Life As Lizzy

This Morning...

2011-11-07T17:53:00.000-08:00

This morning I breathed in the cool breeze of fall. Still dark outside, the quietness of the street greeted me with freedom. A sense lacking claustrophobia, the openness of the sky, twinkling lights above. Stars. Huge and awesome, up there, were put in the expansion of the Solar System, in a neighborhood of nothing, offering little answers, and still filled with hopeful planets. You put them there so that I may wonder, look, take in the awesome and unexplainable of what You are. You said to him, 'I will make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky' (Genesis 26:4). Oh, how lovely that You made it all just to be able to bring us an understanding of all that You do in our lives. A simple comparison of what we might be capable of, to a massive something of the unknown. Stars.

Leaving for work this morning. Who would have thought that walking outside of my front door would bring such deep thoughts to mind? This is how He works. He brings such meaning to the ordinary. To the routine mundane that is already so known, and still overlooked. To a few steps, ten feet to my car. Lugging two bags. One with the breathing treatment I must precept all day long, the other, my book bag that has become so important in my life. Carrying my Bible, journal and two more books. Filled with enriching words to help me grow internally so that I may express externally. Why does walking out to my car at four in the morning catalyst such thoughts? If it were me four years ago, I'd be hurrying. I would not have stopped to 'take in' the cool breeze. I would not have looked up to the sky, to fill my lungs with the awesomeness He is. I would have been grossly irritated with the two heavy bags, maybe it might of been just one bag. Not the book bag. Just the one with the treatment box. Maybe feelings of disgust would have overwhelmed me with anger at the thought of carrying such an item. Something to remind me of the sickness I'm plagued with. Maybe my thoughts would have been concentrated on the selfishness of ME. I'm tired. I'm sleepy. I want to jump back into bed and not have to work. I'm disabled... but I need to do this, or that. What is the purpose of my life. I'm miserable.

Oh, how I've grown. The happiness I thought I wanted turned into JOY. Joy, a goal in my being from the moment I began life. Something that kept pushing forward, don't give up. A simple yet grueling task to achieve but a feeling? But, I've learned that happiness is nothing but a FEELING, a temporary one at best. But JOY, joy is an internal life-giving organ. Something that breathes, and lives within me, nourished by my beating heart and soul. My body a temple, a home, to a God that provides constant nourishment of JOY. How could I have lived without this?

So, a simple walk outside, in the cold, transformed the rest of my day into thankfulness. For the small, and the big. The less-important to the most important. You.

You will show me the way of life,

granting me the joy of your presence
and the pleasures of living with you forever.
~Psalm 16:11

Life As Lizzy

Shalom!

2011-10-09T11:59:00.000-07:00

October 2011, hmm, there was a point in my life, not too long ago, where I didn't think I'd be here for this date. The 3rd year anniversary of being diagnosed with Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension. Wow, so much has happened. I feel like a new woman!

Remember I cried about being scared that I might not get to see L
wearing a little back pack and heading out for school?

Here she is with her little back pack. First day of Pre School...

Remember when I cried out to God begging Him to let me see my son go to Kindergarten?

This one really makes me laugh because Lord knows I NEVER saw myself doing this...

Here is a picture of him while we home school...

Welcome to Kindergarten J!!!

...Remember that pity party I threw because I thought I wouldn't get to see L wearing a Ballerina Tutu for Dance Class?

Here she is in this year's first Dance Recital...

I cried the whole five minutes that her little dance routine lasted!

Last year, I avoided Beach outings. Even though it's a favorite on my summer-to-do-list. Especially with the kids. It was just too hard for me to carry everything over the sand. Not to mention to keep my two little ones by my side. I ran out of breath so quick, I just couldn't do it.

Here's a picture of one of our many beach outings...

Then the Lord told me...

"But if you remain in Me and My Words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted!" ~John 15:7

This year I went in for another dreaded Cardiac Catheterization. I was not looking forward to it but it had to be done. I have also been referred to a Pulmonary Specialist in Hollywood because my doctor wants feedback on my progress. Huh? I think that I'm doing so well, he doesn't know what to think. Haha! So I literally have a 'team' of doctors I see on a regular basis, not because I'm so sick I need more expertise, but because I'm so well that they need to understand.

The catheterization went as smooth as a baby's bottom...

I was so nervous, knowing what to expect, that previous 'heart-attack-on-the-O.R.-table-feeling' was NOT fun.

As I walked into the Cardiology Department to check in, my heart began to sink into my stomach. I let the lady know I was checking in for a Cath. Ugh! I felt so small, all over again. The thirty-three years of life I've had felt like it had only been ten, the belittlement of having to offer up my life with palms up to some strange surgeons and nurses seemed childlike. "I'm an adult", I thought. "I have a life. Friends, work, family, kids for goodness sakes! I don't want to wear that demeaning hospital gown!"

The nerves had set in. I hardly even listened to her response while checking in. "I'm going to be butt-naked in the O.R." was my thought. Forgotten were the mass of people that I knew were praying for me, fervently praying for peace. Peace? This is NOT peaceful, at all. Nothing about preparing to be naked in an Operating Room, poked into with a scalpel, groin area prepped, hospital gown, IV's, bedpans?, was peaceful. But here I was, all one-hundred and twenty-something pounds of me (you need not know the specifics here), to give up the only thing I actually have control over to these... people. Really, Lord? Humiliating.

A nurse steps into my tunnel vision view and she is smaller than small, Asian, pretty gal but my quick judgmental mind began its frugal task of over-analyzing her. On my minds' richter scale my nerves have sky-rocketed and physically landed in the pit of my innards. Please don't take my blood pressure right now because you will probably fall flat on your back once you see the numbers.

"Hello, Miss B.", perky little smile she has. "Lets get your weight. Stand here on the scale." Yes, I know this robotic routine, I have it down. "My name is Shalom, How are you today?"

Wait, wha? Shalom? I do a double take on her badge. 'S H A L O M' it reads. Peace in Hebrew. Right then, I feel the warm embrace of the familiar One. The One that has never left me. The One that was there during my desperate cries, during all my pity parties, while I 'took in' special moments of thanksgiving that most people might not even recognize in their lives. Peace felt like a flood of refreshing water engulfing me from head to toe. Peace came and suddenly those pesky nerves were miles away from me. I felt like I was physically glowing, radiating this awesome, majestic word called peace. My smile returned to me. That smile that has for years been my own. The one that makes people feel comforted and understood. I was smiling back at my Father because, this body? This body that I have control over? The one thing that I refuse to lose control over? It's not mine. It's His. Every ounce of it, yes, even these darned lungs that are giving me such trouble. They are His. He put them there, like this, made them just for me. Because He knew, before I even existed what He would accomplish through them. He was letting me feel peace and sent me this simple giddy nurse to tell me that. How sweet He is.

From then on, everything was peaceful. Two weeks later, I met with my pulmonary specialist and even his response was peaceful. "It is amazing to see how well you're doing. This is not my personal medication of choice. Most people that are on this medication are really sick. You, on the other hand, are doing great. Your heart output is great! The numbers are good and I don't see a need to add any other medications to your therapy. It's interesting to see how much you're doing in your daily life with work, household, kids, home schooling, and still you're feeling so well."

But I know,

I'm not interested.

I'm in awe.

In awe of all the things He has accomplished with this little ole me person. I really am favored by the One true God. He really is as close as I think. So close that His embrace is constantly felt. I am not alone. I pray that you too, will feel His embrace. I pray that you will give up your body, your children, your career, your friends, your life and let Him be in control. There is no greater fear, I know, than to let it all go, with palms up, to surrender. But I also know that there is no greater feeling of love, than to feel the peace of His majestic embrace.

Shalom!

Life As Lizzy.

Removing The Fake Out of Me

2011-06-13T09:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we celebrated my husband's birthday and in all the joyous celebrating, I had completely forgotten about the email I had sent long ago. After being diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension, and being told that my life might be over in two years, I went into panic mode. So I found an email service online that allows you to send someone an email into the future by choosing a specific date for it to be delivered. Well, thinking I wouldn't be here, I wrote out a long email and had it delivered to Hector on his 2011 June birthday. It was sad. I talked about things I hoped for him, to be happy, to find someone else, blah, blah, blah. Just like the movies.

He came to me yesterday, and asked what that was all about.

"And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” ~Matthew 14:31

It is amazing for me to see the transformation that this disease has had on me. I am truly a different person. What I thought was good, was not. What I thought was confidence, was fear. What I thought were good goals, was simply pride in my heart. Whom I thought were friends, were passersby. What I thought was success, was money in a sack full of holes. I was so wrong, so lost and had so little.

This disease really took the fake out of me. Like I have said before, my smiles are purposeful. My walk is intentional, my goals are driven, my speech is growing and my life is worth it. I have realized what is truly important in my life. I don't need to impress anyone, people don't need to like me -But they do. The funny thing is, that now that I am not out to impress anyone, people like me more than ever! Those fiery trials have really put my faith on test. The fakeness has gone and the realness has come. I have been refined, molded, stretched, grown. Oh, I realize now how much time was waisted!!! I could kick myself for not living fully before! I have challenged myself to be a more productive person. I have analyzed where my priorities lie. And you know, they lie in loving

others.

²⁹ Jesus replied, “The most important commandment is this: ‘Listen, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord. ³⁰And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’^[a] ³¹ The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^[b] No other commandment is greater than these.” ~Mark 12:29-31

Now, all I want to accomplish is a legacy of love. I want those around me to know what it's like to be loved. I want them to see the love of Christ in me. I want people to know that they're not alone. Friends, people, clicks, school, degrees, fashion, cars, houses, clubs, even spouses,

COME AND GO.

"Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." ~Job 1: 21 NKJV

Nothing is forever. What truly matters, is your forever. Where are YOU? I urge you to seek out the One true Love, the One truth that only God can bring. I have developed such an intimate relationship with God. It's all about me and Him now. My loyalty does not lie with people of this world. My loyalty lies only with God.

And now, as I sit here, I realize that God is a God of promises. Now that I have stepped out of the prideful 'it's all about me' kinda-life, and stepped into a 'it's all about YOU God' kinda-life, I am healthier than ever before. It is a true miracle. He has cushioned my walk. Every scary hospitalization I've gone through has been accompanied by a beautiful shelter of peace. He has made things so easy for me. Expensive meds? He gave me benefits. You'll need Oxygen tubes on you 24/7? Last year the Oxygen company came and picked up their tanks, I am off O2 completely. Can't do cleaning? He provided. Can't work? He gave me strength. Can't walk long distances? He gave me a Handi-Cap Placard. Can't take your kids to Disneyland because you'll need a wheelchair? I have an annual pass, take them all the time and walk the entire park.

Need bloodwork every month? I have a lab less than one mile from me, no wait times. Can't cook dinner after a Right Heart Catheterization procedure? He provided women from church, friends, to bring me meals everyday for three weeks. Flat iron too heavy to style your hair? He provided a light-weight flat iron. Meds not working? He provided a NEW medication that has completely taken away ALL Pulmonary Hypertension symptoms. I have overcome all odds. I am not another statistic. I am thriving like never before.

What more do you need to know? God is faithful.

Life as Lizzy.

A picture of me and the kids at one of our many Disneyland days.

Tail between my Legs

2011-02-20T08:53:00.000-08:00

“What sorrow awaits my rebellious children,”
says the Lord.
“You make plans that are contrary to mine.
You make alliances not directed by my Spirit,
thus piling up your sins.

all who trust in him will be ashamed.
He will not help you.
Instead, he will disgrace you.”

Isaiah 30:1,5

Been there, done that. Trusting in man, rather than trusting (and surrendering to) ONLY God. Friends, there is no one else that deserves your complete trust other than God himself. Today as I read my devotional [Beth Moore, Looking UP], she highlighted these verses in the book of Isaiah. The words resounded in my mind, a 'I told you so' from God came through my reading. There was a time in my life where I didn't know how to consult God for my pending plans. The results were usually disastrous. It was the blind leading the blind.

Honestly though, I didn't see that they were disastrous until I starting researching God, learning the truth, I realized I had been wrong. I was just like the Israelites in the book of Isaiah, that trusted in Egypt (who had once held them as slaves), they turned their faces from the one true God that had delivered them. They decided that their 'idea' was better than God's. How many times did I put my trust in man, rather than come to God for advice through prayer. I don't want to 'make plans that are contrary' to His because I know that all they lead to are piles and piles of mistakes in my life. I trusted in man more than in God, and all it lead to was me learning the hard way that I would eventually come running back to God, with my tail between my legs, ashamed and disgraced.

When the bad seems bad, it's really for the good.

2011-02-18T11:09:00.000-08:00

Psalm 121

I look up to the mountains-

does my help come from there?

2 My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth!

3 He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber.

4 Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps.

5 The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.

6 The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night.

7 The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life.

8 The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever.

No matter how bad we think things are, there is always hope. Sometimes we might be caught up in a pit of frustration and think there is no way out. But God ALWAYS sends hope. As in the story of Joseph, he was dropped into a pit by his own brothers, left to starve and die a slow ugly death. All because of envy. You might think there is no hope after this, right? Who's gonna save him now? Nobody can hear him scream or cry for help. The only ones that hear his desperate cries are his accusers. But God has a better plan. He sent some unexpected travelers on their way to Egypt to 'rescue' him. Really all he saw at the time was that now he wasn't gonna starve to death, he would be sold into slavery, by his own brothers too! You tell me, does THAT sound any better? But the Lord had a plan for him, as He does for you and me. His future would hold a miserable life in slavery. Sometimes God uses what we think is horrible and miserable and turns it into good. Years passed, and Joseph became one of the highest and most pronounced people in Egypt, holding a very prominent position next to the Pharaoh. Years too, might also pass before you are able to see how God will work into good what you're currently going through. Don't worry, no matter how horrible your life might seem right now, look to God. He has a plan for YOU! Stay strong and seek HIM with all you've got, He WILL deliver you.

To me, and others, a disease like mine seems like one of the most horrible things to go through. Almost three years have passed since being diagnosed and I still get little hints from God every now and then letting me know He is at work. I know He will deliver me. This horrible time in my life, really isn't horrible at all. In light of what God will do with it, I see it as nothing but a HUGE blessing. After all, its brought me so much good. Many good people now surround me and my life's experiences have blossomed like never before.

Life as Lizzy.

Disneyland Encounter

2011-01-30T21:20:00.000-08:00

Today my husband surprised the kids and I with a quick trip to Disneyland! Yay! I can hear my kids saying, "Yay, Disneelant!!". Their quick jump for joy and over-achieving smiles are like a bed of roses, soft and comforting with a hint of beautiful aromas tickling my nose unto a grateful smile to my Lord. After all, He has made it all possible. I remember the few occasions when my parents took us to Disneyland as kids. Usually as a birthday outing. We'd share a churro between the four of us. Lunch? Consisted of ham and cheese sandwiches with soggy white wonder bread, packed away in my mom's over-crowded purse. Ahhh, those were the days! I appreciated it so much though. And now, here I am, with year passes for my kids and I. We're able to visit Disneyland whenever and how many times a year we want. Plus, we get to eat a FULL meal at the park restaurants AND buy souvenirs!!! Now that is awesome. Yes, people I live vicariously through my kids! But please don't get me wrong, I am NOT one to spoil them. H and I definitely are making it a strong point to teach them to be grateful for every single thing, in this case their toys or Disneyland park visits, that we're able to give them. Granted, they're only 3 and 5 years old. They know that we do not reward bad behavior and most certainly there are consequences for it.

Okay, back to my Disneyland trip today. As we were walking into The Disney Californian Hotel on our way to our favorite restaurant, we bumped into my Pulmonologist. It was certainly a nice surprise to see him there with his wife and three triplet girls. -I've been thinking about his courteous demeanor ever since.

I am so grateful to my Lord for taking such good care of me. He put this wonderful doctor at my disposal. You'll understand why I am so appreciative of this doctor once you learn that he has jumped through so many hoops to get me the exceptional care and medicine I have the pleasure to receive every month. There are many things to list but for the sake of privacy, I will only say, it's A LOT. More than I would've ever imagined.

"God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine,

according to his power that is at work within us."

~Ephesians 3:20

Last December, we had H's cousin and his wife and daughters stay with us from Mexico. Gosh, I gotta say what a blessing it was to have them here for a week. Their honest and humble spirit was just the refresher we needed at that particular time in our lives. At one instance, she asked me about the disease and I went on and on about the struggles I am faced with...calling it, as I had become accustomed to describe as 'my disease'. The last night, we prayed in front of a beautiful fire in our living room. The presence of the Holy Spirit was definitely in the room that night and that is when she brought word to me. I was told by the Holy Spirit that I needed to stop calling it MY disease. I needed to rebuke it every time it came up in conversation and declare life to my being. My life was not in ownership of this disease or vise versa, God was the only owner of my life and with Him as the owner, I can to declare my life a glory to His name and a living sacrifice for Christ.

I know that the Lord is going to use this struggle in my life for so much good. God has entrusted suffering to me because there is much good that He will bring out of this. I love Him so much and yearn for Him everyday. My spiritual hunger is growing and with it, knowledge and growth is what my spirit is slowly and patiently receiving.

"We know that all things work together for good to those who love God,

to those who are called according to His purpose."

~Romans 8:28 NKJV

Life as Lizzy

Message of hope...literally.

2010-10-28T16:53:00.000-07:00

I remember the day that I went for an evaluation at the Oxygen company. I was sitting at a table along with another patient. We were both being evaluated to see how much oxygen we needed and what type of tanks would be best for our care. That was the day the devil laughed at me. I will never forget the frail blue-ish face of the other patient, an old man who looked like he was in his 70's and had probably smoked all his life. My heart sank when the therapist confirmed that my oxygen saturation was in fact worse than this man's. He only needed the small 'back-pack' tank. I, on the other hand, was going to need liquid oxygen because my sats were so low. I felt so bad and cried my whole drive home. I didn't want to talk to anybody but the situation I was in was so depressing and horrifying. I couldn't believe I was in worse shape than that old man. I could almost see the devils' face laughing at me, mocking me for living such a straight life.

I have to admit, I cried this morning in the shower thinking that I might not be here to see my little boy go to Kindergarten next year. I kept trying to visualize my little girl carrying a back-pack on her way to school and I couldn't visualize it. It broke my heart. While I was showering somebody left a message on my home phone...

It was the nurse who had just evaluated my need for oxygen a few days prior. I had to take this little machine home and tape an Oxygen Sensor to my finger overnight to monitor how low my oxygen saturation might go down. She said in the message, "Elizabeth, after speaking to your doctor and evaluating the results of your sleep test, we have decided to discontinue your oxygen therapy. You are doing EXCELLENT!!! They will soon contact you to pick up all the tanks and equipment that you don't need anymore."

Words cannot describe how happy I was! I had just finished crying my eyes out to God. Asking Him the 'why' question and going into a depressing pitty party for myself. I looked in the mirror, eyes red and swollen and smiled at my God. I felt His warm embrace as he confirmed that He is there, taking care of me. My future is still unknown, but that's okay. He continues to send me messages of hope, like todays message on my answering machine. I'm not going to delete that one. I'm going to remind myself to listen to it everytime I am feeling down.

Life as Lizzy.

Potty Training

2010-08-02T16:47:00.000-07:00

Potty Training is definitely hard as it is when you're 'healthy', but for me it has definitely been very interesting to say the least. I find myself laughing at the simple tasks associated with basic potty training skills that I obviously lack. haha! Read on...

My little L is 2 1/2 years old and had started stripping her diapers off whenever she was 'wet'. So I decided maybe it was time to start potty training. She is at the point where she wears an underwear all day long and pees in the potty all the time. I should be ecstatic, right? Wrong. Here comes my dilemma...I am finding myself getting tired and out of breath every time she pees in the potty because this means I am up and down the stairs, running back and forth, and bending down and up more than usual. Hence, we only have one little potty upstairs because I haven't got the chance to buy a second one and she doesn't like the little toilet seat I had originally bought for our small downstairs bathroom.

Sad visual: picture me practically crawling up the stairs slowly, yet swiftly, breathing in as much air as I possibly can seeing a light at the of the tunnel as I reach the last step on the second floor. :(

Happy visual: She waves bye-bye to the draining urine and says, 'Bye-bye pipi!' as she empties the basin into the 'big' toilet then flushes it. :)

Laughing visual: If I don't get there in time, she'll splash her urine all over the floor as she attempts to carry the basin from her little potty to the big potty.

Finally, we've pardoned her on the basis of innocent age for the fact that she has no concept of being financially frugal as her parents are with even the most minuscule toiletries like toilet paper -thanks Dave Ramsey. I find myself thinking out loud asking sarcastically, 'Do you think the toilet paper grows on trees?' (actually it kinda does, lol). I have found several trails of TP slithered across the entire bathroom as if it were a white laboring anaconda helplessly searching for a resting place.

Should I laugh or cry?

:) Life as Lizzy.

My Heart Catheterization

2010-07-29T20:10:00.001-07:00

I know I haven't written on my blog in a while, I'm sorry!!

About a month ago I underwent my second Right Heart Catheterization. Although for some it might be a minor out-patient procedure, to me it was none-the-less, well, a little intimidating. I am ashamed to admit it. I have such a strong faith in my God but still going into that O.R. intimidated me. You think I should feel totally comfortable in the O.R., seeing as I work there; but being on that operating table was scary.

I was given a little cocktail, as they call it, through my I.V. but for the most part, I was awake during my procedure and felt a lot of poking and prodding. I will never forget it. At one point I felt I was dying! My heart felt as if it was skipping several beats, then all of a sudden, I remember everything starting to go black. My finger tips began to get cold and numb and I couldn't help but cry. Still, I wasn't afraid, I kept thinking of all the people out there praying for me. Their faces ran through my mind as if a slide show. I could see them smiling at me and so I thought of their prayers. I felt their embrace as I imagined them with their heads bowed praying out to the Lord for me. Wow! Those are true friends!! Then, before I knew it, I'd doze off into sleep.

Suddenly, the procedure was over. I felt one nurse come over and wipe the tears from my face. I think I actually smiled at her with my eyes closed. Funny.

God gave me such an intense spirit of peace and I knew I was fine. My Lord had taken care of me, as always. He heard all the prayers that had been lifted up for me.

The very next day, I started getting meals delivered to my home. Everyday for two weeks! I couldn't believe it!! The ladies at my mom2mom group had all assigned themselves to deliver meals to my home. Two of my friends, even took my 4 year old out for play dates. I have never experienced such love before. I got to witness people truly being the hands and feet of Jesus. This is what has made my love for God even stronger. Seeing, regular ordinary girls, just like me, going out of their way to comfort me; to support me and to show me love. My Lord has delivered such an amazing family to me. And I can't help but praise Him. I yearn to do His will even more now. If it wasn't for this illness, I probably would have never made such good friends. And although my sickness can be scary, I realize that this illness has brought such joy to my life through different people and experiences, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I know His will is being done in my life. Life as Lizzy.

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." ~James 1:2-4

His Unfailing Love

2010-06-25T10:49:00.000-07:00

"Don't tear your clothing in your grief,

but tear your hearts instead.

Return to the Lord your God, for he is merciful and compassionate,

slow to anger and filled with unfailing love.

He is eager to relent and not punish."

~Joel 2:13

Instead of getting angry at trials and burdens let us remember that our Lord is filled with unfailing love, let us repent and search our own hearts and trust that He is eager not to punish us.

The Lord says, "Turn to me now, while there is time. Give me your hearts" (verse 12). I believe that when the trials come, no matter how terrible, we should come to Christ and show him even our hearts' evil ways, transparent in repentance. Clean out your heart and turn your back to sin, go to Him and he will forgive.

"Pursue righteousness and a godly life, along with

faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness." ~1Timothy 6:11

The Lord has been impressing in my heart to seek His ways more and more. Everyday I am reminded to live a godly life; to pursue righteousness, to have faith in Him and in His decisions for my life; to love with His love and look into people's eyes with loving eyes. To persevere in searching for His will in my daily tasks. To be more gentle, especially with my children.

I pray that He will increase my hunger for Him even more. And no matter how many things I must go through, I will remind myself of Job, and his response when he had lost everything...

"I came naked from my mother's womb,

and I will be naked when I leave.

The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away.

Praise the name of the Lord!" ~Job 1:21

And even after he was struck with an illness, even the devil thought he'd curse the name of the Lord. Yes, he went through his struggling mind as he felt the pain of sickness but I grab on to the promise of God where he was told the following:

“But look, God will not reject a person of integrity,

nor will he lend a hand to the wicked.

He will once again fill your mouth with laughter

and your lips with shouts of joy.

~Job 8:21-21

God restored Job and his health and family more than ever before...

"Job lived 140 years after that, living to see four generations

of his children and grandchildren. ¹⁷

Then he died, an old man who had lived a long, full life."

~Job 42:16

"I'm Listening"

2010-03-18T16:20:00.000-07:00

During my quiet time with the Lord today, He brought a revelation to me. Something that I had not thought of for quite some time now. In the midst of my prayers for others, He quieted my soul and shut my mouth. Prayer list in hand, He interrupted my pleading for others' requests and embraced me with love.

Following my Church's Womens Bible Study devotion, I had been reading Romans 8:37-39 and even drew little hearts by the verses in my bible because I loved so dearly what it said...

"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to seperate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

At this moment, as I finished reading the verse and proceeded on drawing my little hearts next to my newly found prized verses, I heard the voice of my son in the back yard. He had been playing with a neighbor who took one of his toys away. J began pleading to the boy to give him his toy back, "...please, my mommy bought it for me. Give it back." I heard the sweetness in his little voice, I heard the cry in his precious little heart and the innocence in his tender mind and right away I thought of my Abba Father. ...Mi papito lindo.

Oh how it broke my heart when I realized that God's heart is broken when He sees his own children hurt, like mine did for my son, be it as small as losing a toy. I thought to myself, "Oh my little son, I wish you didn't hurt, I wish you didn't cry." And suddenly, I saw my Lord, catching every tear I had ever cried. I saw Him embracing me and hugging me when I felt lonely. Then, I heard Him say to me, "I'm listening." -and there it was. I remembered the time I asked loudly and angrily to the Lord, "Why God am I going through this???!!?!? Are you even listening??!?!!"

"I'm listening."

The tears began falling off my face as I marveled at the grace He has for me. How wonderful and sweet the embrace is of a loving Father, who forgives His children. -who forgave me.

"For the mountains shall depart, And the hills be removed,

But My kindness shall not depart from you,

Nor shall My covenant of peace be removed.

Says The Lord who has mercy on you."

Isaiah 54:10

Smile

2010-03-05T11:37:00.001-08:00

"Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart,

All you who hope in the Lord." -Psalm 31:24

These past few days I've encountered surreal moments that have left me with a benevolent thought. The other day I was walking alone on campus at my church. It was a beautiful crisp day. There was a question in my head that kept repeating itself to me... "One word, choose one word to describe your future." I didn't know how to answer at first but have gotten nudges from the Lord telling me what I should answer. My answer? Hope. I have hope.

Footnote:
It's funny that I have these conversations with myself. And even funnier that my brain keeps challenging me with questions that keep me thinking for days on end! But I feel that that is how the Holy Spirit works. This is how He speaks to me and I converse with Him. :)

Back to my post:
He has kept reminding me that I've got hope in Him. I've been reading my Bible so much lately and have consequently self-concluded that the entire Bible is a book of hope. In the past, I fell asleep with the many scenes of my yesteryears or the burdensome forthcomings that my tomorrow might hold. Now I don't think about what was anymore or what is to come. I don't burden my thoughts with a should've, would've, could've mentallity. I fall asleep with a sense of anticipation. One day my Lord will come and take me away to heaven. How precious that is. I have something incredible to look forward to. No more tears, no more pain, the only thing left will be the joy of sharing His presence. Everything that occurs on this Earth is for that purpose, so that we may be able to live forever with Him. I love that song that says, "I can only imagine..." because that is all I can do is imagine what it'll finally be like.

My heart has been strengthened. My hope has increased. My life is lived with an expectation. There's so much to look forward to when He's got the To-Do List of my soul. Because this body is just a body, but my true life is my everlasting soul. The smiles of life that He gives me cause an impression on me so wide and sublime. A simple butterfly fluttering by showing me its' grandure is a smile upon me, from my Lord. I was chosen to be the highlight of that precious little butterfly's 3-day life span. So, while I'm on this little thing called Earth, I will choose to smile back. :)

Iron Chef skit...my testimony

2010-02-08T14:13:00.000-08:00

I was alone, had just accepted the Lord in my life and the depression that had conquered my past life was on the prowl again. I felt like little red robin hood, making my way through the woods of life. Steering clear of the dangerous places but no matter how fast I ran, or where I went, it still managed to pat me on my back. Sadness. Then, I felt the love of God embrace me. I had never felt that before in my times of lonliness and now it was different. HE was there. And I was able to fight off this sneaky perpetrator. I remember writing a poem and asking GOD to use me. Simply that. Just to use me in a way that I'd help to impact people. I have to admit, that for many years after that I never felt useful to HIM. I thought, "Well, Lord...Are you gonna use me or is this Christian thing just so that I can be happy with myself, by myself?"

On Sunday Feb 7th, HE spoke to me. Actually, HE'S been speaking to me for a couple of years or so since my diagnosis. But that particular day HE gave me the response I had been longing for since I was 16 years old. I got to experience the feeling of actually being a part of something that made a difference. I am so thankful to Crossroads Christian Church and Pastors Chuck, Ronny and Tony for doing such an amazing job. What started out as a funny skit, or spoof on Iron Chef ended up being an emotional and loving testimony of my life and what it's like living with Pulmonary Hypertension.

As I stepped forward that sunday onto the stage, a rush of excitement filled my being. The place was packed and with all the bright lights, all I could see were the echoing shadows of people sitting in the audience. I kept thinking of what I was going to say. The spot light would be on me, afront thousands and I couldn't help but tremble at the thought. My mind was slowly going blank and my thoughts began to ramble in my head. As I began to hear Pastor Tony Wood speak about my life, my battle, my husband and kids, I did the only thing I could do, take deep breaths. One breath in and and another out, slowly and hypnotically calming. I wondered if anyone could see me shivering. Slowly I wispered to myself, "Jehova Shalom, Jehova Shalom, Jehova Shalom."

Then something amazing happened...a flashback. H and I had just gotten home from Hollywood. I had had a procedure done, called a Right Ventricle Cardiac Catheterization. They inserted a tiny wire into my groin area that traveled through the inside of my artery, all the way up into the right side of my heart. This would measure the exact pulmonary arterial hypertension. It confirmed my diagnosis. Once home, I was on bed rest. My mom and aunt helped me up the stairs and there in my room was waiting my aid and comrade, my portable oxygen concentrator. It was a noisy thing. So I put on the nasal cannula and breathed in the cleansed air, laying myself down in bed, as if welcoming an imminent death. H walked in and simply gazed at me in bed, seeing the tubes up my nose. He later confessed that at that moment, he saw his life flash before his eyes. 30 years old, he forcefully braced himself on becoming a caretaker of his sick young wife.

The mic was on me now, the spotlight glared and released what seemed like an emotion of triumphant beams. Almost two years hence, I was on bedrest, on Oxygen 24/7, disabled from work...today I was on stage, as healthy as I'd ever been with thousands of people praising my Lord along with me.

My words...

"I am Liz Blanco and that is MY story. Ever since being diagnosed I have realized how important our time here on Earth really is. And I can't tell you what a blessing it's been since giving myself completely to the Lord."

http://www.crossroadschurch.com/sermons/vimeo.asp?embed=clip%5Fid%3D9282094&date=February+07+AM%2C+2009&title=Iron+Chef+Crossroads&speaker=Chuck+Booher

It is by The Lord's stripes, that I am healed. (Isaiah 53:5)

Starbucks!!!

2010-01-19T14:49:00.000-08:00

One of the things that makes me so happy and always, always brings a smile to my face is getting my Short, Non-Fat, No-Whip Mocha from Starbucks in my own cup (I'm saving the world one drink at a time). Oh, and I cannot forget the nice warm Sausage Breakfast Sandwhich that fills my tummy while I drive to work in the mornings to my extant 12 hour shift. You never know if it might be one of those days where you're running back and forth and might not get to befall an appropriate lunch, let alone pee. So a girl's gotta find something to keep a smile on her face other than screaming patients...just kidding, my patients always love me

-I'm serious!

I have to add, everyone in the unit knows my cups. I'm the only one walking into the unit in the morning with red eyes from 3 hours of sleep (I can't make myself go to sleep early on the nights I know I'm working the next day -it's so thrilling), with a cheery 'goodmorning' greeting to everyone I pass in the hospital hallways accompanied by a cute (and fashionable) Starbucks Tumbler. Twice have been the times when I forgot my trophy Tumblers at the unit Lounge then left on vacation. The whole time I'm away, I kept imagining the mold growing on the inside walls of my precious tumbler. That's enough for a nightmare right there, I tell ya!

To my surprise, both times that I came back the first thing I did was desperately look for my tumbler, without letting it on that I'm sooo worried someone might've stolen my Starbucks tumbler!!!!! Agghhhhh!! ...I returned to find the tumblers completely and sympathetically WASHED clean.
:))

I have an angel looking out for my Starbucks tumblers.

Here are some pics of my cute Starbucks tumblers.

Sring time cup...

Just for fun cup...

Valentine's Day cup...

Holiday Cup...

More to follow as they become available.

Post New Year Reflection

2010-01-18T09:59:00.000-08:00

I don't know if it's just the post New Year Blues -in my case, the Post New Year's Reflections- or maybe it's that my little girl turned two years old a couple weeks ago. H and I were reminiscing on how we were living two years ago with a newborn baby girl. I can hardly even believe it. Life was so hard at the time, so many things were going on and stress ruled our inner beings that we could hardly catch our breath. We had just moved back from Texas, were financially struggling, living off of our prior good credit score via our credit cards, had just started a new business, I was gonna start working part time in a new hospital and well, we had a new born baby to keep me and my rambunctious 2 1/2 year old company!!!! Ahhhhhh!!! Least to say, life was not easy.

...Life as Lizzy!

But now it seems we've kinda gotten hold of the boat's helm and the waves of the cumbersome ocean have subsided and let us relax. It seems that the tension in our arms from manouvering the heavy wheel of life is able to relax for just a little bit now. Splashes of thunderous waves aren't hitting us left and right anymore and we're able to actually take off our rain coats and those clunky rain boots. Flip flops anyone? Maybe we might even get to get a REAL vacation this year. Did I mention my 10 year wedding anniversary is coming up??? -H, I hope you're reading this.

No, life's not easy. I sometimes stop to think how other couples might've coped with what we've been faced with. The disease and all, because it's not easy. It's been a very trying time for us in so many aspects, my husband especially. We've gone through a stressful rollercoaster filled with emotional twists and turns that frankly, I don't know how others with diseases cope. Hearing about so many divorces and people getting seperated...it makes me sad to think. They have their health. -and I don't. What would I give to go back a few years and do things differently. I feel like I could've accomplished so much more. Although, I have no regrets, I am still perturbed by the infamous phrase 'what if ?'. But I've come to realize, I love my husband and my children so much, that who cares if I've got this disease??? I'm alive now and I'm with my beautiful family.

Proverbs 17:1
"Better a dry crust eaten in peace, than a house filled with feasting-and conflict."

My new endeavor...

2010-01-14T13:48:00.000-08:00

Okay, so many of you might know by now that I cannot sit still. I'm such a demanding multi-tasker that something's always going on in my life....School, kids, work projects, mom's clubs, women's clubs, church, parties, park outings, shopping, HUSBAND (oops, almost forgot that one). Haha!

Anyways, this time I've gone on a frenzie and started writing kids' books!! Yup, I've got three already written. And so many more on the way. For those who are also following me on Facebook, you'll know from all my status updates that my mind is going round and round exloding with more book ideas. I've always LOVED to write. I actually want to write a novel one day but for now, I will try this baby step, aside from blogging, and actually try this children's book writing stuff.

I am not going to give too much info or titles or what the books are actually all about, or I'd have to kill you. ...But I will say that my 4 year old J is already my biggest fan! He said he prefers my stories to the ones we read from all the library books we rent. So that is the best critique I've gotten so far. :)

2009

2009-12-31T13:08:00.000-08:00

I did it! During this time last year I made myself a resolution for 2009. Many might think it's a farely easy new year's resolution but I challenge you to live it. After being diagnosed with a deadly disease I resoluted to living my life to the fullest. And although I didn't jump out of an airplane or travel to Europe, the one thing I did do was make every single moment as meaningful as I could live it. I was there, present in the moments. Every tear cried, every smile to a random stranger, every word spoken, every laugh laughed with friends, every morning while eating breakfast with the kids...was meaningful.

I can't tell you what a year it's been. What a blessing it is to live like this. No more worrying about the coming years, or planning for this or that. I lived in the present. I hugged my kids and smelled their bodies next to mine. I lived like I was dying. I took in every single blessing and enjoyed it. When the sun rose, I smiled. And when the moon came up to greet the night sky, I smiled at the day I had had. I tucked in my little ones to bed and said many prayers with them. I kissed their foreheads with love and proclaimed many blessings to their lives, knowing fully that any day could be my last. I kissed my husband passionately and I smiled at his wonderful character. I lifted him up with laughter and comforted him with a soft touch of tenderness.
Friends and family have come forward and expressed such love to me that is trully indescribable. God has brought people in my life that have been like angels to me. During a time of much fear and uncertainty, the one thing that I did have to hold on to was my God. He showed me in so many ways this past year that He is here with me. So many confirmations have come to my life that basically kept me going and kept me smiling.

My doctor asked me if I suffered from depression after my diagnosis and my answer was a smile. Because at that moment I saw the many faces of loved ones that keep me going. I smiled because at that moment I saw the embrace that God has given me. No depression for me. Just love and hope.

So this 2010, I will continue my year of meaningful times. And even though I might just be doing ordinary things...every single moment counts in my life. Every single moment is important in my life and has been registered in the memory cabinet of my brain's library.

"The LORD knows the days of the upright, And their inheritance shall be forever." Psalm 37:18

Living the Dash

2009-10-12T16:35:00.000-07:00

Recently I read a book that challenged me to think about what I'd do if I only had one month to live. Honestly, the book was very insightful and for many probably very thought-provoking. At the end of my read I couldn't help but feel like I really didn't need to read a book to find out what I need to do with my life if I found out I was going to die soon. Everything in the book, I'm already doing. Since being diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension, I've completely changed my way of living. I don't want to waste any more time. I want to live like I'm dying. Plain and simple. And like the book mentions, I'm living the dash. The dash that's between the two years of my life...1978 - ?.

I'm enjoying the little things. I'm seeing things from a different perspective. I'm actually living a very fulfilling life. The 'someday syndrome' like the books talks about is very present in my life, because I'm trying VERY hard NOT to say 'someday'. I'm trying to do everything I want to do and make my life as meaningful as possible. There are many that I love, so I'm loving them passionately. There are many dreams I've had, so I'm thinking on how I can make them come true. Frankly, we don't know how much time we have on this earth. YOu never know when your day will come. I've started a journal to my kids, I've began to make albums with all our pictures. I'm getting to know my family better and say things I normally wouldn't have. I'm speaking more boldly, I'm living a selfless life. I'm putting myself in others' shoes. I'm making eye contact with strangers. I'm speaking words of wisdom. I'm reading bedtime stories to my kids at night. I'm telling people how much they mean to me. I'm saying sorry. And although I probably won't die a martyr's death like so many hence past. I want to leave a legacy...so I'm living. I'm really living.

"Show me, Oh Lord, my life's end and the number of my days; Let me know how fleeting is my life." Psalm 39:4

"Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12

Living a Sacrifice

2009-10-04T13:50:00.000-07:00

Father, may my flesh and bones become a living sacrifice for you.
May I be able to see only what you want me to view.
May I be able to speak only what you want me to say
and make Your priorities my goals of everyday.

Father, may Your glorious feet be the ones walking for me
through a rough and fogged up path so that I may be able to see.
May Your heart be the one giving my body fruit
the fruit that it needs to go on and follow your route.

Treat me like a puppeteer treats his dolls,
giving them life never letting them fall.
Using them to entertain,
a world with nothing to lose and everything to gain.

-Liz Blanco, 1999

My Bucket List

2009-09-19T10:57:00.000-07:00

I know that my hubby isn't too fond of me talking about death...but really I'm talking about LIFE. There's so much I want to do before I 'kick the bucket' that I've decided to make a 'Bucket List'. So here it is for all of you bloggers to enjoy. Haha! Although, much of the items on my Bucket List are more like dreams because they'd require lots of $$$.

1. Experience a 'White Christmas'.

2. Take my mom on a trip to Italy.

3. Take my kids to a beautiful Hawaiian beach.

4. Have a beautiful all-out bash party, the wedding I never had.

5. Buy a Disney annual pass for my kids and us to enjoy. -----Check!

6. Buy a house. ----Check! (Although we sold it. Does that still count?)

7. Own a business. ---Check!

8. Tell everyone that I care for I love them. ----Check!

9. Enjoy dinner and wine tasting in the Napa Valley.

10. Enjoy a spa day with Hector. -------Check!

11. Go to a Broadway Show in New York City.

12. Have a Character Luncheon at Disneyland with my kids.

13. Michael Buble concert!!!!!

14. Date night with Hector at the Piano Bar at the Bel Air Hotel in Beverly Hills.

15. Washington D.C. trip. -------Check! :)

16. Visit Niagra Falls, Yosemite, Australia's Great Barrier Reef, Israel.

17. Historical castles of the Middle Ages in Germany, Spain, England.

18. Open up a disabilities Center in Mexico for needy disabled children.

19. Visit Jamaica. -------Check!

20. Have a Slumber Party with my lady cousins! YAY!

21. Have an awesome time at Church with all the closest people in my life...I want to see hands in the air and smiles on their faces. :D

22. Write an Inspirational Diary (Life As Lizzy) AND get it published.

........Mind you, my list is a working progress and items will just randomly appear as I think of more stuff to do with my life. :)

...to live is Christ and to die is Gain.

2009-08-23T16:19:00.000-07:00

"...the Lord upholds the righteous, The Lord knows the days of the upright, And their inheritance shall be forever." Psalm 37:17-18

I woke up that day and immediately dove into your Word. I needed to know what I was going to say. I needed quidance. I asked for prayer requests from all my church friends and not to my surprise, I recieved many words of encouragement. One after another, I recieved emails and texts from people from all over, telling me they were praying. The power of prayer held a bond that day so strong I could feel it. Finally the time came, I left my home in route to pick up my parents first. We drove toward Pacoima and finally made it to her home in Alreta, CA. It was a long drive but well worth it.

"...I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Matthew 28:20

When I walked into her bedroom there she was...Noemi. Like an aunt to me. She is so much more special and has such a great place in my heart. Conversation was appropriate. Then after about half and hour my parents began saying their goodbyes. I finally took a deep breath and asked God to speak through me. I rose and asked if it was okay to pray. Everyone was in agreement and almost leeped at the chance. They all held hands as she drew me more near to her. I began to pray...

"Lord, first of all, I want to thank you for being here with us. I want to thank you for this life that I pray for today. Lord, I want to thank You for sending Your only son to die for us. Jesus, when you were there at that cross, bleeding and hurting, you closed your eyes and saw a face. Jesus you saw the face of so many and one of those was the face of N. You came here to this earth and lived humiliation. You lived criticism and hate and reproach. But you did it for us, for N. You died so that she may live. She has lived such an important life for so many, and her life is such a great testimony to Your love. The way she has loved and laughed and raised her two children is a testimony that I know You will reward. Everywhere N went she brought such joy to those around her. She has blessed us all with her lovingkindness. Lord, You have a wonderful crown of glory for N and Your word says that "to live is Christ and to die is gain". She has a special place in heaven waiting for her. Lord I ask for blessings for her grown children. She knows that the peace she has is brought by You and it exists because she is doing Your will. You will keep her and care for her son and daughter. I pray that you may take her heart, her soul, her mind and thoughts and that You may hold them in Your precious hands. Give her comfort and peace and reign over her. Send Your mighty angels and surround her, as well as all of us. Keep us safe and protected. Cover us in the holy blood of Jesus. Thank you for her life, thank You for Your precious son. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen!"

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with Thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Phillippians 4:6-7

When the prayer was done, there was not a dry eye in the room. Everyone was crying. But the tears were not of sadness but something much more. There was a blanket of peace that had been placed over all of us. The circle that was physically made by our held hands was so powerful that it drew God's angels down to us. I saw N, filled with hope and peace and inspiration. She looked at me and wouldn't let go of my hands. I told her that I loved her very much and that her life was so admirable to me. I pressed my hand over her chest. And though her body seems fragile and weak, her heart's thump was oh, so strong underneath my palm. I smiled at her and looked into her eyes. She thanked me in little words but her eyes transmitted much more. I love her. Will cherish her forever. And as we walked outside, the air was refreshing and the breeze lifted our spirits and reconfirmed that we had done the right thing. That prayer was not of my own words but of the Holy Spirit. Tears were cried by some that would never cry, words were spoken by someone that could never find the right things to say. Hearts were broken only to be mended and minds were opened only to be transported into a higher place of understanding. The seed has been planted and the doors have been opened.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved." John 3:16-17

Is it the End?

2009-08-20T15:31:00.000-07:00

The other day I was talking to my cousin K, she mentioned to me that she had been feeling very faint lately...mind you she just had a C-Section a couple of weeks ago, BUT this is K, the ONE that NEVER stops doing stuff, she's such a busy bee, go here, go there, do this, do that, clean here, tomorrow clean there. Anyways, it was so funny because she explained to me that she had come to the point of practically preparing her hubby, Jo, for the 'worst'. She said she thought she might be having an embolism (she's in the medical field so this is why people in the medical field over diagnose themselves ALL THE TIME), we just know too much. She gave Jo a list of the meds she had recently taken and told him to wake her if she didn't wake up from a nap after an hour...he let her sleep all night.

At first, I didn't want to laugh or anything. I just let her vent and describe her concerns. Then I kindly, gently, slowly said, "It might just be anemia...you've been bleeding, and you probably need to double up on your iron."

After a LONG pause she took a deep breath in and said, "Oh, I hadn't thought about that. You're right, I'll do that."

Then we both busted out laughing. We realized that it's so ridiculous that we do this to ourselves time and time again. We over-think things and come to the worst possible conclusions. I KNOW I've done this too. Especially with my Pulmonary Hypertension. My doctor says it's pretty normal to feel flutters or sharpness in the chest area every now and then. But still, everytime I feel it, I can't help but think, "Oh my God, is this it? Am I going to die, NOW?"

I remember the episodes, they happen in slow motion. I feel a sharp pain in my chest and automatically I pause. I stop whatever I might be doing, listen and wait. I don't know, what I'm waiting for but I wait to see if it's going to get stronger or something. The faces of my kids run through my mind and I view them like a slideshow. Their laughter, their cries. I don't know if that'll be the last time I experience their hugs and warmth. I see my husband and picture him here on earth without me. I want him to be happy and I suddenly find myself asking God to take care of them.

Then a smile comes to my face, I realize that it wasn't the end. And that I'm still here. So I go on with my day. Thank you God!

Everyday I'm here, I give thanks to the One above. He gives me the opportunity to live and what a great life he's given me!

"...For to a person who is good in His sight He has given wisdom and knowledge and joy...I know that there is nothing better for them than to rejoice and to do good in one's lifetime." Ecclesiastes 2:26 and 3:12

Strengths

2009-08-16T19:50:00.000-07:00

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

I have always longed to know the meaning of my life. I always knew that God had something for me, a purpose of some kind. Even as a child contemplating suicide, something just told me, "What if?". I heard that still small voice whisper into my ears words of hope. I've learned so much about myself these past few months and some things are truly amazing. I was put on the doorstep of the gates of death and like an abandoned child, I felt like nothing else was lying in my future. But the gates were not opened...instead a man came to my rescue, a man by the name of Jesus. He picked me up, when my cries were unheard, He lifted me when no one came to hold me. He whispered in my ear a hymn of hope, when no one was available to sing a lullaby. Facing death brought me to really live. I know that I am here for a reason and God isn't done with my life just yet! :)

This weekend I went to a Woman's Leadership Retreat from church and heard many speakers. Every single one of them touched me in a different way. I was able to relate to each and every one of them, as they spoke about life, moms, God, leadership, drugs, abortion, marriage, teen pregnancy, just to name a few. Surrounded by ladies from all walks of life, we were all there for the same purpose. To grow, spiritually. It was not only an eye-opening reflection on myself, but also an invitation to want more for other women like me.

In preparation to this weekend retreat, we read a book called Strengths Finder by Tom Rath. I learned five of my top strengths and the top one was connectedness. It was right on. The author says, "...you can give others comfort that there is a purpose beyond our humdrum lives." (pg. 73) This is absolutely true, hence my blog. I have always felt a need to tell others that there's a purpose for whatever we might be going through, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I recognize when others are feeling blue because I went through it. I see it in their eyes.

Another statement that struck me was on page 169 where he describes Woo, "In your world there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet -lots of them." When I was younger, I longed for true friendships. I didn't care if it was only one person, I just wanted to know that there was someone out there that I could be totally comfortable with and tell everything to. Someone that would cry with me and lift me up with encouragement whenever I needed it. God has brought such a smile to my face. I am excited because I see how he's brought certain people in my life that have now taken such a special role in it. So I'm giving a shout out to all my old, new and future friends! I LOVE you ALL!

Next was Responsibility...'nough said. I knew this one was one of my strengths, since like forever. No book needed to tell me that! Haha! Responsibility is described here as, "This conscientiousness, this near obsession for doing things right,... impeccable ethics...people look to you first because they know it will get done."

Strategic - " ...you sort through the clutter to find the best route...a distinct way of thinking...you see patterns where others see comlexity...you evaluate potential obstacles...you discard the paths that lead to nowhere...your intuitions are created by a brain that instinctively anticipates and projects..." This one I am really proud of. :) In the past, I thought it was wierd and almost bothersome on why I had to evaluate situations so much in my head before taking the next step. I was concerned about my over-obsessive thinking. I've even joked about how my head is a big library filled with cabinets and files and archived boxes of all my thoughts and memories. I was becoming afraid of my thoughts and wondered the purpose for my 'caring too much'. I just wanted peace. But now I see how God will use this.

And last but certainly not least was Arranger: "In your mind there is nothing special about what you are doing. You are simply trying to figure out the best way to get things done...effective flexibility...From the mundane to the complex, you are always looking for the perfect configuration...You jump into the confusion, devising new options, hunting for new paths of least resistance, and figuring out new partnerships - because, after all, there might just be a better way." Yes, there is ALWAYS a better way! I'm always trying to find out how to do things to prevent hassles later. I learn from my mistakes and figure out a better way to avoid them later. In turn, just like the above strategic way, I analyze and think about paths, routes, and dead ends.

I believe our strengths, our gifts are given to us for a reason. We've been supplied a unique personality, each one individual on its own, and each person has a special importance. We might not all think the same or have the same interests, but there is a reason. We are all bonded by the fact that we can give love in so many, many different ways.

"As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. Whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever." 1 Peter 4:10-11

Words of Oxygen by Liz Blanco

2009-06-21T16:58:00.000-07:00

It is a forshadowing realization that this poem was written by me back in 2001...I was diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension on October 31st, 2008, seven years later! In 2001, I also searched for verses in the bible that would bring significance to my poem.

close your eyes
and let my words guide you
let your ears act like a suction
that sweep my words deep into your brain
and let my words linger gently in your mind
and then be taken on a journey into your blood vessels
healing and transforming
every organ they go through

let my words be like oxygen
running through your body
giving the whispers of life
with ideas to carry you through and above
new and different
obstacles and situations.
-2001

"The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him." The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him. It is good that he waits silently For the salvation of the LORD. It is good for a man that he should bear The yoke in his youth. Let him sit alone and be silent Since He has laid it on him. Let him put his mouth in the dust, Perhaps there is hope. Let him give his cheek to the smiter, Let him be filled with reproach. For the Lord will not reject forever, For if He causes grief, Then He will have compassion According to His abundant lovingkindness."

"Let us examineand probe our ways, And let us return to the LORD. We lift up our heart and hands toward God in Heaven."

"You drew near when I called on You; You said, 'Do not fear!'"

Lamentations 3:22-32, 40-41, 57

Tyrone Wells - More

2009-06-02T14:01:00.000-07:00

Ever since I experienced Tyron Wells' performance at church over a month ago, I was blown away wheN he sang this particular song. The CD is still in my car and I play it all the time. It puts my life into perspective and I realize that God is so much "MORE". It speaks to me in so many different levels that I just had to share it with you. I hope it touches you as it has me. :)

So please click on the link below and enjoy!

"More" by Tyrone Wells:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdTyVg9njOk

On My Way to Siloam...Voy A Las Aguas de Siloe

2009-05-28T16:31:00.000-07:00

“Is any sick among you? Let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up...” James 5:14-15

Recently I was prayed over by the elders in my church. It was awesome! A little intimidating, yet very insightful. The bible talks a lot about the wisdom of elders and I was thrilled when a friend approached me with the idea. I know that God can simply snap his fingers and heal me, but there’s a time and a place for everything. Life can’t be that easy or else what can we learn from it? I have slowly realized that there is a reason for my illness. There’s a reason for everything under heaven.

Before that evening of prayer John 9 had been brought to my attention by my father-in-law. The apostle John talks about the healing of a blind man. The first question that arose in my head when I was diagnosed with my disease was, “Why me? What have I done to deserve this?”

“As He passed by, He saw a man blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?’” John 9:1-2

Fair enough question, if you ask me. These past few weeks I’ve come to learn that it is not that I’ve done something horrible to be stricken with this disease. Because I have done nothing. For the purpose of getting my point across I will remind you that I have never smoked, nor used cocaine or marijuana, nor drank, nor used diet pills (which are all things that precede this disease, in most cases).

“Jesus answered, ‘It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” John 9: 3

I know that God’s name is being glorified through this disease. I know that my life will be a life spoken of. I know that soon will come the day that, not me, but my wonderful God will be talked about and glorified because of the healing and all the good that He is doing in my life. Have you ever wanted to experience something supernatural? Well, keep in touch with me! Because I am on my way to the pool of Siloam!

“…He [Jesus] spat on the ground, and made clay of the spittle, and applied the clay to his eyes, and said to him, ‘Go, wash in the pool of Siloam’. So he went away and washed, and came back seeing.” John 9:6-7

Last Sunday as I was listening to the message at church; youth Pastor Tony Wood spoke about, yes, you guessed it, John 9 and the blind man. He mentioned something that I had not put into perspective. You see, when you think of healing, you think of being healed, not of the journey that the actual healing will take you on. We live in a society where we want everything NOW.

As he spoke about how Jesus showed this blind man compassion, he mentioned how Jesus stopped and gave attention to this man, by spitting into dirt and making this mud and actually rubbing it onto the face and eyes of the blind man. The poor blind man was a reject in society, even to his parents, probably. Nobody gave him the time of day, let alone touch him. But Jesus showed compassion with his undeniable, non-judgmental love. At that point it hit me. I realized that Jesus has already done that to me and more! I have to say, that my disease really hasn’t been that bad. I am still doing all my normal stuff. I can still walk and talk and work and laugh and go here and do that. God has provided me a job with medical benefits that pay for the expensive medication. God has provided me a wonderful husband and the support of many friends and family that truly care about me. I am not depressed and have not become handicapped. Yes, I deal with little things here and there, but that’s all they are…little things. Nothing is going to get me down. If anything, I feel more empowered and happy and have gotten the opportunity to really enjoy life. I see my kids and husband with a new love. I wear these great lenses of hope that constantly let me peak into a world that is full of optimism. I am more today than I have ever been. I love it.

“Therefore the neighbors, and those who previously saw him as a beggar, were saying, ‘Is not this the one who used to sit and beg?’ Others were saying, ‘This is he, still others were saying, ‘No, but he is like him.’ He kept saying, ‘I am the one.’ So they were saying to him, ‘How then were your eyes opened?’ He answered, ‘The man who is called Jesus made clay, and anointed my eyes, and said to me, ‘Go to Siloam and wash’; so I went away and washed, and I received sight.’” John 9: 8-11

So, thank you God for rubbing your spit and dirt unto my life, and now I will head to the pool of Siloam. Who knows how long it took the poor blind man to get there. He must of stumbled and fell a bunch of times. So if I fall and stumble it’ll be okay. I have a group of people that will guide me and make me feel better. I don’t know how long it’ll take me but I will soon wash myself in the pool of Siloam and be healed.

In order for there to be a miracle of healing there's got to be a disease first. In order for it to become clean, it's got to be dirty first.

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“Si alguno está enfermo, que llame a los ancianos de la iglesia, para que oren por él y en el nombre del Señor le apliquen aceite. Y cuando oréis con fe, el enfermo sanará y el Señor lo levantará…” Santiago 5:14-15

Recientemente los ancianos de mi iglesia oraron por mi. ¡Fue realmente impresionante! Un poco intimidante, pero muy profundo. La Biblia habla mucho sobre la sabiduría de ancianos, asi que me senti muy emocionada cuando una amiga se me acercó con la idea. Sé que para Dios es cosa fácil curarme, pero tambien reconozco que hay una época y un lugar para todo. ¿La vida no puede ser tan fácil o bien, qué podemos aprender de ella? Ahora entiendo que hay una razón por mi enfermedad. Hay una razón por todo bajo el cielo. Antes de esa tarde, Juan 9 llego a mi atención a traves de mi suegro. El apostol Juan habla de la sanacion de un hombre ciego. ¿La primera pregunta que se presentó en mi mente cuando me diagnosticaron con mi enfermedad fue, “Por qué yo? Qué hize para merecer esto?”

“Yendo de camino vio Jesús a un hombre que había nacido ciego. Los discípulos le preguntaron: –Maestro, ¿por qué nació ciego este hombre? ¿Por el pecado de sus padres o por su propio pecado?” Juan 9:1-2

Bastante razonable pregunta, en mi opinion. Éstas ultimas semanas he venido aprender que no es que he hecho algo horrible para ser afligido con esta enfermedad. Porque no he hecho nada. Con el fin de proporcionarle mi punto les recordaré que nunca he fumado, ni cocaína o marijuana he usado, ni bebí, ni utilicé las píldoras de la dieta (que, en la mayoría de los casos, son todas las cosas que preceden esta enfermedad).

“Jesús les contestó: –Ni por su propio pecado ni por el de sus padres, sino para que en él se demuestre el poder de Dios.” Juan 9:3

Sé que el nombre de Dios está siendo glorificado con esta enfermedad. Sé que mi vida será una vida de hablar. Sé que pronto vendrá el día de que, no yo, sino mi Dios maravilloso sera el motivo de platicas y sera glorificado debido a mi sanacion y todo lo bueno que él esté haciendo en mi vida. ¿Le tienen deseó a experimentar algo supernatural? ¡Bien, permanézcanse en contacto conmígo! ¡Porque mi curso me lleva a las aguas de Siloe!

“Dicho esto, Jesús escupió en el suelo, hizo con la saliva un poco de lodo y untó con él los ojos del ciego. Luego le dijo: –Ve a lavarte al estanque de Siloé…El ciego fue y se lavó, y al regresar ya veía.” Juan 9:6-7

El domingo pasado mientras escuchaba el mensaje en la iglesia; el pastor de los jovenes, Tony Wood, habló, sí, nada mas de que Juan 9 y del hombre ciego. Él mencionó algo que no había puesto en perspectiva. Ves, cuando piensas en la sanacion, piensas en ser sanado, no en el viaje en el cual la sanacion tomará. Vivimos en una sociedad donde deseamos todo AHORA. Mientras que él habló sobre cómo Jesús demostró compasión al hombre ciego y cómo Jesús paró y presto atención a este hombre, escupiendo en la suciedad y haciendo este lodo y frotándolo sobre la cara y los ojos del hombre ciego. El pobre hombre ceigo era un rechazo en sociedad, incluso a sus padres, probablemente. Nadie lo tomaba en cuenta, aún menos le daban un abrazo. Pero Jesús demostró la compasión con su amor imnegable, sin juzgar. Fue alli que hizo sentido. ¡Me di cuenta que Jesús ha hecho ya eso por mí y más! Admito, que mi enfermedad realmente no ha sido tan mala. Todavía estoy haciendo todo lo normal. Puedo todavía caminar y hablar y trabajar y reír e ir aquí y alla y hago eso y aquello. Dios me ha proveído un trabajo con beneficios médicos que pagan mi costosa medicación. Dios me ha proporcionado un marido maravilloso y la ayuda de muchos amigos y familia que me cuidan verdaderamente. No me deprimo y no me he discapacitado. Sí, enfrento pequeñas cosas aquí y allí, pero éso es todo lo que son… pequeñas cosas. Nada va a derrotarme. Si algo, me siento con mas fuerza y mas feliz; realmente he conseguido la oportunidad de gozar de la vida. Veo a mis hijos y marido con un nuevo amor. Uso unos anteojos de esperanza que me dejan ver constantemente a lo máximo un mundo lleno de optimismo. Soy más ahora que nunca antes. Lo amo.

“Los vecinos y los que otras veces le habían visto pedir limosna se preguntaban: –¿No es este el que se sentaba a pedir limosna? Unos decían: –Sí, es él.Y otros: –No, no es él, aunque se le parece. Pero él decía: –Sí, soy yo. Le preguntaron: –¿Y cómo es que ahora puedes ver? –Él contestó: –Ese hombre que se llama Jesús hizo lodo, me untó los ojos y me dijo: ‘Ve al estanque de Siloé y lávate.' Yo fui, me lavé y comencé a ver.” Juan 9:8-11

Así pues, gracias Dios por frotar tu escupido y lodo en mi vida, y ahora me dirigiré a las aguas de Siloé. :) Quién sabe cuánto tiempo tomó ese pobre hombre ciego para llegar. Debe haberse tropezado y caído un manojo de veces. Asi que si me caigo y me tropiezo, todo estara bien porque tengo un grupo de gente que me dirigirá y hará sentirme mejor. No sé cuánto tiempo me tomará pero pronto me lavaré en las aguas de Siloé y seré sanada.

Antes que se haga un milagro de sanidad, debe haber una enfermedad. Antes que algo sea limpiado, debe ser sucio primero.

His Comfort and Security

2009-05-09T14:33:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think God stays quiet with me so that I can strictly open my ears and just reflect. It’s been a few weeks since I blogged and it’s because I really didn’t have anything be put into my heart to even write about. The Lord’s stillness has reminded me of the times I rested my head on my mother’s bosom. I didn’t need to hear any speaking; I just listened to the thumping of her heart beat next to my face and to the rhythm of her breathing, this which pleased and comforted me. Sometimes my mom sang a lullaby and other times she just held me in her arms. Words were not spoken but the love she emitted was felt very graciously by my being.

“I will not leave you comfortless; I will come to you…In that day you will know that I am in My Father, and you in Me, and I in you.” John 14:18-20

I know that God is that same way with me. I have felt Him these past weeks…just enfolding me like my mother use to hold me. No words spoken, no singing…just feeling His love next to me. Feeling His embrace is enough to fill me up with confidence. Nobody can harm me, for I’m protected by my Father. Nothing can tackle me down, for I’m held up by the ever-lasting King.

“But he who listens to me shall live securely and will be at ease from the dread of evil.”

Proverbs 1:33

His silence might be interpreted by some as cold or as if He’s not taking me into account, but I know better. I know He’s there, contemplating in the beauty of His creation. It must be such a blessing and great feeling to see your children go on the right path. I hope my thoughts and actions cause a smile on His face every day. I hope He is pleased by me and by my attempts at reaching His righteousness.

“And the work of righteousness will be peace, And the service of righteousness, quietness and confidence forever.” Isaiah 32:17

"The King is enthralled by your beauty; Honor Him, for He is your Lord." Psalm 45:11

When I look in the mirror and see the bruises that I’ve developed because of the medication I’m on, I don’t get down or envelop myself in sadness…I smile at the reflection staring back at me. I smile, not at myself or at the outfit I might be wearing. I smile at the Lord’s creation. He made me to His image. He made me beautiful in spirit and I know He is pleased with me. I smile because it brings me such joy to make Him happy. I smile at His love and at His never-ending mercy.

I have learned to take each day as a blessing. I am thanking God for every little thing He does for me, every single day.

“Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. ..Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” Matthew 5:5-8

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Pienso que a veces Dios es silencioso conmígo para que yo pueda abrir los oídos y simplemente reflejar. Han sido algunas semanas desde que escribo algo y es porque realmente no habia tenido algo puesto en mi corazón para escribir de ello. La calma del Señor me ha recordado los tiempos que reclinaba mi cabeza en el pecho de mi madre. No necesité oír una voz; Solamente escuchaba el golpeo pesadamente de su corazón al lado de mi cara y tambien escuchaba el ritmo de su respiración, la cual me contentaba y me confortaba. Mi mamá cantó a veces un arrullo y otras veces solamente me sostenia en sus brazos. Ningunas palabras fueron habladas pero el amor que ella emitió era sentido muy graciosamente por mi ser.

“No voy a dejarlos abandonados: volveré para estar con vosotros… vosotros me veréis, y viviréis porque yo vivo. En aquel día os daréis cuenta de que yo estoy en mi Padre, y que vosotros estáis en mí y yo en vosotros.” Juan 14:18-20

Sé que mi Dios es de esa misma manera conmígo. Lo he sentido envolverme asi estas últimas semanas… como me sostenia mi madre. Ningunas palabras habladas, ningúnas canciones cantadas… simplemente el sentir Su amor al lado de mí. El sentir Su abrazo es bastante para llenarme de confianza. Nadie puede dañarme, porque mi padre me proteje. Nada puede atacarme, porque El Rey eterno me soporta.

“Pero el que me escuche vivirá confiadamente, estará tranquilo, sin temor del mal”. Proverbios 1:33

Su silencio puede ser interpretado por algunos como frío o como si él no me esté tomando en consideración, pero yo conozco la verdad. Sé que él está allí, comtemplando en la belleza de su creación. Debe ser una gran bendición y gran sensación ver a sus hijos caminar en una trayectoria derecha. Espero que mis pensamientos y acciones causen una sonrisa en Su cara cada dia. Espero que él se satisfeche en mí y en mis tentativas de alcanzar su rectitud.

“El efecto de la justicia será la paz y la labor de la justicia, reposo y seguridad para siempre. Y mi pueblo habitará en morada de paz, en habitaciones seguras y en lugares de reposo”. Isaias 32:17-18

“Pues el rey desea tu belleza; El es tu Señor, y debes obedecerle”. Salmo 45:11

Cuando miro en el espejo y veo los moretones que he desarrollado debido a la medicación que estoy tomando, no me decaigo y no me envuelvo en tristeza… sonrío a la reflexión que me mira fijamente. Sonrío, no a mi misma o en el traje que pueda tener puesto. Sonrío por la creación del Señor. Él me hizo a Su imagen. Él me hizo hermosa en espiritu y sé que él está satisfecho conmígo. Sonrío porque me llena de tanta alegría hacerlo feliz. Sonrío por Su amor y por su interminable misericordia. He aprendido a tomar cada día como una bendición. Estoy agradecida con Dios por cada pequeña cosa que él hace por mí, cada día.

“Bienaventurados los mansos, porque recibirán la tierra por heredad. Bienaventurados los que tienen hambre y sed de justicia, porque serán saciados. Bienaventurados los misericordiosos, porque alcanzarán misericordia. Bienaventurados los de limpio corazón, porque verán a Dios.” Mateo 5:5-8

Los Pensamientos Pronosticados de Dios

2009-04-15T16:54:00.000-07:00

"Bendeciré al Señor con toda mi alma; bendeciré con todo mi ser su santo nombre. Bendeciré al Señor con toda mi alma; no olvidaré ninguno de sus beneficios. Él es quien perdona todas mis maldades, quien sana todas mis enfermedades, quien libra mi vida del sepulcro, quien me colma de amor y ternura, quien me satisface con todo lo mejor y me rejuvenece como un águila." Salmo 103:1-5

El otro día, de todos los días para olvidarme de mi cartel de desventaja para mi coche, conduje el vehiculo rentado de mi marido al trabajo. Para evitar una caminata larga y agutadora, debido a mi Hipertensión Pulmonaria, me estacione en un área del hospital en donde no deben los empleados parquear. A mi sorpresa, cuando salí de mi coche y procedí a caminar a la entrada, me encontre con el guarda de seguridad en su SegWay. ¡Arrrr!!! Sentía que mi sangre empezaba a hervir con su mirada como cuando un padre encuentra a su nina hacienda algo que no debe. Al punto de alegar clemencia al malo y granduoso policia, me sentí como una pequeña nina denuevo. Después de darme cuenta que incluso no tenía el papel del DMV para comprobar mi enfermedad, alegue mi defensa y le explique mis razones al policia de porque no me estacione en el lugar indicado para los empleados que esta en ese lugar mas alla a la distancia, en ese mundo tan lejano para mi. Él apuntó hacia la dirección donde él permitiría que me parqueara por el resto del día. Era tres carriles más lejos de donde me habia comfortablemente y tan graciosamente, estacionado mi pequeno carrito de renta. Entre de nuevo a mi carrito rentado y conduje al punto asignado. ¡No podía creer que cuando me sente en el asiento del conductor, casi comencé a llorar! Mi garganta desarrolló un nudo grande y sentí otra vez un codazo de parte de la lastima en mi hombro. Estaba allí para recordarme que estoy enferma y que tengo una desventaja.

"Insisten en que ellos son justos, en que tienen limpias las manos."
Job 17:9

Pero tan pronto cuando estos pensamientos externos malignos comenzaron a abrir rápidamente las puertas bloqueadas de la depresión, sentí una voz dentro de mi cabeza. Él dijo, “Si quiera mira al otro lado brillante, por lo menos él no te hizo estacionarte en la porción reservada para el empleado a lo largo de una milla.” Eso fue todo, fue todo lo que tomó para que florezca una sonrisa en mi cara. Mire al espejo retrovisor y heché una ojeada a mis ojos, en ellos una mirada llena de amor y paz segura y guardada hacia mí. Reprendi a la lastima y cerré la puerta de la depresión y casi fue como hubiese visto seres angelicales colocandose como guardas para protejerme encontra de ataques futuros. Mi caminata no fue dificil y llegue justo a tiempo al tercer piso en la sala de partos para empezar me turno de trabajo.

Mientras que he estado en esta jornada con la Hipertensión Pulmonaria, he aprendido a disfrutar a lo maximo cada situación. Donde en el pasado, puede ser que me haya ahogado en la lastima, ahora me encuentro más espiritual y llena de alegría. Soy agradecida por cada pequeño detalle pronosticado de Dios en el cual El piense en mí para mis caminos diarios de la vida. No hay un día que no veo Su mano trabajando en mi vida. Me ha llenado de una paz indefinible que solamente la alegría puede describir. Dulce son las palabras de mis amigas que me animan y perfumadas son las amistades que han encantado mi vida. Creo de verdad que todos aquellos a quien Dios pone en mi vida están alli por una razón y hay un propósito por cada encuentro. Dios es un dios de detalles minutos y El comprende nuestros corazones mejor que lo hacemos nosotros. Nuestra diminutiva comprensión nunca alcanzará Su sabiduría interminable pero mientras quede orientada nuestra confianza en ÉL, qué puede ir mal en nuestras vidas? Deseo que cada uno de ustedes sepan que me importan mucho. Si consideran y leen de mis palabras, ustedes saben quiénes son, yo quisiera que supieran que son importantes en mi vida. Quisiera que supieran que cuando le miro, le miro con el amor de Dios. Y a los que leen esto, confía en que Dios está allí para ti también.

Antes sufria por los amigos que no tenía. En mi soledad me sentía que no tenía a nadien en quien confiar. Reservé a mi ser verdadero para las que pasaban y aguantaban mi larga prueba de la amistad verdadera…(No eran muchas las que pasaron mi prueba). Pero ahora sé que hay mucha gente que se siente de la misma manera que yo me sentia. Esto es lo que decidí hacer: Espere en el Señor y decidi ser una persona verdadera a todos. Reservé nada a todos y provei mucho a cualquiera y termine, por encima de todo, haciendo muchas amistades verdaderas.

"Siempre os he enseñado que así se debe trabajar y ayudar a los que se encuentran en necesidad, recordando aquellas palabras del Señor Jesús: ‘Hay más felicidad en dar que en recibir." Acts 20:35

God's Forcasted Thoughts

2009-04-07T17:02:00.000-07:00

"Bless the Lord, O my soul, And all that is within me, bless His holy name. Bless the Lord,O my soul, And forget none of His benefits; Who pardons all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases; Who redeems your life from the pit, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion; Who satisfies your years with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle."
Psalm 103:1-5

The other day, of all days to forget my handi-cap placard for my car, I drove my husband’s rental to work. In order to avoid a long grueling walk, because of my Pulmonary Hypertension, I parked in an area of the hospital where employees are not supposed to park. To my surprise, as I got out of my car and proceeded to walk to the entrance, I was greeted by our Security Guard on his SegWay. Arrrr!!! I felt my blood start boiling as he looked at me like a father looks at his child when he finds her doing something she’s not supposed to. I felt like a little girl, about to plead her case in front of the big mean SegWay Police Man. After realizing that I didn’t even have the DMV paper for the placard on me, I told the security guard my reasons for not parking at the far, far neverland employee parking lot. He pointed toward a spot where he would allow me to park for the day. It was about three lanes farther than where I had comfortably and oh, so graciously, parked my little rental. I then got back into the rental and drove to the allotted spot. I couldn’t believe that as I was sitting in the drivers’ seat, I almost started crying! My throat developed a big knot and I felt self-pity nudge on my shoulder again. It was there to remind me that I am sick and that I have a handi-cap.

"Nevertheless the righteous will hold to his way, And he who has clean hands will grow stronger and stronger." Job 17:9

But just as soon as these devious external thoughts began to quickly open the gated doors of depression, I felt a voice in my head. It said, “Look at the bright side, at least he didn’t make you park in the reserved employee parking lot a mile away.” That’s it, that’s all it took for there to blossom a smile on my face. I looked in the rear-view mirror and took a look at my eyes, in them a love and secure guarded peace looked back at me. I rebuked self-pity and closed the door on depression and almost saw the angelic beings stand guard for future attacks. My walk was not tough and I made it to the Labor and Delivery floor right on time to clock in.

As I’ve been on this journey with Pulmonary Hypertension, I’ve learned to make the most out of every situation. Where in the past, I might have drowned in self-pity, now I find myself more spirited and full of joy. I am thankful for every little forecasted detail that God thinks of for me in my daily walks in life. Not a day goes by that I don’t see His hand at work in my life. It has filled me with an indefinable peace that only joy can describe. Sweet are the words of my encouraging friends and perfumed are the friendships that have charmed my life. I truly believe that everyone that God places on my path is for a reason and there’s a purpose to every encounter. God is a God of minutiae details and He comprehends our hearts better than we do. Our diminutive understanding will never reach His interminable wisdom but as long as our trust remains on HIM, what can go wrong? I want to let everyone know that you matter to me. If you’re taking into account and reading my words, you know who you are, I want you to know that you’re important in my life. I want you to know that when I look at you, I look at you with God’s love. And to all you who read this, trust that God is there for you too.

"But let all who take refuge in You be glad, Let them ever sing for joy; And may You shelter them, That those who love Your name may exult in You. For it is You who blesses the righteous man, O Lord, You surround him with favor as with a shield." Psalm 5:11-12

I use to suffer for the lack of friends that I had. In my loneliness, I felt that I had no one to trust. I reserved my true self for those that passed my long and enduring test of true friendship…There weren’t many that passed. But now I know that there are many people out there that feel the same way as I did. This is what I decided to do: Wait upon the Lord and be a true person to everyone. I reserved nothing to everyone but provided much to anyone and ended up making many real friendships.

"In everything I showed you that by working hard in this manner you must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He Himself said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'" Acts 20:35

Lemonade of Hope

2009-03-19T09:46:00.000-07:00

"In my distress I called upon the Lord, Yes, I cried to my God; And from His temple He heard my voice, And my cry for help came into His ears.” 2 Samuel 22:7

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade…Right? I recently had to make a decision on my studies. I feel so saddened and ask myself, “Why do I have this debilitating disease?” My dream has always been to become a nurse.

I’ve been working as a Surgical Tech/Assistant for ten years and thus have been exposed to the heartwarming, respectable working people of the healthcare system do. Working in the Labor and Delivery floor, I’ve met so many strong nurses, doctors, midwives, and anesthesia providers that are all willing to give so much of themselves for the health of others. I’ve seen how nurses are able to look into the eyes of perfect strangers and tend to them as if the patient is their own daughter. The love and passion that nurses give is absolutely outstanding and often leaves me awe struck. I’ve worked alongside these brilliant nurses for many years and found myself believing that I could provide the same or, in some cases, exceed the care given.

I have been working very hard, juggling work, a toddler, a baby, a new business, marriage, and all the home tasks, and now even a newly diagnosed disease, that I have found myself drowning. So many questions arise in my infinite self-pity that I’m almost becoming bored with myself. Hmm, self-pity. How does that help?

“…the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” Romans 8:26-27

After many many nights of prayer and thought, I’m overwhelmed in confusion and find that I need to give myself a break. Then I think, “More wasted time? You could’ve been a nurse by now if you hadn’t wasted so much time”. Pulmonary Hypertension has landed on the strip of my mind, blocking all other roads that I thought, at one time, I had. Now, things have changed for me. I do not have those backup roads to take anymore. I am forced to look at things in black and white.

Maybe nursing school is not for me anymore, I do not have the vigor I use to boast. In order to actually take care of sick patients, I am obliged to do all I can. Pulmonary Hypertension has exhausted my past energetic personality. This post almost feels like I’m apologizing to Nursing School or like I’m giving myself excuses. My heart is truly broken. I have never been a quitter. Oh Lord, What am I to do now?

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phillippians 4:4-7

I feel that I need to relieve my mind, and my heart, of unnecessary stresses. And although I am very disappointed, I can’t escape the feeling of excitement. The practical side of me has to stand aside and the kid in me just has to hold her Father’s hand and follow. It’s almost like at least now I know, you know? I am bewildered at the thought of the excitement growing within me because it’s all unknown territory that I’m blindly headed to. I have always been a planner. And now a little part of me is actually excited to not know. Is that possible? If you’ve read my past posts you know that I’m a little OCD. Okay, maybe not just a little…okay, a lot. I have to have things under control and neatly organized in the never-ending file cabinet of my mind. “There’s a place for everything and everything in its place”, is always my honorable motto! But now that I don’t know where life is taking me, I am secretly happy to plainly, just let go. I candidly trust in the Lord, so I constantly remind myself that He wouldn’t lead me through the incorrect path of life. So, what can go wrong? If I’ve got the ruler of the universe and all things, on my side, what can go wrong?

“For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.” Romans 8:24-25

When I started writing this post, I know I began with a depressed and desperate approach at conveying my feelings, but as I continued to write I found a little spark in the maze of my thoughts. Something within me lighted up and I found myself running toward it. Why would I want to inundate myself in the astray of self-pity? I don’t care how small that diminutive spark is, but I’m running for it. I will reach my arms toward it and never let go. It’s that sense of hope that engulfs me to write these foreign inspirational thoughts.

So let’s make some lemonade!

“And now, Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in You.”

Psalm 39:7

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Limonada de Esperanza

“En mi angustia llame al Senor, pedi ayuda a mi Dios y El me escucho desde su templo.” 2 Samuel 22:7

¿Cuándo la vida te da limones, haz limonada…no? Tuve que tomar recientemente una decisión sobre mis estudios. Me siento entristecída y me pregunto, “Porqué tengo esta enfermedad debilitante?”

Mi sueño siempre ha sido convertirme en una enfermera. He estado trabajando como una Ayudante Quirúrgica por diez años y así me he expuesto a una gente de trabajo conmovedora, respetable del sistema medicinal. Trabajando en el piso de maternidad, he conocido a mucha/os enfermeras, doctores, parteras, y provedores de la anestesia que estan dispuestos a dar tanto de sí mismos para la salud de otros. He visto cómo las enfermeras pueden mirar en los ojos de extranjeros perfectos y tender a ellos como si el paciente sea su propia hija. El amor y la pasión que dan es absolutamente excepcional y a menudo me deja llena de admiracion. He trabajado junto a estas enfermeras brillantes por muchos años y he llegado a creer que yo podría proporcionar igual o, en algunos casos, exceder el cuidado dado.

He estado trabajando arduosamente como un malabarista; poseo un niño, una bebé, un nuevo negocio, mi matrimonio, un trabajo, y todas las tareas caseras, y resientemente diagnosticada con una nueva enfermedad, que me encontre ahogandome. Muchas preguntas se presentan en mi infinita lastima que casi me estoy aburriendo yo misma. Mmm, lastima por si misma. ¿En que manera ayuda la lastima?

“...el Espíritu nos ayuda en nuestra debilidad. Porque no sabemos orar como es debido, pero el Espíritu mismo ruega a Dios por nosotros con gemidos que no pueden expresarse con palabras. Y Dios, que examina los corazones, sabe qué quiere decir el Espíritu, porque el Espíritu ruega conforme a la voluntad de Dios por los del pueblo santo.” Romans 8:26-27

Después de muchas muchas noches de oracion y del pensamiento, me abruman en la confusión y me doy cuenta que necesito un cambio. ¿Entonces pienso, “Más tiempo perdido? Ya hubiera sido una enfermera si no había perdido tanto tiempo”. La Hipertensión Pulmonaria ha aterrizado en la tira de mi mente, bloqueando el resto de los caminos que pensé, contemporáneamente, que tenía. Ahora, las cosas han cambiado para mí. No tengo esos caminos de reserva para tomar más. Me fuerzan en mirar las cosas en blanco y negro. Quizá la Escuela de Enfermeria ya no es para mí, yo no poseo jactanciosamente el vigor de antes. Para realmente tomar el cuidado de pacientes enfermos, soy obligada a hacer todo lo que pueda. La Hipertensión Pulmonaria ha agotado mi personalidad enérgetica. Este mensaje casi se siente como si estuviese disculpandome con La Escuela de Enfermeria o como si estuviese dando excusas. Mi corazón está verdaderamente roto. Nunca me he dado por vencida tan facilmente. ¿Señor, que hare ahora?

“Así Dios os dará su paz, que es más grande que todo cuanto el hombre puede comprender; y esa paz guardará vuestro corazón y vuestros pensamientos, porque estáis unidos a Cristo Jesús.” Filipenses 4:4-7

Siento que necesito aliviar mi mente, y mi corazón, de tensiones innecesarias. Y aunque estoy muy decepcionada, no puedo escapar la sensación del entusiasmo. El lado práctico de mí tiene que hacerse a un lado y la nina en mí debe tomar la mano de su padre y seguir. ¿Sabes? Por lo menos ahora mí ser sabe. Me desconciertan los pensamientos y el entusiasmo que crece dentro de mí porque es territorio desconocido para mi en el cual me dirijo ocultamente. He sido siempre una planificadora. Y ahora una pequeña parte de mí se excita por el simple hecho de no saber. ¿Es eso posible? Si han leído mis últimos mensajes saben que sufro un poco del trastorno de ser obsesiva-compulsiva. Bueno, quizá no un poco… bueno, mucho. Tengo que tener cosas bajo control y organizadas cuidadosamente en el gabinete interminable del archivo de mi mente. “¡Hay un lugar para todo y todo en su lugar”, siempre ha sido mi lema honorable! Pero ahora que no sé adónde la vida me está llevando, soy secretamente feliz de simplemente dejarme ir. Sinceramente confío en en el Señor, así que me recuerdo constantemente que El no me conduciría al camino incorrecto de la vida. ¿Así pues, qué puede ir mal? ¿Si tengo al Rey del universo y todas cosas, en mi lado, qué puede ir mal?

“Y en esa esperanza hemos sido salvados. Ahora bien, si lo que se espera está ya a la vista, entonces no es esperanza, porque ¿a qué esperar lo que ya se está viendo? Pero si lo que esperamos es algo que aún no vemos, con constancia hemos de esperarlo.” Romanos 8:24-25

Cuando comencé a escribir este mensaje, sé que comencé con un deprimido y desesperado intento a comunicar mis sentimientos, pero en lo continué escribiendo encontré una pequena chispa en el laberinto de mis pensamientos. Algo dentro de mí se encendió y me encontre corriendo hacia él. ¿Por qué desearía inundarme en el extraviado de la lastima? No me importa que tan pequeño sea la chispa diminuta, corro hacia ella. Extenderé mis brazos hacia él y nunca lo dejare ir. Es ese sentido de la esperanza que me engulle para escribir estos pensamientos extranjeros de inspiracion.

¡Asi que, vamos hacer un poco de limonada!

“Y así, Señor, ¿qué puedo ya esperar? ¡Mi esperanza está en ti!” Salmo 39:7

Respecting Your Spouse

2009-03-10T14:38:00.000-07:00

The other night I read one of my friend’s blog posts to Hector out loud. A topic she mentioned in it was about respecting your husband. I couldn’t believe what a slap in the face it turned out to be. As I read it to Hector and then took a quick glance at his face I suddenly realized that, I, little ‘ole me, was under-appreciating my own husband. Mind you, I had read this exact post before without any revelation whatsoever but what made a difference this time was seeing Hector’s face as I read it. His face quiet and sympathetic. His eyes a gaze at the floor. His lips closed in reserve. His brows lifted in thought. I understood that as I continued reading he was finding himself relating to my friend’s husband as well. Suddenly the light bulb went on over my head and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.

"House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the LORD." Proverbs 19:14

He’s done so much for me over the past 15 years that we’ve been a couple. It’s been so long that I just tend to feel that he should know how much I love him and appreciate him. But does he really? We’ve been married for almost nine years and living together has really tried our hearts and patience. At first the days passed, then the months, now the years have passed so quickly. And maybe if I stop to listen to him I can actually hear a faint cry for help. In my eyes, it’s obvious how much I love him but I’ve realized that in his eyes things might seem a little different.

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word...So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself..." Ephesians 5:25-28

He does so much for me. He knows that with my disease I quickly lose my breath by hauling the heavy vacuum back and forth, so he vacuums for me. He knows that doing the laundry is exhausting for me, so he does the laundry. He knows that going up the stairs while carrying our little 21 pound baby takes my breath away, so he does that for me, sometimes several times in one day. He carries the backpack and Lisamarie to and from our car at the parking lots wherever we might go. He picks up everything off the floor even if it’s right by my feet, just so I don’t bend over. After work he’ll stop by the grocery store and pick up whatever we might need, cook dinner, then finish picking up all the toys in the living room and shower sometimes at 11 o’ clock at night. I can’t believe how much he does for me. How much he does for us, his family. Yeah, sometimes he complains and other times he says nothing. His days are so busy and filled with problems and responsibilities and still he admits that all he wants is to be at home with us, pesky brats.

He’s my husband. The one that showed me what True love was all about. The one that stood out from all the rest in High School. The one that spoke words of wisdom, when everyone else just wanted to go drinking and clubbing. The one that valued me even more so than my first hero, my dad. Hector, has always been the voice of inspiration and good judgment. The one that constantly makes me understand that God sees me as a precious treasure. He is my love and I his. Oh Lord, I give him to You, take care of him and bless him mightily.

"Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the LORD. Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them." Colossians 3:18-19

"However, in the LORD, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as the woman originates from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman; and all things originate from God." 1 Corinthians 11:11-12

Thanks Lorayne for the sincerity and humility you provide in your blogposts!
http://www.recoveringbrat.blogspot.com (Lorayne Nazur’s blog)

Critical Judgments

2009-03-02T14:50:00.000-08:00

I heard a story the other day that made me ponder on our ability to set premature judgments on people. The story consisted of a family whom invited a prostitute into their home, willingly. Actually, the prostitute had been approached via the internet by an ordinary male. She thought she was there for ‘work’. When she arrived and was greeted at the door by a wife and her husband she didn’t know what to think. At first, when I heard this first part of the story, I didn’t know what to think either…The couple told the girl they were paying for her time to listen, nothing else. They proceeded to share their life story and talk to her about God and how He didn’t want her to persist on functioning this way as a prostitute selling her body to make ends meet. The girl’s first reaction was to leave and not be preached at, but she stayed and listened to their attempts at showing her the love of Christ.

At first, I thought, “This kind of a person can bring a lot of spiritual baggage and even be life threatening to my family. What if her ‘pimp’ decides he’s not too happy with our acquaintance and decides to do us harm? So many things can go wrong –real quick!”

“Do not be excessively righteous and do not be overly wise. Why should you ruin yourself?" Ecclesiastes 7:16

But then I thought about the girl. Who is she? Where does she come from? Does she even know she’s worth so much more? Does she have children waiting for her at home? Maybe she doesn’t want to settle for a regular occupation because the money’s not as good, or maybe she doesn’t even take home that much money because her pimp seizes all her earnings. Does she comprise any diseases? Does she even have a place to stay? What kind of people is she constantly being surrounded by?

This couple gave her an opportunity of adjustment. Whether she took it or not, she heard it and discovered there were many alternatives for her future.

“Indeed there is not a righteous man on earth who continually does good and who never sins. Also, do not take seriously all words which are spoken, so that you will not hear your servant cursing you. For you also have realized that you likewise have many times cursed others.” Ecclesiastes 7:20-22

How many times have we misjudged someone? They say first impressions are never forgotten. Yet on the contrary, people also say to never judge a book by its cover. Both these aphorisms are very popular. Which do you actually adhere to? We want to be that person that doesn’t criticize anyone, but are we? We say one thing here…and do another there. This is when I often ask myself: What Would Jesus Do?

I believe that people need a second chance, and a third and a fourth. The first impression is so misguided and false. We need to look beyond the person’s first impression and get into their heart and soul. See beyond those eyes of deception and climb over the walls of rejection. Some people have built a great barrier around them and won’t let just anyone in. Barriers need to be brought down. Arms need to be spread. Eyes need to be opened. Minds need to be humbled and hearts healed. Finding yourself in a position of sin, can happen to anyone and does. One sin is the same as another, sin is sin.

“Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation.” Romans 12:16

We judge so quickly those that simply need a hug and embrace. You criticize a person on the street for wearing shabby clothes yet it doesn’t cross your mind that that person might have a disease that takes hold of their entire paycheck for medications. Who cares about style when there’s kids going hungry? Sure you give a few bucks to the homeless but what do you do for that family who’s in need of groceries? We criticize their misfortunes and use their perils to make our lofty selves more sanctimonious. Our egos shine through yet our humility takes the back burner. We’ve convinced ourselves that we’re good people and yet our irresponsible actions continue.

By the way, that prostitute?…she was saved from the chains of immorality and sin. She finally bloomed into the rose God had intended her to be. All because a strange couple saw a light in her eyes when others only mocked and threw stones at her.

“Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women; what then do You say?...But Jesus stooped down and with His finger wrote on the ground…He straightened up, and said to them, ‘He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.’” John 8:7

True Love

2009-02-26T11:25:00.000-08:00

God has REALLY been speaking to me lately. I can’t believe how absolutely amazing His power and understanding is. This morning I was thinking about love. I started reading a book called Hinds’ Feet On High Places by Hannah Hurnard and I found myself meditating on the power of love. When I first met my husband I was such a lost soul inside. I couldn’t understand how this guy actually liked me. Of course, I didn’t know the One true love there is, God. How did I expect to know how to give love, if I didn’t know what True Love really was.

Gradually, I began to get lifted out of the pit I had dug for myself. Looking back I can see it in slow motion, first my hand reaches for the skies then my body follows. My feet are the last to be taken up. I do not drag with remorse; I do not weigh much… I am raised as if gliding through the air like a light feather. That is how easy it is for God to raise us up. So many times what hindered me were the perceptions I had of myself that weighed me down like a ball and chain does to so many. I can see myself sinking into the blackness of the massive ocean. My breaths are diminishing, the oxygen in my lungs is running out…I look around in the claustrophobia of my mind and see no one to hold on to. Nothing. Not even a rock to grasp onto or even a simple leaf floating from its rooted base. The heaviness of the iron ball is pulling me down into the abyss…I cannot breath. Oh Lord, help me!

"I love those who love me; And those who diligently seek me will find me." Proverbs 8: 17

And as soon as I uttered those words in my deep desperation, there He was. His hand punctured through the wall of the surface of the ocean. It rushed down and reached my faint hand. Out of the nothingness I was in, there was the perfect, strong hand that allowed me to hold on to. The heaviness of the attached iron ball disappeared no longer sinking me down, isolating me from the world above. There was hope. Even though there weren’t any more breaths to breathe, the hope and inspiration of the ever-waiting air I’d soon be inhaling were enough to propel my body into a courageous survival mode.

"...and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us." Romans 5:5

Life was just a few moments away, welcoming me and myself. It did not mock me nor let any prejudice mask its judgment about me. I was soon to be free and let life embrace the new love I had to give.

His love sees no boundaries. His love accepts anyone and many. His love is without guilt or humiliation. His love is perfect and whole. The best part is His love is guarded individually for your every need.

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13:34-35

Listening to God

2009-02-21T17:31:00.000-08:00

I got what I thought was a crippling phone call the other day. It was from our life insurance broker telling me that he could not find a company that would insure me. My body reacted first the way it always does. First, I felt a rush of warmth go through my body finally landing in my heart. Second, a massive uncomfortable knot began to make its way to my vocal cords eliminating my ability to speak. Third, my eyes were conquered with childlike tears…I felt horrible and my first thought was, “Nobody thinks I’ll make it through this disease.”

When Hector got home, I didn’t tell him right away. I kept the depressing feeling to myself. I found myself being that person from long ago…the one that would keep things bottled up deep inside; never letting anyone know what was wrong or even letting anyone attempt to help me. It was tough though, to keep it to myself. At bedtime I finally gave in and told Hector that there wasn’t an insurance company out there that would insure my life. You know what his response was? “You don’t need any insurance company to insure your life. God has already done that for you.” That was all he said in the darkness of the room before falling asleep. Lingering in the calmness of his voice I closed my eyes and prayed. I gave thanks to God because He was able to speak to me with such simple words yet they filled me with substantial security and peace. I slept so well that night.

Sometimes God speaks to us through many different means. I’m glad He uses my husband to speak to me at times, but it’s not always Hector that He uses…Sometimes it comes from children or even through prayer. Sometimes He speaks to me through pictures or words or even movies. I pray that I will always listen to His voice. So many times before I was lost asking to hear His voice but never realizing that all I had to do was listen.

"But whoever listens to Me will dwell safely, And will be secure, without fear of evil." Proverbs 1:33

Your Legacy After Death

2009-02-13T13:46:00.000-08:00

Until recently when I was diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension I began to actually think about Death. I was so overwhelmed with the information I was reading on the internet that I couldn’t find anything positive to think. I read that ten years ago most diagnosed patients were dying within a matter of two years. Two years. I looked at my children and thought, “I will never see you grow up”. The more I began to learn about the disease I realized that through the many medications irrupting in this rare disease life expectancy has been raised from five years to twenty years and even more in some cases…(PHAssociation.org).

Nobody wants to talk about death but I think it’s important…It is one of those topics we prefer not to deal with. The first thing you might think about with this topic is what death is like? But I think we’re missing the point. We should be asking ourselves: what kind of legacy will I leave behind if I were to die tomorrow? What contribution did I leave in this world? I know there are lots of agnostics out there that see this in black and white. We live and we die, that’s it. But those that are left behind, what about them? We’re in a time where some want to do everything possible to save the Earth, stop Global Warming, The Fight Against Aids in Africa and everywhere, Feed the Children, but what about people. What can we do but to live a life where we exemplify plain old values and moral beliefs that will eventually lead to uplift all these other great efforts? If we really cared about these causes then we’d surely practice what we preached. We would try to be better people through our actions not just words.

Do people really know you? Or do they just know your face and what you’ve told them. Do people really know what you’re all about and what your stands are? When I was in the eleventh grade taking Literature, my teacher taught us to show, not tell in our writing. I think this motto should be used in our daily lives. We need to SHOW people who we are by being an upright example; not just TELL them who we are because ultimately words are just words, until you put some action into them. For example, if you’ve given some form of advice to someone, was it given from the heart? Or were you feeding your ego by saying the words you knew they wanted to hear? Is your life a leading example of what you preach? Can we truly live with one foot in and one foot out? Be one person here and another there? In your good intentions have you lead people by giving godly advice for a life fulfilled in blessings or have you given the advice and then not bothered to ask years later how they’re doing.

“Words of the wise, spoken quietly, should be heard Rather than the shout of a ruler of fools.” Ecclesiastes 9:17

I have started to reflect on my life and the way I’m living it because that is how I’m showing the world who I truly am. I can say all I want to people; that I’m a nice person and love to do this and love to do that, but nobody should believe me until they’ve actually seen me do it. Right? Are we followers or are we leaders? Do you enjoy spending time with that person because he/she makes you a better person or because he/she is cool and lets you slide in the areas of your life that are not right?

“It is better to hear the rebuke of the wise Than for a man to hear the song of fools.” Ecclesiastes 7:5

We all know deep inside when we’re doing something wrong. You can say all you want; what’s right to one person is wrong to another…but deep inside you know. We all do. We can cover it up as much as we want, we can bury it way back there where nobody –not even you, remember it. You can remove yourself from the people that will scorn your wrong doings, but nothing will ever take away that little voice in your head. The voice that’s there all the time, you try to disguise it, you try to overlook it, you try to be smarter than it…But it’s still there. Knocking at your soul, wanting to get in. Telling you what’s right and what’s wrong. How long will you live like this? Have you ever experienced the freedom of letting go? Letting go of all that is unworthy in your life. Being a true person to those that surround you should be what we leave behind after we die.

"For the living know that they will die; But the dead know nothing, And they have no more reward For the memory of them is forgotten. Also their love, their hatred, and their envy have now perished; Nevermore will they have a share In anything done under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 9:5-6

What will they say about you? He was a nice person… she was so pretty… He was so young…I knew him through such and such person. What will they remember about you when nobody else is listening…He belittled me…she made me feel like I was bad in this…He criticized me all the time…-That’s it? Is that the legacy that you want to leave behind?

How about this: He made me a better person. She gave me hope and made me feel important. He was always there for me… she taught me this and he showed me that… I’m going to continue his or her journey to be this or to do that…Better?

I’m not saying we won’t make mistakes…I’m not saying I’ve been perfect. None of us are; but we can certainly try. The Lord knows when you’re trying to do what’s good, even if those around you don’t even notice it. He is everlasting and is even in your thoughts. Your good deeds will not go unseen. Let us walk with our hearts and not just talk the talk but also walk the walk by showing with our actions what we’re all about.

“I thought about my ways, And turned my feet to Your testimonies.” Psalms 119:59

“Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need.” Ephesians 4:28

Depression

2009-02-10T14:07:00.000-08:00

I remember feeling so excited to hear someone’s TRUE emotions and whatever was going on in their spiritual life when we got to the Bible study session at Church that day. A few of us had joined this intense form of 'psychotherapy' with a visitor from another church, it was a Bible study like none other and who knew it would change my life forever? Every session consisted of the passing of a sackcloth bag filled with different colored marbles. There was only ONE WHITE marble amongst all the others. Before each session we prayed for God’s magnificent power to rain upon us. The visiting speaker, Molly, said that this day had been planned by God from the beginning of time. And whomever in the lottery, as I called it, got the WHITE marble that person was the CHOSEN one to come up front and sit in front of Molly and bring out whatever had been kept deep inside. This was God’s way of liberating those chosen, week after week.

The room was cold that day and every one of my friends was there. It was my way of supporting friends that brought me there in the first place. It was never meant to be a reflection on my own life. I had accepted Jesus as my Savior years ago and really didn’t feel like anything was wrong in my life. As the sackcloth bag was passed around like an offering tray, I mumbled and giggled with those sitting next to me. I got hold of the bag and reached in to get my pretty marble, I didn’t even think of looking at the color. Surely I’d get another pretty color as many times before. When I took a glance at my marble, I screeched inside and felt a wave of heat go through my entire body finally landing in my heart. THE WHITE MARBLE! Oh Lord, it’s a mistake! I looked at the sackcloth bag making its way down the aisle and felt a rush of emotion at the thought of the wasted energy that everyone was going through by picking their own marbles, afterall I was the one with the doomed future. Finally everything became quiet and everyone started looking around because everyone had gotten a marble without having chosen the white one. Molly was sitting up front on stage and looked around at all the faces with those almost psychic eyes. She knew! I finally got the courage and stood up, “I have the white marble. I guess it’s my turn.”

When she began asking me questions it was as if Jesus was reminding me of those dark times in my life long ago. I had buried them so deep inside that I didn’t even remember anything until that moment. Little by little everything came out. The years I spent in depression as a child and throughout my early teens was revealed. I felt as if I were walking naked parading in front of everyone so they may see and criticize all the imperfections I had covered up. I remember crying and feeling that Jesus was truly liberating me of all those lies the devil had gruesomely fed me. I believed I was worthless, ugly and unimportant. I believed I would never amount to anything. I believed I had to do things with friends just so they’d like me or so I’d become more popular. Feelings of jealousy and envy dominated my alone time. Nobody knew what I was going through. Outside all my elementary school friends thought I was just ‘Funny Elizabeth’. But inside I was battling my own lonesome fight against the massive beast I called suicide and depression. Not even those closest to me like my own mother and father knew what I was enduring. As I closed my eyes and pressed the tears out, the image of myself in my room as a child with the door closed was so clear and vivid. I use to sit in front of a mirror wishing I was gone. I asked God one too many times why I had to hurt so much. Not ever realizing that He was there, gathering all my tears into his heart and magnanimous throne.

That day at Bible study, I realized I was not alone. Never alone. I learned that depression was an evil and selfish lie. I learned to look at others with love and not envy or jealousy. I learned to look into the eyes of a complete stranger and recognize the cry for help that I had had at one time. I learned to notice when others needed Christ’s everlasting love. I learned compassion and joy and mercy. You do matter. You matter to so many people. I believe God puts certain people in your life for the sole purpose of lifting each other up even if it’s just for a moment in time. But you always matter and have purpose. I learned to look outside the world of Lizzy and finally saw so many out there in need of love. Through God’s mercy we can help eachother become Godly people so that His perfect will may be done through us. It was then that I was finally liberated.

"My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory; The rock of my strength, And my refuge, is in God. Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Psalms 62:5-8

"The Lord God has given Me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him who is weary. He awakens Me morning by morning, He awakens My ear to hear as the learned." Isaiah 50:4

No Worries

2009-02-06T19:03:00.000-08:00

I was talking the other day with Hector, my hubby; we were remembering what life was like as children. He told me about living in Mexico with his mom and two sisters and how hard it was to be away from his dad. While awaiting the approval of their U.S. residency, his dad was working in the U.S. sending whatever money he made to them in Mexico. He mentioned how life was…playing in the dirt outside with his cousins and eating all that yummy Mexican candy. As a child he didn’t worry about how the bills or utilities were going to get paid. He didn’t worry about not having enough money for medical insurance or what kind of clothes he’d wear. Happiness to him was the times he spent with his grandfather and mother and sisters. A few of his relatives use to get together every week for bible study. He did not understand much about the Bible but one thing he loved was singing songs of praise to the Lord while his aunts heated up a pot of coffee. He calls it ‘Café Con Leche’…to this day he enjoys a good cup of coffee along with ‘pan dulce’. He remembers his grandfather talking about the book of Revelations and about all the stories in the Bible. These are the memories he treasures. One of our greatest desires is to provide meaningful memories like these for our own children.

The other night, Jacob came into our room and hopped onto our bed hoping we wouldn’t scorn him away to his own room. We didn’t. We opened our arms and embraced his little body in between ours. The smile on his face and the warmth of his little feet brought such peace to me. I realized then that this little three-year-old boy looked up to us for comfort. His eyes did not have any worries or stress. He counted on us to hug him and make him feel secure. And that is exactly what we did. His happiness consists of feeling his parents near him, not having a bunch of toys or even going out to play, but just to have us there with him. Whether he scrapes his knee or bruises his head, I’m there to hug him and nurse him back to health. Mothers and fathers, our hugs and our kisses mean the world to our children. That’s all they want from us. Just like our Father in Heaven wants to comfort us, let’s go to Him for security, warmth and love.

“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; Yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? ...But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”
Matthew 6: 25-26, 33

Who Are you Trying to Please?

2009-01-29T16:58:00.000-08:00

Being a perfectionist is ruining my life. I think I’m actually hindering my goal of perfection by trying too hard. And the problem is, I don’t know how to stop. Why can’t I just laugh when things are not done correctly? A life’s worth of doing things ‘the right way’ is now exhausting me. I keep hearing my spouse tell me, “It’s okay Liz. Leave it be”. But I can’t. Don’t ask me why I spend an extra minute or two organizing the spoons and separating the smaller ones from the larger ones in the kitchen drawer. Don’t ask me why I must have the basket of diapers in the living room on that designated end table and not any other place. Don’t ask me why I must fold all my son’s underwear & socks, it’s not like he cares! I don’t know why I make my life so difficult.

The other day while I was reading my bible I was reminded about a story that struck me in the core of my being. I can’t get it out of my head it was the story of two women awaiting a visit from Jesus. One woman was hustling and scurrying trying to get everything ready. She lost sight of the true importance of the visit…Not that everything needed to be tidy for Jesus, but that Jesus was actually going to be there with her. What’s more important? I think I do this to myself all too many times. I’ve lost sight of what’s truly important. Why do I burden myself with petty things? I need to keep my eyes on the target; what’s truly important in my life.

I think that sometimes God is asking us, “Who are you trying to please? Me or someone else?”

We need to remind ourselves that our goals should lead us to God’s goals. Not our own or that of someone else. Are you doing that job so that you may gain the praise of others? Or are you trying to please God in your works, silently.

Jesus says, “Therefore, when you do a charitable deed, do not sound a trumpet before you as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory from men…But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, that your charitable deed may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will Himself reward you openly…” Matthew 6: 2-4

Let’s keep trying to please Him, and not ourselves or anyone else. As long as He is happy, everyone else will be happy with us too. =)

Stress

2009-01-22T14:32:00.000-08:00

Stress has creeped up on my doorstep again and what can I do but listen to it shouting at me. I don’t have to open the door but the screeching voice is sooo loud it haunts me. Anywhere I go, I hear it. What can I do to stop it? I guess we can never get rid of the unwanted but maybe we need to actually listen to it. Listen in order to learn its weakness. I can choose to live by faith or I can choose to let it overwhelm and consume me. I choose to walk by faith.

“Though, I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23: 4

As many times as stress tries to overwhelm us, we must remain strong and confident in our conviction in God. He is our comfort. He knows the burdens we have and knows, even more than we, how to comfort us completely. He provides. Let us not depend on that check we receive every two weeks or on that contact we know to bring us riches…

“…Consider your ways! You have sown much, and bring in little; You eat, but do not have enough; You drink, but you are not filled with drink; You clothe yourselves, but no one is warm; And he who earns wages, Earns wages to put into a bag with holes.” Haggai 1:5-6

Let us look above and trust in Him. For only He makes everything else possible. He provides your job. He provides the opportunities to meet those contacts of yours. He makes it all happen. He is the One behind the scenes, letting us encounter blessings. Sometimes we must come to the bottom to even realize that we must lift our faces to the Lord. When everything is going according to your plans, then that is when you must pray for His guidance. Because things are not meant to go according to your plans, but His. Times might be rocky but remember you can walk with dignity and confidence that He is with you. He provides a light to your footsteps, showing you the righteous way; Not leading you to the end of the road. He’s leading you to blessings not seen, but truly awesome. Because He knows all your hearts desires, better than you know yourself. Nothing else in this world can provide a more true or significant relationship.

“Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path.” Psalm 119:105

“Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise…” Hebrews 10:35-36

Financial Struggles

2009-01-15T16:25:00.000-08:00

It’s weird to me how the Devil reacts when he feels threatened. Have you ever noticed that when you’re doing something right –or Godly, something always goes wrong or an obstacle arises? Maybe you don’t even notice that you’re actually being attacked because of your decision to do God’s will. When I first got married, Hector and I prayed months before the Big Date…We wanted to put our future marriage in God’s hands and do His will, even if it meant not getting married, or even breaking up. We didn’t know what God had in store for us, but with every day that passed, we received more confirmation from God letting us know that we had found our soul mate.

Once we got married, the problems started. Not between us, because we absolutely loved each other. The problems that arose came from the outside, more like obstacles to our new life together. Hector was laid off work a little over a year after we got married; this was due to the atrocities of 9/11. Suddenly we were struggling financially. We were young and hadn’t made such great decisions on keeping our credit card debt low. We had a lot of credit card bills, yet we were still so defiant on not letting our credit score plunder. Eight months later Hector was called back to work. We were overjoyed and got back to our usual spending. We bought a flat screen TV, cars, furniture, CD’s, you name it. Then a few months later, he was laid off for the second time. We sunk back into the hole we had made for ourselves. We were drowning in bills. Going through this has really taught us about setting priorities and becoming spiritually mature. The time came when we wanted to move out of his parent’s guest house and finally have a home of our own but the real estate market at the time was booming and prices were way out of our range. We couldn’t afford anything. We then started praying about moving out of state. God where do You want us? We prayed and prayed, checked out different cities in four different states. Years passed and the financial ups and downs always lingered. Spiritually God was working with us really hard. We learned about respecting one another, being financially responsible, and about robbing God. We learned to always put every single decision in God’s hands, even the simplest decisions like buying a car or going to school. We started putting God’s will first.

In 2005, our first child was born in September…Jacob. We had even prayed about when it was the best time to have children. Everyone has different opinions on when a couple should have kids. Some say right away! Others say two years, three years, etc. All we heard was blah, blah, blah. We knew that God had a plan for us and only He would put it in our hearts on when the time was perfect for us to responsibly bring a child into this world. We had decided we were financially stable to have a child and had had plenty of alone time with one another that we could finally make some room for a little one to love. After Jacob was born we decided to move to Houston Texas. Never did we ever see ourselves in Texas. Texas! We were able to buy our first home, and I had found a job before even moving out there. Hector would commute from LAX airport every week and the plans were set. After a while of commuting from LA to Houston every week, we found that being apart as a young married couple with a small child was not what God had intended for us for the long haul. We decided to sell our home and invest in a small LA business.

We always knew that through the struggles, God’s plan was working in our lives. He made it all happen and He opened the necessary doors to constantly prove it to us. With all the profit from the sale of our beautiful home in Texas gone to the uprising of the small business, we were again getting lost in financial debt. What are we gonna do now? Then I found out I was pregnant. I was going to bring another child into this world and we hadn’t even prepared for her. We stretched our dollar as far as it could go and through it, God worked miraculously. Every month, when the bills came for the Shop and our living expenses, God provided. Somehow, a car showed up at the Collision Center that needed to be repaired, and every penny earned was just enough to go on to the next month. God still shows us every day that our lives and the struggles we’ve gone through are not in vain. The puzzle to His master plan is slowly coming together. So we’re constantly living by faith, not by sight. Problems arise, but via those problems God always shows His power. Always. I feel that God is constantly telling us to be faithful with our money and He proves Himself to us every single day. He has NEVER let us down, not like man. But then again, He’s shown us that even though we might get disappointed with man, time and time again…God never fails us. We’ve been married now almost 9 years, love each other very much and have grown soooo much…although I know, there’s still so much more to learn. A doctor I use to work for use to describe his life as a Chinese curse once said, ‘May your life be interesting’.

“The LORD your God will make you abound in all the work of your hand, in the fruit of your body, in the increase of your livestock, and in the produce of your land for good. For the LORD will again rejoice over you for good as He rejoiced over your fathers, IF you obey the voice of the LORD your God, to keep His commandments and His statutes which are written in this Book of the Law, and if you turn to the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul.” Deuteronomy 30: 9-10

“My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, Nor detest His correction; For whom the LORD loves He corrects, Just as a father the son in whom he delights.” Proverbs 3:11-12

Living with Pulmonary Hypertension

2009-01-12T14:27:00.000-08:00

Okay, my arm is starting to look like a druggy’s arm. I am going to get my blood drawn AGAIN tomorrow. It started out being twice a week, now I’m at once a week…hopefully soon it’ll be once a month or something. My poor arm is bruised and must hate me by now. I’m on Warfarin, which is a medication that thins out my blood and we’re trying to get it to the right level where the doctor wants it to be. At first, I was taking a single pill every night. Then, we figured out we needed to increase the dosage to a pill every night, except for Friday’s : one and a half of a pill. Every week I get a call from the ‘anti-coagulation clinic’ at Kaiser Permanente which determines how much warfarin I should be taking to get the right levels. We’ve come to the point where I’m taking a pill and a half every night except Mondays and Fridays where I take one single pill. Yes, I know…it’s a little confusing…I’m using one of those long pill boxes with a different compartment for every day of the week. Aside from that, I’m also taking Tracleer twice a day, which is a very expensive medication. Tracleer is for the Pulmonary Hypertension, it’s supposed to better my symptoms of losing my breath and reduce the stress on my enlarged heart. Did I mention having the O2? The Liquid Oxygen tanks just look lovely in my home, too. I use the O2 when I’m going up the stairs, or vacuuming. Basically, it’s there for whenever I do anything too strenuous. But you know, I feel so much better today than I did a few months ago when I first consulted the Pulmonologist. I keep thinking that I hope to take a vacation this year to Hawaii like I use to, pre-kids time. But airlines don’t allow oxygen tanks. I found a portable Oxygen Concentrator that's 'airline friendly' on the internet that doesn’t use O2 tanks but rather concentrates the outside air. It runs on re-chargeable batteries for up to 8 hours! I thought, “How cool, it doesn’t even look medical, just like an ordinary camera case.” Well, then I saw the price…just under $4,000.00. Awww, I can’t afford that! I often think to myself, ‘Why me, LORD?’ But the ease of the situation calms me because I know it could be a lot worse.

“Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls- Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my Salvation. The LORD God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer’s feet. And He will make me walk on high hills…” -Habakkuk 3:17-19

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Bueno, mi brazo está comenzando a parecer como uno de un drogaticto. Mañana me van a sacar sangre OTRA VEZ. Al principio me sacaban sangre cada dos semanas, ahora es cada semana… esperanzadamente espero pronto que sea una vez al mes, por lo menos. Mi pobre brazo esta moreteado y debe odiarme. Estoy tomando Warfarin, que es una medicación que diluyó mi sangre, estamos intentando llegar al nivel correcto donde el doctor quisiera que estuviera. Al principio, tomaba una sola píldora cada noche. Despues, calculamos que era necesario aumentar la dosis a una píldora cada noche, con excepción el viernes: una y una mitad de una píldora. Cada semana consigo una llamada de la clínica de la anticoagulación de Kaiser Permanente quienes determinan cuánto warfarin debo estar tomando para llegar a los niveles correctos. Hemos llegado al punto donde estoy tomando una píldora y una mitad de cada noche excepto lunes y viernes donde tomo una sola píldora. Sí, sé que… es un poco confuso… estoy utilizando una de esas cajitas largas para guardar píldoras que contiene un compartimiento para cada dia de la semana. Aparte de ése, también estoy tomando Tracleer dos veces al día, que es una medicación muy costosa (alrededor del $5.000.00 por mes). Tracleer es para la hipertensión pulmonaria, para mejorar mis síntomas de perder mi respiración y para reducir la tensión en mi corazón agrandado. ¿Mencioné el tener el oxigeno? Los tanques del oxígeno líquido se ven simplemente encantadores en mi hogar. Utilizo el oxigeno cuando escalo las escaleras, o paso la aspiradora. Básicamente, está allí para cada ves que haga cualquier cosa demasiado vigorosa. Pero saben, me siento mejor hoy que hace unos meses atras cuando primero consulté con el Pulmonologo. Me pongo a pensar y sigo con la esperanza de viajar a Hawaii como lo hacia antes, durante el tiempo de pre-hijitos. Pero las aero-líneas no permiten tanques de oxígeno. Encontré en el internet un concentrador portable de oxígeno que es “línea aérea amistosa” que no utiliza los tanques oxigenos iguales, pero concentra el aire exterior. ¡Funciona con baterías recargables hasta 8 horas! Pensé, “Que padre, ni parece un aparato médico, en cambio parece justo como una caja ordinaria para cámaras fotográficas.” Bueno, entonces vi el precio…$4.000.00. ¡Es mucho dinero que no tengo! Pienso a menudo a mi misma, `Porqué yo, SEÑOR?' Pero la facilidad de la situación me calma porque sé que podría ser mucho peor.

It's In The Little Things

2009-01-10T20:01:00.000-08:00

My little girl has gone through such a mile stone...We celebrated her first birthday today. What fun it was to watch her play and have so much fun. It reminds me of all the little things that bring joy to my life. My family. It is truly one of the greatest prides that I have. It comforts me to know of all the people that care and love me so much. Nothing else matters. Not money, not degrees, not what people think...my family matters most to me. And in that family is included friends, too because true friends are family as well.

I give thanks to that everyday and ask that God will keep us healthy and together for many years to come. So many times we think we don't have anything...but we fail to remember the many blessings that God has given us. It's in the little things that He sees how grateful we are when He realizes how much we truly deserve. The support that my family gives me is just a glimpse of the much support and care that I recieve through God. I thank Him and am joyful for His love everyday.

"You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16:11

Generation X

2009-01-07T10:46:00.000-08:00

What is Generation X? People don’t know what will become of us, I think we’ve proved that Generation X is filled with Intellectuality and knowledge. We have come to a point in time where we know so much and are in tune to a million things all at the same time. We indulge in the humor of ‘inside jokes’ that only other intellectuals can perceive. We’ve become so knowledgeable, and nothing stuns us anymore. We have become immune to shock. So why believe in the unknown like a God? We can’t explain it, we can’t grasp the nonsense we think is in religion, let alone in this Christianity we think is foolish. We believe in what we see and can explain. We’re basically too smart for a higher power.

“The pride of your heart has deceived you, you who dwell in the clefts of the rock, Whose habitation is high; You who say in your heart, ‘Who will bring me down to the ground?’ Though you ascend as high as the eagle, And though you set your nest among the stars, From there I will bring you down, says the LORD.” Obadiah 3-4

We have failed to consider the virtues of humility. Why do we have to be in competition with others? From the doctors that have cable set up in their offices just to set the TV on Bloomberg Television to the kids in High School that have to have the latest popular song as their Ringback tone. We’ve generated such peer pressure that it not only exists in teens, but rather is taking over the adults as well. We feel smart by watching AC360 and including it in the watercooler conversations with our coworkers. And politics? whoa, now there was the top intellectual conversation booster…you knew you were out of the loop if you weren’t well versed in the latest political details. Where is our pride? Where stands our integrity? Humility and the wisdom in knowing when to shut up is being ignored and lost. One of my favorite quotes is:

“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt”

Some intellectuals are adamant in their ideas as to who’s quote this is, Abraham Lincoln? Mark Twain? King Leonidas of Sparta who died at the

Battle of Thermopylae? Actually, the quote has been derived through the years from the book of

Proverbs:

“Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace; When he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive.” Proverbs 17:28

I believe that true Wisdom comes to those that honor God, and those that live in constant humility.

Our Lowest Point...The Call of The Voice.

2009-01-06T11:25:00.000-08:00

What is God trying to tell us when we’re at our lowest point? Someone once told me that everyone’s problem is worse than everyone else’s. Meaning we each individually think, “My problem is worse than everyone else’s problems”. We drown in what we think is the absolute rock bottom. But remember, there’s always someone else out there going through something a lot more badly than you. This doesn’t mean that you should delight in their misery…it means, delight in knowing that your problem is not as bad as you might think.
I told someone recently that sometimes we have to come to the lowest point in our lives because it is there that God grabs our attention. Close your eyes and let God speak to you. It is in the still of the moment that His voice is the loudest. Why do we have to wait until we’re at the bottom to call upon His name? We put Him on the back burner. He wants to be at the top of our priority list; He wants us to include Him in our daily lives and it is then that nothing will bring us down again. We can become invincible. We can walk with the security of knowing that the best bodyguard out there is walking in front of us, guiding us, and never letting anything harm us. Let’s not give the bad guy any credit! No matter how bad our problem seems, God can still bring a smile to your face and bring light making the situation better. He can bring purpose to our struggles. And He does. There’s a purpose for everything we go through. But remember that you matter; you matter more to Him than you think. So much so that He died for you. He endured so much hatred, criticism, beatings, torture, and embarrassment…all for you! So you wouldn’t have to.

“The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed, A refuge in times of trouble. And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; For You, LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You.” Psalm 9:9-10

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” John 3:16-17

The Call of the Voice

And as the leaves fall from a tall and enormous tree
A wondrous and strong hand stretches over me.
I hear a voice calling me and it’s telling me that I am loved.
My eyes blink in disbelief
I’m pondering, and trying to make sense of the voice
My legs are telling me to run and leave.
Oh God, "What should I believe?"
Is this really You?
All this time, I thought you were just an invisible ear
One that heard all of my problems,
But would or could not interfere.
I am loved?
Why, until now, am I hearing all of this?
Now all of my past, I am forced to reminisce.
Why did You let me think I was all alone?
Not telling me this until now, that I am all grown?
Could it be that it has just made me a better person?
Wasn’t there a risk that I could have worsened?
And as my eyes blink for the second time,
The seconds have gone, and with them my mind.
And now, with my heart, I realize
There’s no need to question. . .
. . . for You are wise.
Hearing You, until now, has made this moment much better
For no longer am I like a fragile and weak feather.
-Liz Blanco October 10, 1999

2009-01-04T19:55:00.000-08:00

Is there anyone out there that has ever even remotely related at least one bit to those women that you hear of that lock their kids in the closet??? I know, it’s pretty far out there but the other day Jacob was just being so mischievous! I laugh about it now because –of course I’d never do anything to harm my kids! It’s just funny to think that when you’re in the moment and all of a sudden you close your eyes and see everything in s l o w m o t i o n : I looked at the closet door for a minute, contemplating the quietness and calmness of having him in the closet, out of my sight. Then I reminded myself that when he’s sick all I want is to see him running around making a mess with his toys. It was then that I smiled, sighed and hugged my boisterous little Jacob…
I’m sure I’m not the only one… Anyone out there?
It’s amusing to me how we get frustrated with our children and then I think, “Man, God must get frustrated with us as well.” We, as the parents, are able to see the BIG picture and know when something might be harmful to our child, but do they see it? I don’t think so. They cry and scream and simply don’t understand why we’re not letting them have their fun. After all, they’re just having fun. But we see what they don’t. We care so much for them and their wellbeing that we are willing to upset them and even risk them hating us at that moment…just to SAVE them. Sound familiar? I think God sometimes allows our pretty little lives filled with joy to come to a thrilling halt in order to SAVE us from the unseen. He sees the BIG picture, He knows best…why don’t we just trust HIM and let Him take care of us. Let’s stop complaining and ‘be joyful when transgressions come’; because that is when He’s doing His magic. It’s proof that He’s doing something in our midst to keep us from harm.

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, for those who have been trained by it, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace. Hebrews 12:11

New Year Resolution

2009-01-03T15:20:00.000-08:00

This year has to be better than ever! I am proclaiming it from this day forward. I will awake every morning with a positive outlook on life, I'm a determined woman. Last September I was diagnosed with a rare disease called Primary Pulmonary Hypertension, basically I lose my breath whenever exerting myself through simple tasks such as long fast walks or simply climbing a flight of stairs. The concern is in my hearts' capacity to 'take' the extra load since it's not receiving a stable level of Oxygenated blood from my pulmonary arteries. I require an oxygen tank to deliver extra oxygen to my organs and am on medication to slow the progression of my illness. We don't know why I got this, never smoked, never drank nor did any drugs...but I've got it. And now, more than ever, I am living life to the fullest!

Other than God, my husband and kids are what give me the strength to be better everyday. Seeing them smile and hearing them laugh give me fuel to go on and get better. So, not only did I start this blog, but have also started writing a personal journal. One for my son, J who is now 3. And another for my little princess, L who will be turning one in few days. I enjoy writing to them everyday, about all there little struggles and accomplishments. I can't wait to one day give them their books for a special occasion. I'm hoping for their wedding. We'll just have to wait and see.

Much is anticipated for this new year. I hope we reach all our goals and that you do as well. Remember that God has everything under control and that it is better for us to put our lives in His hands everyday. After all, wouldn't you want the Maker of The Universe in charge of your life? It doesn't matter if we don't always know what's going on, as long as He knows what's going on everything should be just fine. Lets live a stress-free life.

"You have shown me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore." -Psalm 16:11