed pace. My heart is less stressed by this new-found 'Insurance Plan'. Sorry hunny, I don't yet have the traditional life insurance we wanted, but I do have this spiritual insurance policy that doesn't require an out-of-pocket deductible. Oh and the 'big guy' who runs the company, he's been in business for a LONG time.

~Life As Lizzy

To Share My Story

To share my story

It is but a wonder to really see what life is all about. To know, that I am still here even though a few years ago the harsh reality was that I might not be here today.

But I am.

Sunday, I was offered the wonderful opportunity to share a bit of my story at Moment Church. I am so humbled by all the lives that were moved. By this story of mine. A story of struggle, a story of sickness, a story of grey days filled with gloom. This story of mine that the Lord has turned around for the good. This story, which I thought was the worst thing I could face, has turned out to be the most beautiful thing I've ever been a part of. Here is a written version of what I shared on Sunday...

This story...

You know

When I was first asked to come up and share my story, I kept thinking

"What should I say Lord?"

I quickly realized that I was asking the wrong question. If its one thing I've learned through this journey, is that the "I" has to disappear. So the correct question is,

"Lord, what do YOU want THEM to hear from me?"

So, I prayed.

All of you need to know how God will provide. He provided for me every step of the way. He was there...

It's amazing to see, looking back now, how detailed the Lord has been.

-When I first began to feel the symptoms of Pulmonary Hypertension, I had just started my new job so The MEDICAL BENEFITS had just kicked in. He Provided me with insurance benefits, right in the nick of time.

-After being diagnosed in October of 2008, I was told I could never have more kids because the risk to carry a pregnancy could be fatal, for me and the baby... So God planned for me to have a baby girl, my second child, that January right before summer, when I would be diagnosed.

-I was told that the only way I'd be able to take my kids to Disneyland was in a wheelchair with a portable oxygen tank, I am now completely OFF oxygen. Two large Oxygen Tanks lived in my house & got refilled by a company every single month.

They're all gone, too.

-I've had four Cardiac Catheterizations and God provided me with friends who brought meals to my home every single night, for weeks after surgery.

-I use to live in Houston Texas where the humidity is very high. If I would have stayed there, I probably wouldn't be alive today living with Pulmonary Hypertension. The Lord provided a reason for us to move just TEN MONTHS before my diagnosis.

So no matter what I have been faced with, GOD HAS PROVIDED. HE HAS literally CUSHIONED MY WALK, every step of the way. Every obstacle has been overtaken by His hand.

Then a few days ago, God also reminded me of ME, before the sickness.

And where MY priorities were, back then.

This is the way I use to think...

God, I'm good. I'm a good person.

I never cuss.

I love my husband. Never been unfaithful.

Hey, I tithe.

I donate to charities.

I'm good with people, I don't discriminate.

Hey I even have a good credit score! I pay my bills on time.

I keep my house clean.

I go to church every Sunday.

And the 'good list' of ME went on and on...

But this is what I have learned...

That the "I" needed to die. I was so focused on being 'good', that I elevated MY life to be MY success. I was proud of myself. I could do it all.

I could, I want, I've done...

~ Matthew 10:39

"If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it."

I loved my life more than I loved Him. My priorities were on ME, in this earth.

Not on Him.

"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and He will give everything you need."

That's Luke 12:31

So I decided to change. Almost four years ago. I set out on a challenge to grow in my Faith. To believe in Him. To seek only Him and HIS will...

I made Him the priority. And you know what? The happiness that I had. I realized was just passing by. There was nothing to it. Nothing deep. Nothing Meaningful. But the JOY that I've gained through seeking Him first, is for eternity.

So wherever you might be. No matter your struggles. Whatever monster you're dealing with. Or trial or obstacle. He wants to be right there with you. Ask him in. Put your face down on the ground and humble yourself. Admit that you cannot do it alone. Remove that pride. Remove the I, and HE will provide for you, just like HE's done for me.

~Matthew 23:12 says

"But those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.

He will lift you up. He lifted me up. Forget about the successes that this world has to offer. Remove those fake veneers and Put Him first!

I want you to know that the thing that i was challenged with the most, was humbling myself. Because i thought i was all good. I wasn't. So, Humble yourselves everyday and show him that it's about what He wants to do with your life, not about what you want to do with your life. Give Him all your possessions and most importantly be willing to let go of your own life. Once you do that it's all JOY from there. Real, true, PURE, JOY.

Yes, you'll go through trials but James One tells us to "consider it an opportunity for great joy when struggles come your way, ". I have gotten so much from these struggles and I thank him for the opportunity to have met HIM in this way. In such a PURE and PERSONAL way. I know that no matter what happens I will be okay. And you should know that too.

Love you guys!

You can also watch it on www.vimeo.com enter 'Moment Church Desert Bread' in the Search Bar.

-Life As Lizzy