Post New Year Reflection

I don't know if it's just the post New Year Blues -in my case, the Post New Year's Reflections- or maybe it's that my little girl turned two years old a couple weeks ago. H and I were reminiscing on how we were living two years ago with a newborn baby girl. I can hardly even believe it. Life was so hard at the time, so many things were going on and stress ruled our inner beings that we could hardly catch our breath. We had just moved back from Texas, were financially struggling, living off of our prior good credit score via our credit cards, had just started a new business, I was gonna start working part time in a new hospital and well, we had a new born baby to keep me and my rambunctious 2 1/2 year old company!!!! Ahhhhhh!!! Least to say, life was not easy.

...Life as Lizzy!

But now it seems we've kinda gotten hold of the boat's helm and the waves of the cumbersome ocean have subsided and let us relax. It seems that the tension in our arms from manouvering the heavy wheel of life is able to relax for just a little bit now. Splashes of thunderous waves aren't hitting us left and right anymore and we're able to actually take off our rain coats and those clunky rain boots. Flip flops anyone? Maybe we might even get to get a REAL vacation this year. Did I mention my 10 year wedding anniversary is coming up??? -H, I hope you're reading this.

No, life's not easy. I sometimes stop to think how other couples might've coped with what we've been faced with. The disease and all, because it's not easy. It's been a very trying time for us in so many aspects, my husband especially. We've gone through a stressful rollercoaster filled with emotional twists and turns that frankly, I don't know how others with diseases cope. Hearing about so many divorces and people getting seperated...it makes me sad to think. They have their health. -and I don't. What would I give to go back a few years and do things differently. I feel like I could've accomplished so much more. Although, I have no regrets, I am still perturbed by the infamous phrase 'what if ?'. But I've come to realize, I love my husband and my children so much, that who cares if I've got this disease??? I'm alive now and I'm with my beautiful family.

Proverbs 17:1
"Better a dry crust eaten in peace, than a house filled with feasting-and conflict."

My new endeavor...

Okay, so many of you might know by now that I cannot sit still. I'm such a demanding multi-tasker that something's always going on in my life....School, kids, work projects, mom's clubs, women's clubs, church, parties, park outings, shopping, HUSBAND (oops, almost forgot that one). Haha!

Anyways, this time I've gone on a frenzie and started writing kids' books!! Yup, I've got three already written. And so many more on the way. For those who are also following me on Facebook, you'll know from all my status updates that my mind is going round and round exloding with more book ideas. I've always LOVED to write. I actually want to write a novel one day but for now, I will try this baby step, aside from blogging, and actually try this children's book writing stuff.

I am not going to give too much info or titles or what the books are actually all about, or I'd have to kill you. ...But I will say that my 4 year old J is already my biggest fan! He said he prefers my stories to the ones we read from all the library books we rent. So that is the best critique I've gotten so far. :)

2009

I did it! During this time last year I made myself a resolution for 2009. Many might think it's a farely easy new year's resolution but I challenge you to live it. After being diagnosed with a deadly disease I resoluted to living my life to the fullest. And although I didn't jump out of an airplane or travel to Europe, the one thing I did do was make every single moment as meaningful as I could live it. I was there, present in the moments. Every tear cried, every smile to a random stranger, every word spoken, every laugh laughed with friends, every morning while eating breakfast with the kids...was meaningful.

I can't tell you what a year it's been. What a blessing it is to live like this. No more worrying about the coming years, or planning for this or that. I lived in the present. I hugged my kids and smelled their bodies next to mine. I lived like I was dying. I took in every single blessing and enjoyed it. When the sun rose, I smiled. And when the moon came up to greet the night sky, I smiled at the day I had had. I tucked in my little ones to bed and said many prayers with them. I kissed their foreheads with love and proclaimed many blessings to their lives, knowing fully that any day could be my last. I kissed my husband passionately and I smiled at his wonderful character. I lifted him up with laughter and comforted him with a soft touch of tenderness.
Friends and family have come forward and expressed such love to me that is trully indescribable. God has brought people in my life that have been like angels to me. During a time of much fear and uncertainty, the one thing that I did have to hold on to was my God. He showed me in so many ways this past year that He is here with me. So many confirmations have come to my life that basically kept me going and kept me smiling.

My doctor asked me if I suffered from depression after my diagnosis and my answer was a smile. Because at that moment I saw the many faces of loved ones that keep me going. I smiled because at that moment I saw the embrace that God has given me. No depression for me. Just love and hope.

So this 2010, I will continue my year of meaningful times. And even though I might just be doing ordinary things...every single moment counts in my life. Every single moment is important in my life and has been registered in the memory cabinet of my brain's library.

"The LORD knows the days of the upright, And their inheritance shall be forever." Psalm 37:18