Lemonade of Hope

"In my distress I called upon the Lord, Yes, I cried to my God; And from His temple He heard my voice, And my cry for help came into His ears.” 2 Samuel 22:7

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade…Right? I recently had to make a decision on my studies. I feel so saddened and ask myself, “Why do I have this debilitating disease?” My dream has always been to become a nurse.

I’ve been working as a Surgical Tech/Assistant for ten years and thus have been exposed to the heartwarming, respectable working people of the healthcare system do. Working in the Labor and Delivery floor, I’ve met so many strong nurses, doctors, midwives, and anesthesia providers that are all willing to give so much of themselves for the health of others. I’ve seen how nurses are able to look into the eyes of perfect strangers and tend to them as if the patient is their own daughter. The love and passion that nurses give is absolutely outstanding and often leaves me awe struck. I’ve worked alongside these brilliant nurses for many years and found myself believing that I could provide the same or, in some cases, exceed the care given.

I have been working very hard, juggling work, a toddler, a baby, a new business, marriage, and all the home tasks, and now even a newly diagnosed disease, that I have found myself drowning. So many questions arise in my infinite self-pity that I’m almost becoming bored with myself. Hmm, self-pity. How does that help?

“…the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” Romans 8:26-27

After many many nights of prayer and thought, I’m overwhelmed in confusion and find that I need to give myself a break. Then I think, “More wasted time? You could’ve been a nurse by now if you hadn’t wasted so much time”. Pulmonary Hypertension has landed on the strip of my mind, blocking all other roads that I thought, at one time, I had. Now, things have changed for me. I do not have those backup roads to take anymore. I am forced to look at things in black and white.

Maybe nursing school is not for me anymore, I do not have the vigor I use to boast. In order to actually take care of sick patients, I am obliged to do all I can. Pulmonary Hypertension has exhausted my past energetic personality. This post almost feels like I’m apologizing to Nursing School or like I’m giving myself excuses. My heart is truly broken. I have never been a quitter. Oh Lord, What am I to do now?

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phillippians 4:4-7

I feel that I need to relieve my mind, and my heart, of unnecessary stresses. And although I am very disappointed, I can’t escape the feeling of excitement. The practical side of me has to stand aside and the kid in me just has to hold her Father’s hand and follow. It’s almost like at least now I know, you know? I am bewildered at the thought of the excitement growing within me because it’s all unknown territory that I’m blindly headed to. I have always been a planner. And now a little part of me is actually excited to not know. Is that possible? If you’ve read my past posts you know that I’m a little OCD. Okay, maybe not just a little…okay, a lot. I have to have things under control and neatly organized in the never-ending file cabinet of my mind. “There’s a place for everything and everything in its place”, is always my honorable motto! But now that I don’t know where life is taking me, I am secretly happy to plainly, just let go. I candidly trust in the Lord, so I constantly remind myself that He wouldn’t lead me through the incorrect path of life. So, what can go wrong? If I’ve got the ruler of the universe and all things, on my side, what can go wrong?

“For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.” Romans 8:24-25

When I started writing this post, I know I began with a depressed and desperate approach at conveying my feelings, but as I continued to write I found a little spark in the maze of my thoughts. Something within me lighted up and I found myself running toward it. Why would I want to inundate myself in the astray of self-pity? I don’t care how small that diminutive spark is, but I’m running for it. I will reach my arms toward it and never let go. It’s that sense of hope that engulfs me to write these foreign inspirational thoughts.

So let’s make some lemonade!

“And now, Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in You.”

Psalm 39:7

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Limonada de Esperanza

“En mi angustia llame al Senor, pedi ayuda a mi Dios y El me escucho desde su templo.” 2 Samuel 22:7

¿Cuándo la vida te da limones, haz limonada…no? Tuve que tomar recientemente una decisión sobre mis estudios. Me siento entristecída y me pregunto, “Porqué tengo esta enfermedad debilitante?”

Mi sueño siempre ha sido convertirme en una enfermera. He estado trabajando como una Ayudante Quirúrgica por diez años y así me he expuesto a una gente de trabajo conmovedora, respetable del sistema medicinal. Trabajando en el piso de maternidad, he conocido a mucha/os enfermeras, doctores, parteras, y provedores de la anestesia que estan dispuestos a dar tanto de sí mismos para la salud de otros. He visto cómo las enfermeras pueden mirar en los ojos de extranjeros perfectos y tender a ellos como si el paciente sea su propia hija. El amor y la pasión que dan es absolutamente excepcional y a menudo me deja llena de admiracion. He trabajado junto a estas enfermeras brillantes por muchos años y he llegado a creer que yo podría proporcionar igual o, en algunos casos, exceder el cuidado dado.

He estado trabajando arduosamente como un malabarista; poseo un niño, una bebé, un nuevo negocio, mi matrimonio, un trabajo, y todas las tareas caseras, y resientemente diagnosticada con una nueva enfermedad, que me encontre ahogandome. Muchas preguntas se presentan en mi infinita lastima que casi me estoy aburriendo yo misma. Mmm, lastima por si misma. ¿En que manera ayuda la lastima?

“...el Espíritu nos ayuda en nuestra debilidad. Porque no sabemos orar como es debido, pero el Espíritu mismo ruega a Dios por nosotros con gemidos que no pueden expresarse con palabras. Y Dios, que examina los corazones, sabe qué quiere decir el Espíritu, porque el Espíritu ruega conforme a la voluntad de Dios por los del pueblo santo.” Romans 8:26-27

Después de muchas muchas noches de oracion y del pensamiento, me abruman en la confusión y me doy cuenta que necesito un cambio. ¿Entonces pienso, “Más tiempo perdido? Ya hubiera sido una enfermera si no había perdido tanto tiempo”. La Hipertensión Pulmonaria ha aterrizado en la tira de mi mente, bloqueando el resto de los caminos que pensé, contemporáneamente, que tenía. Ahora, las cosas han cambiado para mí. No tengo esos caminos de reserva para tomar más. Me fuerzan en mirar las cosas en blanco y negro. Quizá la Escuela de Enfermeria ya no es para mí, yo no poseo jactanciosamente el vigor de antes. Para realmente tomar el cuidado de pacientes enfermos, soy obligada a hacer todo lo que pueda. La Hipertensión Pulmonaria ha agotado mi personalidad enérgetica. Este mensaje casi se siente como si estuviese disculpandome con La Escuela de Enfermeria o como si estuviese dando excusas. Mi corazón está verdaderamente roto. Nunca me he dado por vencida tan facilmente. ¿Señor, que hare ahora?

“Así Dios os dará su paz, que es más grande que todo cuanto el hombre puede comprender; y esa paz guardará vuestro corazón y vuestros pensamientos, porque estáis unidos a Cristo Jesús.” Filipenses 4:4-7

Siento que necesito aliviar mi mente, y mi corazón, de tensiones innecesarias. Y aunque estoy muy decepcionada, no puedo escapar la sensación del entusiasmo. El lado práctico de mí tiene que hacerse a un lado y la nina en mí debe tomar la mano de su padre y seguir. ¿Sabes? Por lo menos ahora mí ser sabe. Me desconciertan los pensamientos y el entusiasmo que crece dentro de mí porque es territorio desconocido para mi en el cual me dirijo ocultamente. He sido siempre una planificadora. Y ahora una pequeña parte de mí se excita por el simple hecho de no saber. ¿Es eso posible? Si han leído mis últimos mensajes saben que sufro un poco del trastorno de ser obsesiva-compulsiva. Bueno, quizá no un poco… bueno, mucho. Tengo que tener cosas bajo control y organizadas cuidadosamente en el gabinete interminable del archivo de mi mente. “¡Hay un lugar para todo y todo en su lugar”, siempre ha sido mi lema honorable! Pero ahora que no sé adónde la vida me está llevando, soy secretamente feliz de simplemente dejarme ir. Sinceramente confío en en el Señor, así que me recuerdo constantemente que El no me conduciría al camino incorrecto de la vida. ¿Así pues, qué puede ir mal? ¿Si tengo al Rey del universo y todas cosas, en mi lado, qué puede ir mal?

“Y en esa esperanza hemos sido salvados. Ahora bien, si lo que se espera está ya a la vista, entonces no es esperanza, porque ¿a qué esperar lo que ya se está viendo? Pero si lo que esperamos es algo que aún no vemos, con constancia hemos de esperarlo.” Romanos 8:24-25

Cuando comencé a escribir este mensaje, sé que comencé con un deprimido y desesperado intento a comunicar mis sentimientos, pero en lo continué escribiendo encontré una pequena chispa en el laberinto de mis pensamientos. Algo dentro de mí se encendió y me encontre corriendo hacia él. ¿Por qué desearía inundarme en el extraviado de la lastima? No me importa que tan pequeño sea la chispa diminuta, corro hacia ella. Extenderé mis brazos hacia él y nunca lo dejare ir. Es ese sentido de la esperanza que me engulle para escribir estos pensamientos extranjeros de inspiracion.

¡Asi que, vamos hacer un poco de limonada!

“Y así, Señor, ¿qué puedo ya esperar? ¡Mi esperanza está en ti!” Salmo 39:7

Respecting Your Spouse

The other night I read one of my friend’s blog posts to Hector out loud. A topic she mentioned in it was about respecting your husband. I couldn’t believe what a slap in the face it turned out to be. As I read it to Hector and then took a quick glance at his face I suddenly realized that, I, little ‘ole me, was under-appreciating my own husband. Mind you, I had read this exact post before without any revelation whatsoever but what made a difference this time was seeing Hector’s face as I read it. His face quiet and sympathetic. His eyes a gaze at the floor. His lips closed in reserve. His brows lifted in thought. I understood that as I continued reading he was finding himself relating to my friend’s husband as well. Suddenly the light bulb went on over my head and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.

"House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the LORD." Proverbs 19:14

He’s done so much for me over the past 15 years that we’ve been a couple. It’s been so long that I just tend to feel that he should know how much I love him and appreciate him. But does he really? We’ve been married for almost nine years and living together has really tried our hearts and patience. At first the days passed, then the months, now the years have passed so quickly. And maybe if I stop to listen to him I can actually hear a faint cry for help. In my eyes, it’s obvious how much I love him but I’ve realized that in his eyes things might seem a little different.

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word...So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself..." Ephesians 5:25-28


He does so much for me. He knows that with my disease I quickly lose my breath by hauling the heavy vacuum back and forth, so he vacuums for me. He knows that doing the laundry is exhausting for me, so he does the laundry. He knows that going up the stairs while carrying our little 21 pound baby takes my breath away, so he does that for me, sometimes several times in one day. He carries the backpack and Lisamarie to and from our car at the parking lots wherever we might go. He picks up everything off the floor even if it’s right by my feet, just so I don’t bend over. After work he’ll stop by the grocery store and pick up whatever we might need, cook dinner, then finish picking up all the toys in the living room and shower sometimes at 11 o’ clock at night. I can’t believe how much he does for me. How much he does for us, his family. Yeah, sometimes he complains and other times he says nothing. His days are so busy and filled with problems and responsibilities and still he admits that all he wants is to be at home with us, pesky brats.

He’s my husband. The one that showed me what True love was all about. The one that stood out from all the rest in High School. The one that spoke words of wisdom, when everyone else just wanted to go drinking and clubbing. The one that valued me even more so than my first hero, my dad. Hector, has always been the voice of inspiration and good judgment. The one that constantly makes me understand that God sees me as a precious treasure. He is my love and I his. Oh Lord, I give him to You, take care of him and bless him mightily.

"Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the LORD. Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them." Colossians 3:18-19

"However, in the LORD, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as the woman originates from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman; and all things originate from God." 1 Corinthians 11:11-12

Thanks Lorayne for the sincerity and humility you provide in your blogposts!
http://www.recoveringbrat.blogspot.com (Lorayne Nazur’s blog)

Critical Judgments

I heard a story the other day that made me ponder on our ability to set premature judgments on people. The story consisted of a family whom invited a prostitute into their home, willingly. Actually, the prostitute had been approached via the internet by an ordinary male. She thought she was there for ‘work’. When she arrived and was greeted at the door by a wife and her husband she didn’t know what to think. At first, when I heard this first part of the story, I didn’t know what to think either…The couple told the girl they were paying for her time to listen, nothing else. They proceeded to share their life story and talk to her about God and how He didn’t want her to persist on functioning this way as a prostitute selling her body to make ends meet. The girl’s first reaction was to leave and not be preached at, but she stayed and listened to their attempts at showing her the love of Christ.

At first, I thought, “This kind of a person can bring a lot of spiritual baggage and even be life threatening to my family. What if her ‘pimp’ decides he’s not too happy with our acquaintance and decides to do us harm? So many things can go wrong –real quick!”

“Do not be excessively righteous and do not be overly wise. Why should you ruin yourself?" Ecclesiastes 7:16

But then I thought about the girl. Who is she? Where does she come from? Does she even know she’s worth so much more? Does she have children waiting for her at home? Maybe she doesn’t want to settle for a regular occupation because the money’s not as good, or maybe she doesn’t even take home that much money because her pimp seizes all her earnings. Does she comprise any diseases? Does she even have a place to stay? What kind of people is she constantly being surrounded by?

This couple gave her an opportunity of adjustment. Whether she took it or not, she heard it and discovered there were many alternatives for her future.

“Indeed there is not a righteous man on earth who continually does good and who never sins. Also, do not take seriously all words which are spoken, so that you will not hear your servant cursing you. For you also have realized that you likewise have many times cursed others.” Ecclesiastes 7:20-22

How many times have we misjudged someone? They say first impressions are never forgotten. Yet on the contrary, people also say to never judge a book by its cover. Both these aphorisms are very popular. Which do you actually adhere to? We want to be that person that doesn’t criticize anyone, but are we? We say one thing here…and do another there. This is when I often ask myself: What Would Jesus Do?

I believe that people need a second chance, and a third and a fourth. The first impression is so misguided and false. We need to look beyond the person’s first impression and get into their heart and soul. See beyond those eyes of deception and climb over the walls of rejection. Some people have built a great barrier around them and won’t let just anyone in. Barriers need to be brought down. Arms need to be spread. Eyes need to be opened. Minds need to be humbled and hearts healed. Finding yourself in a position of sin, can happen to anyone and does. One sin is the same as another, sin is sin.

“Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation.” Romans 12:16

We judge so quickly those that simply need a hug and embrace. You criticize a person on the street for wearing shabby clothes yet it doesn’t cross your mind that that person might have a disease that takes hold of their entire paycheck for medications. Who cares about style when there’s kids going hungry? Sure you give a few bucks to the homeless but what do you do for that family who’s in need of groceries? We criticize their misfortunes and use their perils to make our lofty selves more sanctimonious. Our egos shine through yet our humility takes the back burner. We’ve convinced ourselves that we’re good people and yet our irresponsible actions continue.

By the way, that prostitute?…she was saved from the chains of immorality and sin. She finally bloomed into the rose God had intended her to be. All because a strange couple saw a light in her eyes when others only mocked and threw stones at her.

“Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women; what then do You say?...But Jesus stooped down and with His finger wrote on the ground…He straightened up, and said to them, ‘He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.’” John 8:7