Message of hope...literally.

I remember the day that I went for an evaluation at the Oxygen company. I was sitting at a table along with another patient. We were both being evaluated to see how much oxygen we needed and what type of tanks would be best for our care. That was the day the devil laughed at me. I will never forget the frail blue-ish face of the other patient, an old man who looked like he was in his 70's and had probably smoked all his life. My heart sank when the therapist confirmed that my oxygen saturation was in fact worse than this man's. He only needed the small 'back-pack' tank. I, on the other hand, was going to need liquid oxygen because my sats were so low. I felt so bad and cried my whole drive home. I didn't want to talk to anybody but the situation I was in was so depressing and horrifying. I couldn't believe I was in worse shape than that old man. I could almost see the devils' face laughing at me, mocking me for living such a straight life.

I have to admit, I cried this morning in the shower thinking that I might not be here to see my little boy go to Kindergarten next year. I kept trying to visualize my little girl carrying a back-pack on her way to school and I couldn't visualize it. It broke my heart. While I was showering somebody left a message on my home phone...

It was the nurse who had just evaluated my need for oxygen a few days prior. I had to take this little machine home and tape an Oxygen Sensor to my finger overnight to monitor how low my oxygen saturation might go down. She said in the message, "Elizabeth, after speaking to your doctor and evaluating the results of your sleep test, we have decided to discontinue your oxygen therapy. You are doing EXCELLENT!!! They will soon contact you to pick up all the tanks and equipment that you don't need anymore."

Words cannot describe how happy I was! I had just finished crying my eyes out to God. Asking Him the 'why' question and going into a depressing pitty party for myself. I looked in the mirror, eyes red and swollen and smiled at my God. I felt His warm embrace as he confirmed that He is there, taking care of me. My future is still unknown, but that's okay. He continues to send me messages of hope, like todays message on my answering machine. I'm not going to delete that one. I'm going to remind myself to listen to it everytime I am feeling down.

Life as Lizzy.

Potty Training

Potty Training is definitely hard as it is when you're 'healthy', but for me it has definitely been very interesting to say the least. I find myself laughing at the simple tasks associated with basic potty training skills that I obviously lack. haha! Read on...

My little L is 2 1/2 years old and had started stripping her diapers off whenever she was 'wet'. So I decided maybe it was time to start potty training. She is at the point where she wears an underwear all day long and pees in the potty all the time. I should be ecstatic, right? Wrong. Here comes my dilemma...I am finding myself getting tired and out of breath every time she pees in the potty because this means I am up and down the stairs, running back and forth, and bending down and up more than usual. Hence, we only have one little potty upstairs because I haven't got the chance to buy a second one and she doesn't like the little toilet seat I had originally bought for our small downstairs bathroom.

Sad visual: picture me practically crawling up the stairs slowly, yet swiftly, breathing in as much air as I possibly can seeing a light at the of the tunnel as I reach the last step on the second floor. :(

Happy visual: She waves bye-bye to the draining urine and says, 'Bye-bye pipi!' as she empties the basin into the 'big' toilet then flushes it. :)

Laughing visual: If I don't get there in time, she'll splash her urine all over the floor as she attempts to carry the basin from her little potty to the big potty.

Finally, we've pardoned her on the basis of innocent age for the fact that she has no concept of being financially frugal as her parents are with even the most minuscule toiletries like toilet paper -thanks Dave Ramsey. I find myself thinking out loud asking sarcastically, 'Do you think the toilet paper grows on trees?' (actually it kinda does, lol). I have found several trails of TP slithered across the entire bathroom as if it were a white laboring anaconda helplessly searching for a resting place.

Should I laugh or cry?

:) Life as Lizzy.

My Heart Catheterization

I know I haven't written on my blog in a while, I'm sorry!!

About a month ago I underwent my second Right Heart Catheterization. Although for some it might be a minor out-patient procedure, to me it was none-the-less, well, a little intimidating. I am ashamed to admit it. I have such a strong faith in my God but still going into that O.R. intimidated me. You think I should feel totally comfortable in the O.R., seeing as I work there; but being on that operating table was scary.

I was given a little cocktail, as they call it, through my I.V. but for the most part, I was awake during my procedure and felt a lot of poking and prodding. I will never forget it. At one point I felt I was dying! My heart felt as if it was skipping several beats, then all of a sudden, I remember everything starting to go black. My finger tips began to get cold and numb and I couldn't help but cry. Still, I wasn't afraid, I kept thinking of all the people out there praying for me. Their faces ran through my mind as if a slide show. I could see them smiling at me and so I thought of their prayers. I felt their embrace as I imagined them with their heads bowed praying out to the Lord for me. Wow! Those are true friends!! Then, before I knew it, I'd doze off into sleep.

Suddenly, the procedure was over. I felt one nurse come over and wipe the tears from my face. I think I actually smiled at her with my eyes closed. Funny.

God gave me such an intense spirit of peace and I knew I was fine. My Lord had taken care of me, as always. He heard all the prayers that had been lifted up for me.

The very next day, I started getting meals delivered to my home. Everyday for two weeks! I couldn't believe it!! The ladies at my mom2mom group had all assigned themselves to deliver meals to my home. Two of my friends, even took my 4 year old out for play dates. I have never experienced such love before. I got to witness people truly being the hands and feet of Jesus. This is what has made my love for God even stronger. Seeing, regular ordinary girls, just like me, going out of their way to comfort me; to support me and to show me love. My Lord has delivered such an amazing family to me. And I can't help but praise Him. I yearn to do His will even more now. If it wasn't for this illness, I probably would have never made such good friends. And although my sickness can be scary, I realize that this illness has brought such joy to my life through different people and experiences, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I know His will is being done in my life. Life as Lizzy.

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." ~James 1:2-4