I HAVE MOVED!!!

Hello friends! Please click here to be re-directed to my new home. :)

There's so much I have to tell you...

~Life As Lizzy

A Proverbs 31 Woman (Week 2 of Study)

I am doing a Proverbs 31 Woman Study and am loving it. Today was the end of week 2 which brought a day of reflection on this weeks' verses. You can check out the study by clicking here.

I thought about my role as a godly wife to my husband. A lot of times, I feel a little ashamed that I don't do many of the normal chores that I should be doing around the house, like cleaning. It is definitely a low point when I can't contribute. I feel so bad when he works so hard. He literally works 6 days a week at our Body Shop, drives 50 miles to get home in L.A. traffic and then proceeds to scrub the toilets and vacuum the bedrooms. He is such an amazing man. Never complains. He says, he'll do it all, as long as he has me and our kids have their mother. He would do anything for me. He reminds me time and time again that if he could he'd gladly exchange our lungs. But things just don't work that way with Pulmonary Hypertension...

And I know God had it all planned out. 

The man who finds a wife finds a treasure,
    and he receives favor from the Lord. ~Proverbs 18:22

You see, in my endless effort to be a good wife, that Proverbs 31 Woman that King Lemuel's mom talked about, I find ways to compensate. Everything I CAN do, I do. With the kids, laundry folding. And I try my best to always be a beautiful wife inside and out for him. I greet him with a smile. I speak gentle words to him. I lift him up with praises. I try to provide him with a shoulder, one that nobody else can offer him. I am his right hand. 

Her husband can trust her,
    and she will greatly enrich his life. ~Proverbs 31:11

So in some way, I am being a Proverbs 31 Woman. 

Because I know he can trust me. 

Because I know I enrich his life. 

One of the things I love about our relationship is our communication. He tells me everything and anything. He makes it a point to always praise my good efforts. And I certainly make it a point to praise his good works. 

A few years ago, we discovered that both our Love Language is Physical Touch. Which is really funny because we've never been that couple that can't keep their hands off each other. Simple pats and hugs make a BIG difference in a relationship ladies! So don't go a day without giving your husband a nice hug and kiss!

This makes me feel so loved. And even though I can't do a lot of physical cleaning due to this disease, I can do a lot of emotional loving! 

~Life As Lizzy

Mateo 5:8 Puros de Corazón

Mateo 5:8 “ Bienaventurados los de limpio Corazón porque ellos verán a Dios”

Quienes son los puros de Corazón?
He estado pensando en esto por unos pocos días



Me encontré en la oscuridad de la mañana y empecé a pensar en esto.



He establecido una rutina personal, realmente muy hermosa, que es ir al dormitorio de mis niños, uno a la vez, y orar por ellos...



Abrazarlos



Olerlos



Hago esto dos veces por semana, justo antes de irme a trabajar (es el único momento que me levanto a las 4 de la mañana). Ellos se ven tan angelicales en la tranquilad de su sueño. Me encanta . Me recuerdan de Jesús orando temprano en la mañana en el Getsemaní. Y me pregunto, porque estas levantadas tan tempranas traen tanta profundidad al pensamiento? Jesús fue molestado ahí, El sabía lo que estaba viniendo. Y aún así El aceptó la voluntad de Su padre no la suya. Por su voluntad El estaba en armonía con la voluntad de Su padre. Cuando estoy despierta durante estas mañanas, me siento muy conectada con El. Siento como si solo somos El y yo.

Y trato de orar como lo hizo Jesús…para que Su voluntad se haga no la mía.

De regreso en el dormitorio de mis hijos..

Hago esta oración:

Señor, que J y LM te amen a Ti y amen Tu palabra con todo su Corazón,

con su mente y su alma.

Que ellos crezcan siendo un hombre y mujer de Dios. Amen

Me he dado cuenta que no importa que venga en sus caminos, si ellos lo ponen primero a El, si siguen Su voluntad, Su amor, entonces ellos estarán bien. …no importa lo que les pase. Yo creo esto porque ha dado resultado para mi. Cuando recibí la devastante noticia de mi horrible enfermedad algo cambio en mi, y empecé una jornada creyéndole a El. Me di cuenta que Su voluntad debería de hacerse en lugar de la mía. Y créanme grandes cosas ocurrieron desde ese día. Y algo que tengo bien claro es que si creo en El, El nunca me va a dejar sola.

Su voluntad, no la mía, es mi mejor arma

Y luego de leer Mateo 5:8,

Me di cuenta que yo estaba orando por ellos para que sean PUROS DE CORAZON.





Que ellos siempre deseen el Señor con todo su corazón. Que primero lo busquen a El, que busquen Su aprobación en todo lo que hagan. Este verso me recordó de lo que el Señor había puesto en mi corazón. Una oración de paz fue puesta en mi por parte de Dios de algo que había sido sembrado y que ahora estaba brotando en una planta fuerte y saludable.



Es algo tan obvio.



Mis niños esperan esa oración temprana. J se ha dado cuenta que yo hago esto. El me espera cada mañana cuando yo me tengo que levantar temprano a trabajar. La noche anterior el duerme mejor sabiendo que yo estaré ahí en su dormitorio para simplemente orar por el. A veces el me recibe con una sonrisa con los ojos cerrados.

Puros de Corazón. Puros de Corazón, para que ellos vean al Señor.

Y que tanto lo veo al Señor en todo lo que hago. A través de mi día. En el trabajo, en la casa, haciendo limpieza, enseñando, leyendo, yo veo al Señor. Y lo hago muchas veces, y se que El me bendice con pequeños empujoncitos que yo lo describo como besos, los recibo y a cambio le entrego un corazón agradecido.



Puros de Corazón

Y yo conseguiré verle a El

Todos los días.

 
 
~Life As Lizzy, en espanol!

{{Translation into spanish by Karen Valle}}

Deconditioning

Deconditioning - The loss of muscle tone and endurance due to chronic disease, immobility, or loss of function.



Went for a walk a few weeks ago! I can't believe it either. The doctor said I needed to start exercising, walking 20-30 minutes a day. Really? Never thought I'd hear those words. Four years ago, I pulled an oxygen tube around my face in order to walk just ten steps.

So I went for a walk around the park while L was at her Musical Munchkins class. Didn't know what I'd encounter...

I chuckled when the full term pregnant gal walked faster than I...

I had become use to running on the Santa Monica Beach sand almost ten years ago, when I worked there. It was beautiful. The conversations I had with God, were unstoppable, just like my endurance. Unstoppable.

The doctor mentioned this word, 'decondition'. He didn't want my muscles to become deconditioned to doing nothing. I was amazed that day after hearing from him that I have become able to walk again. Walk for the sole purpose of exercise. The Pulmonary Hypertension symptoms have pretty much gone away, thanks to some pretty awesome medications.

And thanks to my God, whom is always faithful.

I thought about that word on my drive home from the doctor's office that afternoon. Something told me that I not only needed to walk for physical endurance, but it was time to halt a common route to spiritual deconditioning. You see, living with a deadly disease, is like constantly being reminded of the things you can't do. After months, years of hearing that dreadful 'you can't', your spirit can become bitter. Ever heard the saying, "If you don't use it, you lose it"? Well, I also need to keep my spirit up to speed on the God exercises. Spiritual Endurance.

I've been walking about three times a week now. Happy to say I am getting faster and faster, I might be able to jog very soon. Wha?

And as I walk, I meditate on so many things. Prayer, scripture, and just simply taking in all the beauty around me. -Yes, even the rollie-pollie's on the side walk. 

I have to admit though, I had become so use to not being active, at all, that part of me was a little scared. I didn't want to get my hopes up. What if I can't walk? What if I start feeling that dreadful elephant-on-my-chest feeling? Noooo! I didn't want to set myself up for failure. So, at first, I procrastinated getting back into walking. Glad I didn't wait too long...

The kids decided to join me this day. 

They slowed me down. -Ahem.

haha!

Getting ready for my morning walk.

Achtung: No make-up!

As you can see, I am in desperate need of new workout clothes. Four years ago, I did away with all my shorts, tanks, and pants. :o) 

But the clothes is the least of my concerns... 

Race to cure PH!

Last week, I received the annual invitation to Taylor's Wish 5K Run/Walk. Taylor was diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension and died at 4 1/2 years old. Her parents, created the fundraiser in hopes of raising awareness of the disease so that other families won't suffer the loss of a loved one due to this horrible and mostly unheard of disease. She left a twin sister, Brooke. You can check out her story and donate at www.taylorswish.org

I toyed with the idea of walking with God. It was only between me and God, and then I accidentally mentioned it to my Couple's Home Group, Moment Church Tribe. The girls, jumped on the idea and made the decision that they'd support me and walk with me in honor of Taylor. That was all the encouragement I needed, so we all registered online that night, kids and all. I can't wait! All glory to God!

We will be walking a 5K on June 2 in Orange County! Agh! I can't believe it!

So here I am, gearing up for a race! Who would've thought? Like I said, nothing is impossible for God. Nothing.

~Life As Lizzy

Expect to See Blessings Everyday

⁴⁶ They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity^[j]—

⁴⁷ all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people.

And each day the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved.

~Acts 2 46-47

I was reading a daily devotional the other day The Confident Woman by Joyce Meyer... and something struck a cord.

"Resist and refuse to let doubt convince you that good things won't happen to you and your family; aggressively expect good things! Ask God to give you divine supernatural favor and then expect to see it in your life daily." (p.121) She follows with a prayer that I will tell, as I remember it (it is not word for word)...

Expect to see Your blessings poured out to you today.

Makes me take a deep breath.

When I was faced with the news of this illness, I couldn't help but fall into the deep abyss of doubt. I asked Him, if there would ever be any good for me in this life.
I didn't understand what it meant to praise during hardship.
I didn't understand that I'd see His hand like never before.
I didn't understand that I was actually being faced with an opportunity for greatness.
-For an ultimate blessing.
I couldn't see it then,

but I see it now.

I wake up everyday, asking with expectation for His blessings to be poured unto me.

Because He does.

Because He is faithful in doing so.

He has added to my fellowship, like never before.

I implore you, take a deep breath, look at the good.

Sometimes we dwell in the muck of the bad news. We entertain those thoughts in our head. One, two, three, we list all the things that we have going badly for us. We numerate them, caress them and guard a special little corner in  our hearts for that cancer of a feeling. Depression. Resentment. All ugliness that breeds in our hearts, grows with every drip of watering we add to it every day.

We need to stop.

I've learned that what my mind entertains, that is what comes out of my heart. And this is not just positive thinking. Looking at the glass half full. It is more than that.

It is taking every single negative thought captive. Looking at it, recognizing it, and then throwing it away. Trust me, it's not easy. I became use to it. It was my little pet that followed me around throughout my day, unconditionally faithful to me. It took a lot to change my ways.

The first step was recognizing that negative thought. That devil's lie.

Second, was throwing it away. Be done with it. Stop putting yourself down. Stop caressing that evil thought.

Third, believe in the One who gave it all up for you. He is your lawyer. He has taken it all on His shoulders. And He wants to bless you.

He wants to pour out so much goodness on you that you will have nothing else to do but gasp at His grace.

So every time I find myself praying like Jesus did in Gethsemane. The devil will try as hard as he can to put me down. I hear so many lies. So many put downs. He belittles me. He mocks me.

You'll never see this. You'll be dead soon. You can't do this, or that. The list goes on and on...

But I know I have the power to stomp on his head, just like Jesus did on that hill.

Romans 8 says, "No power in the sky above or in the earth below -indeed nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate you from the love of God..." (verse 39).

So when I'm out of breath, feeling the symptoms of this disease. I slow down. Take it in. I think back to the joy and generosity that He's surrounded me with and I praise Him. I choose to believe that He will pour out blessings on me. Right then and there.


He always does.

The blessings not only pour out, but cascades of goodness come over me. I have been able to do things, that I didn't think I could. His blessings never stop.

And He wants to bless you too.





~Life As Lizzy

Psalm 148

"He has made his people strong,

honoring his faithful ones-

The people of Israel who are close to Him.

Praise the Lord!"

~Psalm 148:14, NLT 

Simple, but infinite in my book.

Strength. Who doesn't want strength? We can all use some spiritual strength. Physical strength too. What about honor? The dictionary defines honor as 'High respect', 'good reputation', 'recognition'.

I was blessed by the mention of Strength and Honor and the intimacy in verse 14. I thought of these three as attributes that could potentially take me to a higher, and more rich, level of security, lets just say, a relationship with Christ. Ultimately I have learned that my strategic thought process attaches security into the realm of a relationship. That is what makes it valid in my mind. I feel secure, therefore I feel the relationship is not only real but deeply rooted. It is what I crave. And although I am not in the least worried or even preoccupied at the thought of not being accepted in society, even amongst friends. I have become this needy little girl, craving to be continually accepted by her father, in my case, God. I have come to understand that He is the Only One I need to please. And crave for, for that matter. But I know that there really is nothing I can DO to win His love. His love is grace. He gives it no matter what.

But I rest knowing that...

All I need is You.

But I should also mention that I also crave the deep relationships with my friends, and family. But ultimately, I know that He is above all else. I realize that He knows me better than I, he knows whom he's placed in my life and at what particular time.
{{Friends, you know who you are! Wink, wink. I. Love. You.}}

And then, He continues with mentioning that this relationship brings with it His honor. Oh, how I long to be honored by Him. To be able to hear those beautiful words of affirmation come forth from his mouth.

"Well done, good and faithful servant!"

And I ask myself: Lord, have I done what you've expected of me so far? This life has been tough, you know. A deadly disease is nothing to take lightly.
.
..Oh, but YOU went through so much WORSE, (I am reminded).

Yes, I know. {{sigh}}



--Silence.



-I can hear the wind outside my bedroom window. Wonder what the air sounded like when you took your last breath on that cross. Wonder how you felt when you saw my face and blinked for the last time.

As I am reading on, this verse speaks of those "who are close to him"?

Sometimes our circumstances inhibit an attitude of praise. We don't want to praise when things are going bad. When we're faced with difficult circumstances like sickness or death, or bad news like a job loss or even when we receive a simple dirty look from someone.

Reminds me of Romans 8...

Does it mean He no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (v.35)


It's hard to praise God in those moments. But He calls us to praise Him anyhow. He calls even the sun and moon to praise. What makes us better than the sun and moon? And his promise to us is strength, honor and to be close to Him -a relationship. This relationship is like no other. Nothing will ever compare.

I am close to Him. I am 'those' that verse fourteen spoke of.

 I am honored. I am strengthened. I. Am. His.

So praise on! Praise Him from anywhere and everywhere. Praising Him during rough circumstances changes everything. Especially- even more so, during those tough times.

And even though life has gotten a bit hard for me. It really is so much more rich because I am stronger.

~Life As Lizzy

Matthew 5:8 Pure in Heart

Matthew 5:8  "Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God."  

Who are the pure in heart? 

I thought about this for a few days.

I found myself one early morning in the stillness of the dark. 

I have made a routine, a precious one really, to go into both my kids' rooms, one at a time, and pray for them.

Hold them.

Smell them. 

I get to do this twice a week, right before leaving to work (its the only time I am ever up at 4am). They are so angelic in their peaceful state. I just love it. Reminds me of Jesus praying early in the morning in Gethsemane. Why do these early morning rises bring such deepness in thought? Jesus was troubled there, for He knew what was coming. And yet He still welcomed his Father's will -not his own. For his will was in harmony with the Father's will. When I awake during these early rises, I feel such a connection to Him. It feels like it is just me and Him.

And so, I try to pray like Jesus did...  Not my, but His will be done.  

Back in my kids rooms...
This is my prayer:

Lord, may J and LM love You and Your Word with all their hearts, all their minds, and all their souls. May they grow up to be a strong man and woman of God. ~Amen.

I realize that no matter what comes their way. If they just put Him first, His will, His love, then my kids will be alright... No matter what. I trust this because it has worked for me. When the devastating news of an ugly illness came knocking at my door, I began a journey of trust. I realized, that His will needed to be done before my own. And boy, have remarkable things occurred since then. I know, first hand that I can trust Him to never leave me alone.

His will, not my own, is the best policy.

And then after reading up on Matthew 5:8,

 I realized I was actually praying for them to be 

PURE IN HEART. 

That they will always long for the Lord with everything in their might. That they will seek first, His approval in everything they do.  And so this verse reminded me of what the Lord has placed in my own heart. A peaceful prayer has made its way out from that deeply rooted seed that the Lord planted and has come out strong and healthy into an overgrown flowery plant.

It is so obvious.

So much so that my kids also now long for that early morning prayer. J has come to realize that I do this. He expects it every time the day comes where I wake up early to go to work. He sleeps better that night, knowing that I will be there, in his room in the stillness of the dark to simply pray for him. Sometimes he greets me with a smile -eyes closed.

Pure in heart.  Pure in heart, for they shall see God.

And oh, how I long to see God in everything I do. Throughout my day. At work, at home, cleaning, teaching, reading, I long to SEE God.  And I do. Many a times. He blesses me with nudges. I describe them as kisses. I am able to grasp His kisses and return them with a thankful heart.

Pure in heart. 
And I get to see Him. 
Everyday.  

 ~Life as Lizzy

This Man of Little Words

Thank you Father for this man of little words

This man that receives me day in and day out

Who comes home after a long hard day at work and stands there

Listening to my every word

This man, with his sincere smile

My words, like a blabbering fool, spill out unto our conjoined air

He hears about my days' struggles,

The kids' fights,

The lady on the freeway who almost hit me,

The rumor my mom's entertaining.

This man listens to me

All while catching a glimpse at his callused hand

His eyes gloom down at his rough fingers

He's been at work all day

Hearing complaints, deciphering car problems, dealing with Insurance Adjusters.

Yet he stands there, itchy from the Shop's dust on his uniform

He still stands there, aching knees probably

And listens

Gives me a raised eyebrow here and there to let me know I've got his full attention

His big brown eyes, seducing.

God, I am so blessed.

Laying next to him, while he sleeps, hours later,

Recalling the previously-mentioned events.

I am in the dark, typing away...

I can here his breathing. He is so tired.

And he does it all for me.

Makes me feel like he is my Hosea. And I, I am the tattered woman.

Undeserving to have this man love me the way he does.

What can I do, God, to give him rest. To love him back.

What can I do. I feel I am not good enough. Don't do enough -can't do enough

Because of this sickness that plagues me. Why did you give such a good man

Me?

This lemon of a person?

This damaged wife?

So I ask him:

You love me so much. Why? Even with all my faults.

He answers:

Those faults are just superficial. I love YOU.

~Life As Lizzy

Life Insurance Policy?

I know I have been sort of dormant lately. And that my followers have probably fogotten about me. But here I am again. This empty screen of mine, is so therapeutic. I love being able to just sign on whenever I feel, or hear, resounding words in my head. Words, that consequently I feel need to be in my blog. I know I don't write much. Less now, even. Life has gotten busy.

With my health in such a positive state, I have added more unto my plate. My husband might not think it's such a good idea. I think it's good.

Last year, a very special friend of mine invited me to join a 'Tech Accountability group' called Good Morning Girls (www.GoodMorningGirls.org). I am in two groups of about 10 gals each, which I LOVE) and we email eachother daily from Monday through Friday bits about our quiet time for that particular day. At first, I think my mind took it as a challenge that I could later, proudly accomplish. It wasn't easy at first. It's been more than a year and it is one of the best things I have ever challenged myself to partake in. Reading the Word of God, every single day. Studying it. Devouring it. Knowing it. The consequence? FEELING it. And then, expressing it through action. A certain transformation. A physical one, really. So stay tuned. I might post bits of my private postings here later! haha! I am learning so much. The main thing I've learned is that the Word really is LIVING. Because from the things I am reading, I am putting into action in my daily life. The Word, is transcending those printed pages, into my heart. Changing the way I think, changing the way I respond, changing the way I choose to love and be loved. My actions, my life, has changed because my perspective on life has changed with it.

I feel that I am putting myself in such a good position through this process of being in the Word everyday. Especially living with Pulmonary Hypertension. The Word of God, has helped me be okay with where I am today. That makes me a happier person. Which then makes me a healthier person. Which then makes those around me, less stressed about my situation. It is as if being in the Word of God is allowing my blood to travel through my arteries at a less stressed pace. My heart is less stressed by this new-found 'Insurance Plan'. Sorry hunny, I don't yet have the traditional life insurance we wanted, but I do have this spiritual insurance policy that doesn't require an out-of-pocket deductible. Oh and the 'big guy' who runs the company, he's been in business for a LONG time.

~Life As Lizzy

To Share My Story

To share my story

It is but a wonder to really see what life is all about. To know, that I am still here even though a few years ago the harsh reality was that I might not be here today.

But I am.

Sunday, I was offered the wonderful opportunity to share a bit of my story at Moment Church. I am so humbled by all the lives that were moved. By this story of mine. A story of struggle, a story of sickness, a story of grey days filled with gloom. This story of mine that the Lord has turned around for the good. This story, which I thought was the worst thing I could face, has turned out to be the most beautiful thing I've ever been a part of. Here is a written version of what I shared on Sunday...

This story...

You know

When I was first asked to come up and share my story, I kept thinking

"What should I say Lord?"

I quickly realized that I was asking the wrong question. If its one thing I've learned through this journey, is that the "I" has to disappear. So the correct question is,

"Lord, what do YOU want THEM to hear from me?"

So, I prayed.

All of you need to know how God will provide. He provided for me every step of the way. He was there...

It's amazing to see, looking back now, how detailed the Lord has been.

-When I first began to feel the symptoms of Pulmonary Hypertension, I had just started my new job so The MEDICAL BENEFITS had just kicked in. He Provided me with insurance benefits, right in the nick of time.

-After being diagnosed in October of 2008, I was told I could never have more kids because the risk to carry a pregnancy could be fatal, for me and the baby... So God planned for me to have a baby girl, my second child, that January right before summer, when I would be diagnosed.

-I was told that the only way I'd be able to take my kids to Disneyland was in a wheelchair with a portable oxygen tank, I am now completely OFF oxygen. Two large Oxygen Tanks lived in my house & got refilled by a company every single month.

They're all gone, too.

-I've had four Cardiac Catheterizations and God provided me with friends who brought meals to my home every single night, for weeks after surgery.

-I use to live in Houston Texas where the humidity is very high. If I would have stayed there, I probably wouldn't be alive today living with Pulmonary Hypertension. The Lord provided a reason for us to move just TEN MONTHS before my diagnosis.

So no matter what I have been faced with, GOD HAS PROVIDED. HE HAS literally CUSHIONED MY WALK, every step of the way. Every obstacle has been overtaken by His hand.

Then a few days ago, God also reminded me of ME, before the sickness.

And where MY priorities were, back then.

This is the way I use to think...

God, I'm good. I'm a good person.

I never cuss.

I love my husband. Never been unfaithful.

Hey, I tithe.

I donate to charities.

I'm good with people, I don't discriminate.

Hey I even have a good credit score! I pay my bills on time.

I keep my house clean.

I go to church every Sunday.

And the 'good list' of ME went on and on...

But this is what I have learned...

That the "I" needed to die. I was so focused on being 'good', that I elevated MY life to be MY success. I was proud of myself. I could do it all.

I could, I want, I've done...

~ Matthew 10:39

"If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it."

I loved my life more than I loved Him. My priorities were on ME, in this earth.

Not on Him.

"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and He will give everything you need."

That's Luke 12:31

So I decided to change. Almost four years ago. I set out on a challenge to grow in my Faith. To believe in Him. To seek only Him and HIS will...

I made Him the priority. And you know what? The happiness that I had. I realized was just passing by. There was nothing to it. Nothing deep. Nothing Meaningful. But the JOY that I've gained through seeking Him first, is for eternity.

So wherever you might be. No matter your struggles. Whatever monster you're dealing with. Or trial or obstacle. He wants to be right there with you. Ask him in. Put your face down on the ground and humble yourself. Admit that you cannot do it alone. Remove that pride. Remove the I, and HE will provide for you, just like HE's done for me.

~Matthew 23:12 says

"But those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.

He will lift you up. He lifted me up. Forget about the successes that this world has to offer. Remove those fake veneers and Put Him first!

I want you to know that the thing that i was challenged with the most, was humbling myself. Because i thought i was all good. I wasn't. So, Humble yourselves everyday and show him that it's about what He wants to do with your life, not about what you want to do with your life. Give Him all your possessions and most importantly be willing to let go of your own life. Once you do that it's all JOY from there. Real, true, PURE, JOY.

Yes, you'll go through trials but James One tells us to "consider it an opportunity for great joy when struggles come your way, ". I have gotten so much from these struggles and I thank him for the opportunity to have met HIM in this way. In such a PURE and PERSONAL way. I know that no matter what happens I will be okay. And you should know that too.

Love you guys!

You can also watch it on www.vimeo.com enter 'Moment Church Desert Bread' in the Search Bar.

-Life As Lizzy

This Morning...

This morning I breathed in the cool breeze of fall. Still dark outside, the quietness of the street greeted me with freedom. A sense lacking claustrophobia, the openness of the sky, twinkling lights above. Stars. Huge and awesome, up there, were put in the expansion of the Solar System, in a neighborhood of nothing, offering little answers, and still filled with hopeful planets. You put them there so that I may wonder, look, take in the awesome and unexplainable of what You are. You said to him, 'I will make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky' (Genesis 26:4). Oh, how lovely that You made it all just to be able to bring us an understanding of all that You do in our lives. A simple comparison of what we might be capable of, to a massive something of the unknown. Stars.

Leaving for work this morning. Who would have thought that walking outside of my front door would bring such deep thoughts to mind? This is how He works. He brings such meaning to the ordinary. To the routine mundane that is already so known, and still overlooked. To a few steps, ten feet to my car. Lugging two bags. One with the breathing treatment I must precept all day long, the other, my book bag that has become so important in my life. Carrying my Bible, journal and two more books. Filled with enriching words to help me grow internally so that I may express externally. Why does walking out to my car at four in the morning catalyst such thoughts? If it were me four years ago, I'd be hurrying. I would not have stopped to 'take in' the cool breeze. I would not have looked up to the sky, to fill my lungs with the awesomeness He is. I would have been grossly irritated with the two heavy bags, maybe it might of been just one bag. Not the book bag. Just the one with the treatment box. Maybe feelings of disgust would have overwhelmed me with anger at the thought of carrying such an item. Something to remind me of the sickness I'm plagued with. Maybe my thoughts would have been concentrated on the selfishness of ME. I'm tired. I'm sleepy. I want to jump back into bed and not have to work. I'm disabled... but I need to do this, or that. What is the purpose of my life. I'm miserable.

Oh, how I've grown. The happiness I thought I wanted turned into JOY. Joy, a goal in my being from the moment I began life. Something that kept pushing forward, don't give up. A simple yet grueling task to achieve but a feeling? But, I've learned that happiness is nothing but a FEELING, a temporary one at best. But JOY, joy is an internal life-giving organ. Something that breathes, and lives within me, nourished by my beating heart and soul. My body a temple, a home, to a God that provides constant nourishment of JOY. How could I have lived without this?

So, a simple walk outside, in the cold, transformed the rest of my day into thankfulness. For the small, and the big. The less-important to the most important. You.

You will show me the way of life,

granting me the joy of your presence

and the pleasures of living with you forever.

~Psalm 16:11

Life As Lizzy

Shalom!

October 2011, hmm, there was a point in my life, not too long ago, where I didn't think I'd be here for this date. The 3rd year anniversary of being diagnosed with Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension. Wow, so much has happened. I feel like a new woman!

Remember I cried about being scared that I might not get to see L
wearing a little back pack and heading out for school?

Here she is with her little back pack. First day of Pre School...

Remember when I cried out to God begging Him to let me see my son go to Kindergarten?

This one really makes me laugh because Lord knows I NEVER saw myself doing this...

Here is a picture of him while we home school...

Welcome to Kindergarten J!!!



...Remember that pity party I threw because I thought I wouldn't get to see L wearing a Ballerina Tutu for Dance Class?

Here she is in this year's first Dance Recital...

I cried the whole five minutes that her little dance routine lasted!

Last year, I avoided Beach outings. Even though it's a favorite on my summer-to-do-list. Especially with the kids. It was just too hard for me to carry everything over the sand. Not to mention to keep my two little ones by my side. I ran out of breath so quick, I just couldn't do it.

Here's a picture of one of our many beach outings...

Then the Lord told me...


"But if you remain in Me and My Words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted!" ~John 15:7

This year I went in for another dreaded Cardiac Catheterization. I was not looking forward to it but it had to be done. I have also been referred to a Pulmonary Specialist in Hollywood because my doctor wants feedback on my progress. Huh? I think that I'm doing so well, he doesn't know what to think. Haha! So I literally have a 'team' of doctors I see on a regular basis, not because I'm so sick I need more expertise, but because I'm so well that they need to understand.

The catheterization went as smooth as a baby's bottom...

I was so nervous, knowing what to expect, that previous 'heart-attack-on-the-O.R.-table-feeling' was NOT fun.

As I walked into the Cardiology Department to check in, my heart began to sink into my stomach. I let the lady know I was checking in for a Cath. Ugh! I felt so small, all over again. The thirty-three years of life I've had felt like it had only been ten, the belittlement of having to offer up my life with palms up to some strange surgeons and nurses seemed childlike. "I'm an adult", I thought. "I have a life. Friends, work, family, kids for goodness sakes! I don't want to wear that demeaning hospital gown!"

The nerves had set in. I hardly even listened to her response while checking in. "I'm going to be butt-naked in the O.R." was my thought. Forgotten were the mass of people that I knew were praying for me, fervently praying for peace. Peace? This is NOT peaceful, at all. Nothing about preparing to be naked in an Operating Room, poked into with a scalpel, groin area prepped, hospital gown, IV's, bedpans?, was peaceful. But here I was, all one-hundred and twenty-something pounds of me (you need not know the specifics here), to give up the only thing I actually have control over to these... people. Really, Lord? Humiliating.

A nurse steps into my tunnel vision view and she is smaller than small, Asian, pretty gal but my quick judgmental mind began its frugal task of over-analyzing her. On my minds' richter scale my nerves have sky-rocketed and physically landed in the pit of my innards. Please don't take my blood pressure right now because you will probably fall flat on your back once you see the numbers.

"Hello, Miss B.", perky little smile she has. "Lets get your weight. Stand here on the scale." Yes, I know this robotic routine, I have it down. "My name is Shalom, How are you today?"

Wait, wha? Shalom? I do a double take on her badge. 'S H A L O M' it reads. Peace in Hebrew. Right then, I feel the warm embrace of the familiar One. The One that has never left me. The One that was there during my desperate cries, during all my pity parties, while I 'took in' special moments of thanksgiving that most people might not even recognize in their lives. Peace felt like a flood of refreshing water engulfing me from head to toe. Peace came and suddenly those pesky nerves were miles away from me. I felt like I was physically glowing, radiating this awesome, majestic word called peace. My smile returned to me. That smile that has for years been my own. The one that makes people feel comforted and understood. I was smiling back at my Father because, this body? This body that I have control over? The one thing that I refuse to lose control over? It's not mine. It's His. Every ounce of it, yes, even these darned lungs that are giving me such trouble. They are His. He put them there, like this, made them just for me. Because He knew, before I even existed what He would accomplish through them. He was letting me feel peace and sent me this simple giddy nurse to tell me that. How sweet He is.

From then on, everything was peaceful. Two weeks later, I met with my pulmonary specialist and even his response was peaceful. "It is amazing to see how well you're doing. This is not my personal medication of choice. Most people that are on this medication are really sick. You, on the other hand, are doing great. Your heart output is great! The numbers are good and I don't see a need to add any other medications to your therapy. It's interesting to see how much you're doing in your daily life with work, household, kids, home schooling, and still you're feeling so well."

But I know,

I'm not interested.

I'm in awe.


In awe of all the things He has accomplished with this little ole me person. I really am favored by the One true God. He really is as close as I think. So close that His embrace is constantly felt. I am not alone. I pray that you too, will feel His embrace. I pray that you will give up your body, your children, your career, your friends, your life and let Him be in control. There is no greater fear, I know, than to let it all go, with palms up, to surrender. But I also know that there is no greater feeling of love, than to feel the peace of His majestic embrace.

Shalom!

Life As Lizzy.

Removing The Fake Out of Me

Yesterday we celebrated my husband's birthday and in all the joyous celebrating, I had completely forgotten about the email I had sent long ago. After being diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension, and being told that my life might be over in two years, I went into panic mode. So I found an email service online that allows you to send someone an email into the future by choosing a specific date for it to be delivered. Well, thinking I wouldn't be here, I wrote out a long email and had it delivered to Hector on his 2011 June birthday. It was sad. I talked about things I hoped for him, to be happy, to find someone else, blah, blah, blah. Just like the movies.

He came to me yesterday, and asked what that was all about.

"And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” ~Matthew 14:31

It is amazing for me to see the transformation that this disease has had on me. I am truly a different person. What I thought was good, was not. What I thought was confidence, was fear. What I thought were good goals, was simply pride in my heart. Whom I thought were friends, were passersby. What I thought was success, was money in a sack full of holes. I was so wrong, so lost and had so little.

This disease really took the fake out of me. Like I have said before, my smiles are purposeful. My walk is intentional, my goals are driven, my speech is growing and my life is worth it. I have realized what is truly important in my life. I don't need to impress anyone, people don't need to like me -But they do. The funny thing is, that now that I am not out to impress anyone, people like me more than ever! Those fiery trials have really put my faith on test. The fakeness has gone and the realness has come. I have been refined, molded, stretched, grown. Oh, I realize now how much time was waisted!!! I could kick myself for not living fully before! I have challenged myself to be a more productive person. I have analyzed where my priorities lie. And you know, they lie in loving

others.

²⁹ Jesus replied, “The most important commandment is this: ‘Listen, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord. ³⁰And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’^{[a] 31} The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^[b] No other commandment is greater than these.” ~Mark 12:29-31

Now, all I want to accomplish is a legacy of love. I want those around me to know what it's like to be loved. I want them to see the love of Christ in me. I want people to know that they're not alone. Friends, people, clicks, school, degrees, fashion, cars, houses, clubs, even spouses,

COME AND GO.

"Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." ~Job 1: 21 NKJV

Nothing is forever. What truly matters, is your forever. Where are YOU? I urge you to seek out the One true Love, the One truth that only God can bring. I have developed such an intimate relationship with God. It's all about me and Him now. My loyalty does not lie with people of this world. My loyalty lies only with God.

And now, as I sit here, I realize that God is a God of promises. Now that I have stepped out of the prideful 'it's all about me' kinda-life, and stepped into a 'it's all about YOU God' kinda-life, I am healthier than ever before. It is a true miracle. He has cushioned my walk. Every scary hospitalization I've gone through has been accompanied by a beautiful shelter of peace. He has made things so easy for me. Expensive meds? He gave me benefits. You'll need Oxygen tubes on you 24/7? Last year the Oxygen company came and picked up their tanks, I am off O2 completely. Can't do cleaning? He provided. Can't work? He gave me strength. Can't walk long distances? He gave me a Handi-Cap Placard. Can't take your kids to Disneyland because you'll need a wheelchair? I have an annual pass, take them all the time and walk the entire park.

Need bloodwork every month? I have a lab less than one mile from me, no wait times. Can't cook dinner after a Right Heart Catheterization procedure? He provided women from church, friends, to bring me meals everyday for three weeks. Flat iron too heavy to style your hair? He provided a light-weight flat iron. Meds not working? He provided a NEW medication that has completely taken away ALL Pulmonary Hypertension symptoms. I have overcome all odds. I am not another statistic. I am thriving like never before.

What more do you need to know? God is faithful.

Life as Lizzy.

A picture of me and the kids at one of our many Disneyland days.

Tail between my Legs

“What sorrow awaits my rebellious children,”
says the Lord.
“You make plans that are contrary to mine.
You make alliances not directed by my Spirit,
thus piling up your sins.

all who trust in him will be ashamed.
He will not help you.
Instead, he will disgrace you.”

Isaiah 30:1,5

Been there, done that. Trusting in man, rather than trusting (and surrendering to) ONLY God. Friends, there is no one else that deserves your complete trust other than God himself. Today as I read my devotional [Beth Moore, Looking UP], she highlighted these verses in the book of Isaiah. The words resounded in my mind, a 'I told you so' from God came through my reading. There was a time in my life where I didn't know how to consult God for my pending plans. The results were usually disastrous. It was the blind leading the blind.

Honestly though, I didn't see that they were disastrous until I starting researching God, learning the truth, I realized I had been wrong. I was just like the Israelites in the book of Isaiah, that trusted in Egypt (who had once held them as slaves), they turned their faces from the one true God that had delivered them. They decided that their 'idea' was better than God's. How many times did I put my trust in man, rather than come to God for advice through prayer. I don't want to 'make plans that are contrary' to His because I know that all they lead to are piles and piles of mistakes in my life. I trusted in man more than in God, and all it lead to was me learning the hard way that I would eventually come running back to God, with my tail between my legs, ashamed and disgraced.

When the bad seems bad, it's really for the good.

Psalm 121

I look up to the mountains-

does my help come from there?

2 My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth!

3 He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber.

4 Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps.

5 The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.

6 The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night.

7 The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life.

8 The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever.

No matter how bad we think things are, there is always hope. Sometimes we might be caught up in a pit of frustration and think there is no way out. But God ALWAYS sends hope. As in the story of Joseph, he was dropped into a pit by his own brothers, left to starve and die a slow ugly death. All because of envy. You might think there is no hope after this, right? Who's gonna save him now? Nobody can hear him scream or cry for help. The only ones that hear his desperate cries are his accusers. But God has a better plan. He sent some unexpected travelers on their way to Egypt to 'rescue' him. Really all he saw at the time was that now he wasn't gonna starve to death, he would be sold into slavery, by his own brothers too! You tell me, does THAT sound any better? But the Lord had a plan for him, as He does for you and me. His future would hold a miserable life in slavery. Sometimes God uses what we think is horrible and miserable and turns it into good. Years passed, and Joseph became one of the highest and most pronounced people in Egypt, holding a very prominent position next to the Pharaoh. Years too, might also pass before you are able to see how God will work into good what you're currently going through. Don't worry, no matter how horrible your life might seem right now, look to God. He has a plan for YOU! Stay strong and seek HIM with all you've got, He WILL deliver you.

To me, and others, a disease like mine seems like one of the most horrible things to go through. Almost three years have passed since being diagnosed and I still get little hints from God every now and then letting me know He is at work. I know He will deliver me. This horrible time in my life, really isn't horrible at all. In light of what God will do with it, I see it as nothing but a HUGE blessing. After all, its brought me so much good. Many good people now surround me and my life's experiences have blossomed like never before.

Life as Lizzy.

Disneyland Encounter

Today my husband surprised the kids and I with a quick trip to Disneyland! Yay! I can hear my kids saying, "Yay, Disneelant!!". Their quick jump for joy and over-achieving smiles are like a bed of roses, soft and comforting with a hint of beautiful aromas tickling my nose unto a grateful smile to my Lord. After all, He has made it all possible. I remember the few occasions when my parents took us to Disneyland as kids. Usually as a birthday outing. We'd share a churro between the four of us. Lunch? Consisted of ham and cheese sandwiches with soggy white wonder bread, packed away in my mom's over-crowded purse. Ahhh, those were the days! I appreciated it so much though. And now, here I am, with year passes for my kids and I. We're able to visit Disneyland whenever and how many times a year we want. Plus, we get to eat a FULL meal at the park restaurants AND buy souvenirs!!! Now that is awesome. Yes, people I live vicariously through my kids! But please don't get me wrong, I am NOT one to spoil them. H and I definitely are making it a strong point to teach them to be grateful for every single thing, in this case their toys or Disneyland park visits, that we're able to give them. Granted, they're only 3 and 5 years old. They know that we do not reward bad behavior and most certainly there are consequences for it.

Okay, back to my Disneyland trip today. As we were walking into The Disney Californian Hotel on our way to our favorite restaurant, we bumped into my Pulmonologist. It was certainly a nice surprise to see him there with his wife and three triplet girls. -I've been thinking about his courteous demeanor ever since.

I am so grateful to my Lord for taking such good care of me. He put this wonderful doctor at my disposal. You'll understand why I am so appreciative of this doctor once you learn that he has jumped through so many hoops to get me the exceptional care and medicine I have the pleasure to receive every month. There are many things to list but for the sake of privacy, I will only say, it's A LOT. More than I would've ever imagined.

"God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine,

according to his power that is at work within us."

~Ephesians 3:20

Last December, we had H's cousin and his wife and daughters stay with us from Mexico. Gosh, I gotta say what a blessing it was to have them here for a week. Their honest and humble spirit was just the refresher we needed at that particular time in our lives. At one instance, she asked me about the disease and I went on and on about the struggles I am faced with...calling it, as I had become accustomed to describe as 'my disease'. The last night, we prayed in front of a beautiful fire in our living room. The presence of the Holy Spirit was definitely in the room that night and that is when she brought word to me. I was told by the Holy Spirit that I needed to stop calling it MY disease. I needed to rebuke it every time it came up in conversation and declare life to my being. My life was not in ownership of this disease or vise versa, God was the only owner of my life and with Him as the owner, I can to declare my life a glory to His name and a living sacrifice for Christ.

I know that the Lord is going to use this struggle in my life for so much good. God has entrusted suffering to me because there is much good that He will bring out of this. I love Him so much and yearn for Him everyday. My spiritual hunger is growing and with it, knowledge and growth is what my spirit is slowly and patiently receiving.

"We know that all things work together for good to those who love God,

to those who are called according to His purpose."

~Romans 8:28 NKJV

Life as Lizzy

:)

Message of hope...literally.

I remember the day that I went for an evaluation at the Oxygen company. I was sitting at a table along with another patient. We were both being evaluated to see how much oxygen we needed and what type of tanks would be best for our care. That was the day the devil laughed at me. I will never forget the frail blue-ish face of the other patient, an old man who looked like he was in his 70's and had probably smoked all his life. My heart sank when the therapist confirmed that my oxygen saturation was in fact worse than this man's. He only needed the small 'back-pack' tank. I, on the other hand, was going to need liquid oxygen because my sats were so low. I felt so bad and cried my whole drive home. I didn't want to talk to anybody but the situation I was in was so depressing and horrifying. I couldn't believe I was in worse shape than that old man. I could almost see the devils' face laughing at me, mocking me for living such a straight life.

I have to admit, I cried this morning in the shower thinking that I might not be here to see my little boy go to Kindergarten next year. I kept trying to visualize my little girl carrying a back-pack on her way to school and I couldn't visualize it. It broke my heart. While I was showering somebody left a message on my home phone...

It was the nurse who had just evaluated my need for oxygen a few days prior. I had to take this little machine home and tape an Oxygen Sensor to my finger overnight to monitor how low my oxygen saturation might go down. She said in the message, "Elizabeth, after speaking to your doctor and evaluating the results of your sleep test, we have decided to discontinue your oxygen therapy. You are doing EXCELLENT!!! They will soon contact you to pick up all the tanks and equipment that you don't need anymore."

Words cannot describe how happy I was! I had just finished crying my eyes out to God. Asking Him the 'why' question and going into a depressing pitty party for myself. I looked in the mirror, eyes red and swollen and smiled at my God. I felt His warm embrace as he confirmed that He is there, taking care of me. My future is still unknown, but that's okay. He continues to send me messages of hope, like todays message on my answering machine. I'm not going to delete that one. I'm going to remind myself to listen to it everytime I am feeling down.

Life as Lizzy.

Potty Training

Potty Training is definitely hard as it is when you're 'healthy', but for me it has definitely been very interesting to say the least. I find myself laughing at the simple tasks associated with basic potty training skills that I obviously lack. haha! Read on...

My little L is 2 1/2 years old and had started stripping her diapers off whenever she was 'wet'. So I decided maybe it was time to start potty training. She is at the point where she wears an underwear all day long and pees in the potty all the time. I should be ecstatic, right? Wrong. Here comes my dilemma...I am finding myself getting tired and out of breath every time she pees in the potty because this means I am up and down the stairs, running back and forth, and bending down and up more than usual. Hence, we only have one little potty upstairs because I haven't got the chance to buy a second one and she doesn't like the little toilet seat I had originally bought for our small downstairs bathroom.

Sad visual: picture me practically crawling up the stairs slowly, yet swiftly, breathing in as much air as I possibly can seeing a light at the of the tunnel as I reach the last step on the second floor. :(

Happy visual: She waves bye-bye to the draining urine and says, 'Bye-bye pipi!' as she empties the basin into the 'big' toilet then flushes it. :)

Laughing visual: If I don't get there in time, she'll splash her urine all over the floor as she attempts to carry the basin from her little potty to the big potty.

Finally, we've pardoned her on the basis of innocent age for the fact that she has no concept of being financially frugal as her parents are with even the most minuscule toiletries like toilet paper -thanks Dave Ramsey. I find myself thinking out loud asking sarcastically, 'Do you think the toilet paper grows on trees?' (actually it kinda does, lol). I have found several trails of TP slithered across the entire bathroom as if it were a white laboring anaconda helplessly searching for a resting place.

Should I laugh or cry?

:) Life as Lizzy.

My Heart Catheterization

I know I haven't written on my blog in a while, I'm sorry!!

About a month ago I underwent my second Right Heart Catheterization. Although for some it might be a minor out-patient procedure, to me it was none-the-less, well, a little intimidating. I am ashamed to admit it. I have such a strong faith in my God but still going into that O.R. intimidated me. You think I should feel totally comfortable in the O.R., seeing as I work there; but being on that operating table was scary.

I was given a little cocktail, as they call it, through my I.V. but for the most part, I was awake during my procedure and felt a lot of poking and prodding. I will never forget it. At one point I felt I was dying! My heart felt as if it was skipping several beats, then all of a sudden, I remember everything starting to go black. My finger tips began to get cold and numb and I couldn't help but cry. Still, I wasn't afraid, I kept thinking of all the people out there praying for me. Their faces ran through my mind as if a slide show. I could see them smiling at me and so I thought of their prayers. I felt their embrace as I imagined them with their heads bowed praying out to the Lord for me. Wow! Those are true friends!! Then, before I knew it, I'd doze off into sleep.

Suddenly, the procedure was over. I felt one nurse come over and wipe the tears from my face. I think I actually smiled at her with my eyes closed. Funny.

God gave me such an intense spirit of peace and I knew I was fine. My Lord had taken care of me, as always. He heard all the prayers that had been lifted up for me.

The very next day, I started getting meals delivered to my home. Everyday for two weeks! I couldn't believe it!! The ladies at my mom2mom group had all assigned themselves to deliver meals to my home. Two of my friends, even took my 4 year old out for play dates. I have never experienced such love before. I got to witness people truly being the hands and feet of Jesus. This is what has made my love for God even stronger. Seeing, regular ordinary girls, just like me, going out of their way to comfort me; to support me and to show me love. My Lord has delivered such an amazing family to me. And I can't help but praise Him. I yearn to do His will even more now. If it wasn't for this illness, I probably would have never made such good friends. And although my sickness can be scary, I realize that this illness has brought such joy to my life through different people and experiences, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I know His will is being done in my life. Life as Lizzy.

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." ~James 1:2-4

His Unfailing Love

"Don't tear your clothing in your grief,

but tear your hearts instead.

Return to the Lord your God, for he is merciful and compassionate,

slow to anger and filled with unfailing love.

He is eager to relent and not punish."

~Joel 2:13

Instead of getting angry at trials and burdens let us remember that our Lord is filled with unfailing love, let us repent and search our own hearts and trust that He is eager not to punish us.

The Lord says, "Turn to me now, while there is time. Give me your hearts" (verse 12). I believe that when the trials come, no matter how terrible, we should come to Christ and show him even our hearts' evil ways, transparent in repentance. Clean out your heart and turn your back to sin, go to Him and he will forgive.

"Pursue righteousness and a godly life, along with

faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness." ~1Timothy 6:11

The Lord has been impressing in my heart to seek His ways more and more. Everyday I am reminded to live a godly life; to pursue righteousness, to have faith in Him and in His decisions for my life; to love with His love and look into people's eyes with loving eyes. To persevere in searching for His will in my daily tasks. To be more gentle, especially with my children.

I pray that He will increase my hunger for Him even more. And no matter how many things I must go through, I will remind myself of Job, and his response when he had lost everything...

"I came naked from my mother's womb,

and I will be naked when I leave.

The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away.

Praise the name of the Lord!" ~Job 1:21

And even after he was struck with an illness, even the devil thought he'd curse the name of the Lord. Yes, he went through his struggling mind as he felt the pain of sickness but I grab on to the promise of God where he was told the following:

“But look, God will not reject a person of integrity,

nor will he lend a hand to the wicked.

He will once again fill your mouth with laughter

and your lips with shouts of joy.

~Job 8:21-21

God restored Job and his health and family more than ever before...

"Job lived 140 years after that, living to see four generations

of his children and grandchildren. ¹⁷

Then he died, an old man who had lived a long, full life."

~Job 42:16