"I'm Listening"

During my quiet time with the Lord today, He brought a revelation to me. Something that I had not thought of for quite some time now. In the midst of my prayers for others, He quieted my soul and shut my mouth. Prayer list in hand, He interrupted my pleading for others' requests and embraced me with love.

Following my Church's Womens Bible Study devotion, I had been reading Romans 8:37-39 and even drew little hearts by the verses in my bible because I loved so dearly what it said...

"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to seperate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

At this moment, as I finished reading the verse and proceeded on drawing my little hearts next to my newly found prized verses, I heard the voice of my son in the back yard. He had been playing with a neighbor who took one of his toys away. J began pleading to the boy to give him his toy back, "...please, my mommy bought it for me. Give it back." I heard the sweetness in his little voice, I heard the cry in his precious little heart and the innocence in his tender mind and right away I thought of my Abba Father. ...Mi papito lindo.

Oh how it broke my heart when I realized that God's heart is broken when He sees his own children hurt, like mine did for my son, be it as small as losing a toy. I thought to myself, "Oh my little son, I wish you didn't hurt, I wish you didn't cry." And suddenly, I saw my Lord, catching every tear I had ever cried. I saw Him embracing me and hugging me when I felt lonely. Then, I heard Him say to me, "I'm listening." -and there it was. I remembered the time I asked loudly and angrily to the Lord, "Why God am I going through this???!!?!? Are you even listening??!?!!"

"I'm listening."

The tears began falling off my face as I marveled at the grace He has for me. How wonderful and sweet the embrace is of a loving Father, who forgives His children. -who forgave me.

"For the mountains shall depart, And the hills be removed,

But My kindness shall not depart from you,

Nor shall My covenant of peace be removed.

Says The Lord who has mercy on you."

Isaiah 54:10

Smile

"Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart,

All you who hope in the Lord." -Psalm 31:24

These past few days I've encountered surreal moments that have left me with a benevolent thought. The other day I was walking alone on campus at my church. It was a beautiful crisp day. There was a question in my head that kept repeating itself to me... "One word, choose one word to describe your future." I didn't know how to answer at first but have gotten nudges from the Lord telling me what I should answer. My answer? Hope. I have hope.

Footnote:
It's funny that I have these conversations with myself. And even funnier that my brain keeps challenging me with questions that keep me thinking for days on end! But I feel that that is how the Holy Spirit works. This is how He speaks to me and I converse with Him. :)

Back to my post:
He has kept reminding me that I've got hope in Him. I've been reading my Bible so much lately and have consequently self-concluded that the entire Bible is a book of hope. In the past, I fell asleep with the many scenes of my yesteryears or the burdensome forthcomings that my tomorrow might hold. Now I don't think about what was anymore or what is to come. I don't burden my thoughts with a should've, would've, could've mentallity. I fall asleep with a sense of anticipation. One day my Lord will come and take me away to heaven. How precious that is. I have something incredible to look forward to. No more tears, no more pain, the only thing left will be the joy of sharing His presence. Everything that occurs on this Earth is for that purpose, so that we may be able to live forever with Him. I love that song that says, "I can only imagine..." because that is all I can do is imagine what it'll finally be like.

My heart has been strengthened. My hope has increased. My life is lived with an expectation. There's so much to look forward to when He's got the To-Do List of my soul. Because this body is just a body, but my true life is my everlasting soul. The smiles of life that He gives me cause an impression on me so wide and sublime. A simple butterfly fluttering by showing me its' grandure is a smile upon me, from my Lord. I was chosen to be the highlight of that precious little butterfly's 3-day life span. So, while I'm on this little thing called Earth, I will choose to smile back. :)

Iron Chef skit...my testimony

I was alone, had just accepted the Lord in my life and the depression that had conquered my past life was on the prowl again. I felt like little red robin hood, making my way through the woods of life. Steering clear of the dangerous places but no matter how fast I ran, or where I went, it still managed to pat me on my back. Sadness. Then, I felt the love of God embrace me. I had never felt that before in my times of lonliness and now it was different. HE was there. And I was able to fight off this sneaky perpetrator. I remember writing a poem and asking GOD to use me. Simply that. Just to use me in a way that I'd help to impact people. I have to admit, that for many years after that I never felt useful to HIM. I thought, "Well, Lord...Are you gonna use me or is this Christian thing just so that I can be happy with myself, by myself?"

On Sunday Feb 7th, HE spoke to me. Actually, HE'S been speaking to me for a couple of years or so since my diagnosis. But that particular day HE gave me the response I had been longing for since I was 16 years old. I got to experience the feeling of actually being a part of something that made a difference. I am so thankful to Crossroads Christian Church and Pastors Chuck, Ronny and Tony for doing such an amazing job. What started out as a funny skit, or spoof on Iron Chef ended up being an emotional and loving testimony of my life and what it's like living with Pulmonary Hypertension.

As I stepped forward that sunday onto the stage, a rush of excitement filled my being. The place was packed and with all the bright lights, all I could see were the echoing shadows of people sitting in the audience. I kept thinking of what I was going to say. The spot light would be on me, afront thousands and I couldn't help but tremble at the thought. My mind was slowly going blank and my thoughts began to ramble in my head. As I began to hear Pastor Tony Wood speak about my life, my battle, my husband and kids, I did the only thing I could do, take deep breaths. One breath in and and another out, slowly and hypnotically calming. I wondered if anyone could see me shivering. Slowly I wispered to myself, "Jehova Shalom, Jehova Shalom, Jehova Shalom."

Then something amazing happened...a flashback. H and I had just gotten home from Hollywood. I had had a procedure done, called a Right Ventricle Cardiac Catheterization. They inserted a tiny wire into my groin area that traveled through the inside of my artery, all the way up into the right side of my heart. This would measure the exact pulmonary arterial hypertension. It confirmed my diagnosis. Once home, I was on bed rest. My mom and aunt helped me up the stairs and there in my room was waiting my aid and comrade, my portable oxygen concentrator. It was a noisy thing. So I put on the nasal cannula and breathed in the cleansed air, laying myself down in bed, as if welcoming an imminent death. H walked in and simply gazed at me in bed, seeing the tubes up my nose. He later confessed that at that moment, he saw his life flash before his eyes. 30 years old, he forcefully braced himself on becoming a caretaker of his sick young wife.

The mic was on me now, the spotlight glared and released what seemed like an emotion of triumphant beams. Almost two years hence, I was on bedrest, on Oxygen 24/7, disabled from work...today I was on stage, as healthy as I'd ever been with thousands of people praising my Lord along with me.

My words...

"I am Liz Blanco and that is MY story. Ever since being diagnosed I have realized how important our time here on Earth really is. And I can't tell you what a blessing it's been since giving myself completely to the Lord."

http://www.crossroadschurch.com/sermons/vimeo.asp?embed=clip%5Fid%3D9282094&date=February+07+AM%2C+2009&title=Iron+Chef+Crossroads&speaker=Chuck+Booher

It is by The Lord's stripes, that I am healed. (Isaiah 53:5)