My Heart Catheterization

I know I haven't written on my blog in a while, I'm sorry!!

About a month ago I underwent my second Right Heart Catheterization. Although for some it might be a minor out-patient procedure, to me it was none-the-less, well, a little intimidating. I am ashamed to admit it. I have such a strong faith in my God but still going into that O.R. intimidated me. You think I should feel totally comfortable in the O.R., seeing as I work there; but being on that operating table was scary.

I was given a little cocktail, as they call it, through my I.V. but for the most part, I was awake during my procedure and felt a lot of poking and prodding. I will never forget it. At one point I felt I was dying! My heart felt as if it was skipping several beats, then all of a sudden, I remember everything starting to go black. My finger tips began to get cold and numb and I couldn't help but cry. Still, I wasn't afraid, I kept thinking of all the people out there praying for me. Their faces ran through my mind as if a slide show. I could see them smiling at me and so I thought of their prayers. I felt their embrace as I imagined them with their heads bowed praying out to the Lord for me. Wow! Those are true friends!! Then, before I knew it, I'd doze off into sleep.

Suddenly, the procedure was over. I felt one nurse come over and wipe the tears from my face. I think I actually smiled at her with my eyes closed. Funny.

God gave me such an intense spirit of peace and I knew I was fine. My Lord had taken care of me, as always. He heard all the prayers that had been lifted up for me.

The very next day, I started getting meals delivered to my home. Everyday for two weeks! I couldn't believe it!! The ladies at my mom2mom group had all assigned themselves to deliver meals to my home. Two of my friends, even took my 4 year old out for play dates. I have never experienced such love before. I got to witness people truly being the hands and feet of Jesus. This is what has made my love for God even stronger. Seeing, regular ordinary girls, just like me, going out of their way to comfort me; to support me and to show me love. My Lord has delivered such an amazing family to me. And I can't help but praise Him. I yearn to do His will even more now. If it wasn't for this illness, I probably would have never made such good friends. And although my sickness can be scary, I realize that this illness has brought such joy to my life through different people and experiences, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I know His will is being done in my life. Life as Lizzy.

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." ~James 1:2-4

His Unfailing Love

"Don't tear your clothing in your grief,

but tear your hearts instead.

Return to the Lord your God, for he is merciful and compassionate,

slow to anger and filled with unfailing love.

He is eager to relent and not punish."

~Joel 2:13

Instead of getting angry at trials and burdens let us remember that our Lord is filled with unfailing love, let us repent and search our own hearts and trust that He is eager not to punish us.

The Lord says, "Turn to me now, while there is time. Give me your hearts" (verse 12). I believe that when the trials come, no matter how terrible, we should come to Christ and show him even our hearts' evil ways, transparent in repentance. Clean out your heart and turn your back to sin, go to Him and he will forgive.

"Pursue righteousness and a godly life, along with

faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness." ~1Timothy 6:11

The Lord has been impressing in my heart to seek His ways more and more. Everyday I am reminded to live a godly life; to pursue righteousness, to have faith in Him and in His decisions for my life; to love with His love and look into people's eyes with loving eyes. To persevere in searching for His will in my daily tasks. To be more gentle, especially with my children.

I pray that He will increase my hunger for Him even more. And no matter how many things I must go through, I will remind myself of Job, and his response when he had lost everything...

"I came naked from my mother's womb,

and I will be naked when I leave.

The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away.

Praise the name of the Lord!" ~Job 1:21

And even after he was struck with an illness, even the devil thought he'd curse the name of the Lord. Yes, he went through his struggling mind as he felt the pain of sickness but I grab on to the promise of God where he was told the following:

“But look, God will not reject a person of integrity,

nor will he lend a hand to the wicked.

He will once again fill your mouth with laughter

and your lips with shouts of joy.

~Job 8:21-21

God restored Job and his health and family more than ever before...

"Job lived 140 years after that, living to see four generations

of his children and grandchildren. ¹⁷

Then he died, an old man who had lived a long, full life."

~Job 42:16

"I'm Listening"

During my quiet time with the Lord today, He brought a revelation to me. Something that I had not thought of for quite some time now. In the midst of my prayers for others, He quieted my soul and shut my mouth. Prayer list in hand, He interrupted my pleading for others' requests and embraced me with love.

Following my Church's Womens Bible Study devotion, I had been reading Romans 8:37-39 and even drew little hearts by the verses in my bible because I loved so dearly what it said...

"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to seperate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

At this moment, as I finished reading the verse and proceeded on drawing my little hearts next to my newly found prized verses, I heard the voice of my son in the back yard. He had been playing with a neighbor who took one of his toys away. J began pleading to the boy to give him his toy back, "...please, my mommy bought it for me. Give it back." I heard the sweetness in his little voice, I heard the cry in his precious little heart and the innocence in his tender mind and right away I thought of my Abba Father. ...Mi papito lindo.

Oh how it broke my heart when I realized that God's heart is broken when He sees his own children hurt, like mine did for my son, be it as small as losing a toy. I thought to myself, "Oh my little son, I wish you didn't hurt, I wish you didn't cry." And suddenly, I saw my Lord, catching every tear I had ever cried. I saw Him embracing me and hugging me when I felt lonely. Then, I heard Him say to me, "I'm listening." -and there it was. I remembered the time I asked loudly and angrily to the Lord, "Why God am I going through this???!!?!? Are you even listening??!?!!"

"I'm listening."

The tears began falling off my face as I marveled at the grace He has for me. How wonderful and sweet the embrace is of a loving Father, who forgives His children. -who forgave me.

"For the mountains shall depart, And the hills be removed,

But My kindness shall not depart from you,

Nor shall My covenant of peace be removed.

Says The Lord who has mercy on you."

Isaiah 54:10