Yesterday we celebrated my husband's birthday and in all the joyous celebrating, I had completely forgotten about the email I had sent long ago. After being diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension, and being told that my life might be over in two years, I went into panic mode. So I found an email service online that allows you to send someone an email into the future by choosing a specific date for it to be delivered. Well, thinking I wouldn't be here, I wrote out a long email and had it delivered to Hector on his 2011 June birthday. It was sad. I talked about things I hoped for him, to be happy, to find someone else, blah, blah, blah. Just like the movies.
He came to me yesterday, and asked what that was all about.
"And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” ~Matthew 14:31
It is amazing for me to see the transformation that this disease has had on me. I am truly a different person. What I thought was good, was not. What I thought was confidence, was fear. What I thought were good goals, was simply pride in my heart. Whom I thought were friends, were passersby. What I thought was success, was money in a sack full of holes. I was so wrong, so lost and had so little.
This disease really took the fake out of me. Like I have said before, my smiles are purposeful. My walk is intentional, my goals are driven, my speech is growing and my life is worth it. I have realized what is truly important in my life. I don't need to impress anyone, people don't need to like me -But they do. The funny thing is, that now that I am not out to impress anyone, people like me more than ever! Those fiery trials have really put my faith on test. The fakeness has gone and the realness has come. I have been refined, molded, stretched, grown. Oh, I realize now how much time was waisted!!! I could kick myself for not living fully before! I have challenged myself to be a more productive person. I have analyzed where my priorities lie. And you know, they lie in loving
29 Jesus replied, “The most important commandment is this: ‘Listen, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord. 30And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’[a] 31 The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] No other commandment is greater than these.” ~Mark 12:29-31
Now, all I want to accomplish is a legacy of love. I want those around me to know what it's like to be loved. I want them to see the love of Christ in me. I want people to know that they're not alone. Friends, people, clicks, school, degrees, fashion, cars, houses, clubs, even spouses,
COME AND GO.
"Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." ~Job 1: 21 NKJV
Nothing is forever. What truly matters, is your forever. Where are YOU? I urge you to seek out the One true Love, the One truth that only God can bring. I have developed such an intimate relationship with God. It's all about me and Him now. My loyalty does not lie with people of this world. My loyalty lies only with God.
And now, as I sit here, I realize that God is a God of promises. Now that I have stepped out of the prideful 'it's all about me' kinda-life, and stepped into a 'it's all about YOU God' kinda-life, I am healthier than ever before. It is a true miracle. He has cushioned my walk. Every scary hospitalization I've gone through has been accompanied by a beautiful shelter of peace. He has made things so easy for me. Expensive meds? He gave me benefits. You'll need Oxygen tubes on you 24/7? Last year the Oxygen company came and picked up their tanks, I am off O2 completely. Can't do cleaning? He provided. Can't work? He gave me strength. Can't walk long distances? He gave me a Handi-Cap Placard. Can't take your kids to Disneyland because you'll need a wheelchair? I have an annual pass, take them all the time and walk the entire park.
Need bloodwork every month? I have a lab less than one mile from me, no wait times. Can't cook dinner after a Right Heart Catheterization procedure? He provided women from church, friends, to bring me meals everyday for three weeks. Flat iron too heavy to style your hair? He provided a light-weight flat iron. Meds not working? He provided a NEW medication that has completely taken away ALL Pulmonary Hypertension symptoms. I have overcome all odds. I am not another statistic. I am thriving like never before.
What more do you need to know? God is faithful.
Life as Lizzy.
A picture of me and the kids at one of our many Disneyland days.