Tuesday, April 7, 2009

God's Forcasted Thoughts

"Bless the Lord, O my soul, And all that is within me, bless His holy name. Bless the Lord,O my soul, And forget none of His benefits; Who pardons all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases; Who redeems your life from the pit, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion; Who satisfies your years with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle."
Psalm 103:1-5

The other day, of all days to forget my handi-cap placard for my car, I drove my husband’s rental to work. In order to avoid a long grueling walk, because of my Pulmonary Hypertension, I parked in an area of the hospital where employees are not supposed to park. To my surprise, as I got out of my car and proceeded to walk to the entrance, I was greeted by our Security Guard on his SegWay. Arrrr!!! I felt my blood start boiling as he looked at me like a father looks at his child when he finds her doing something she’s not supposed to. I felt like a little girl, about to plead her case in front of the big mean SegWay Police Man. After realizing that I didn’t even have the DMV paper for the placard on me, I told the security guard my reasons for not parking at the far, far neverland employee parking lot. He pointed toward a spot where he would allow me to park for the day. It was about three lanes farther than where I had comfortably and oh, so graciously, parked my little rental. I then got back into the rental and drove to the allotted spot. I couldn’t believe that as I was sitting in the drivers’ seat, I almost started crying! My throat developed a big knot and I felt self-pity nudge on my shoulder again. It was there to remind me that I am sick and that I have a handi-cap.

"Nevertheless the righteous will hold to his way, And he who has clean hands will grow stronger and stronger." Job 17:9

But just as soon as these devious external thoughts began to quickly open the gated doors of depression, I felt a voice in my head. It said, “Look at the bright side, at least he didn’t make you park in the reserved employee parking lot a mile away.” That’s it, that’s all it took for there to blossom a smile on my face. I looked in the rear-view mirror and took a look at my eyes, in them a love and secure guarded peace looked back at me. I rebuked self-pity and closed the door on depression and almost saw the angelic beings stand guard for future attacks. My walk was not tough and I made it to the Labor and Delivery floor right on time to clock in.

As I’ve been on this journey with Pulmonary Hypertension, I’ve learned to make the most out of every situation. Where in the past, I might have drowned in self-pity, now I find myself more spirited and full of joy. I am thankful for every little forecasted detail that God thinks of for me in my daily walks in life. Not a day goes by that I don’t see His hand at work in my life. It has filled me with an indefinable peace that only joy can describe. Sweet are the words of my encouraging friends and perfumed are the friendships that have charmed my life. I truly believe that everyone that God places on my path is for a reason and there’s a purpose to every encounter. God is a God of minutiae details and He comprehends our hearts better than we do. Our diminutive understanding will never reach His interminable wisdom but as long as our trust remains on HIM, what can go wrong? I want to let everyone know that you matter to me. If you’re taking into account and reading my words, you know who you are, I want you to know that you’re important in my life. I want you to know that when I look at you, I look at you with God’s love. And to all you who read this, trust that God is there for you too.

"But let all who take refuge in You be glad, Let them ever sing for joy; And may You shelter them, That those who love Your name may exult in You. For it is You who blesses the righteous man, O Lord, You surround him with favor as with a shield." Psalm 5:11-12

I use to suffer for the lack of friends that I had. In my loneliness, I felt that I had no one to trust. I reserved my true self for those that passed my long and enduring test of true friendship…There weren’t many that passed. But now I know that there are many people out there that feel the same way as I did. This is what I decided to do: Wait upon the Lord and be a true person to everyone. I reserved nothing to everyone but provided much to anyone and ended up making many real friendships.

"In everything I showed you that by working hard in this manner you must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He Himself said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'" Acts 20:35

1 comment:

Jo Jo said...

I just LOVE YOU! You are such an inspiration and encouragement to me!

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